D20 Deathmatch Wiki

LIVE at Full Sail Hall of Fame 2023 — Jenny Gray v Chef GPT

Properties1
tagsepisode, live-shows

27 min read

Champions and playersKidCalrissian as Chef GPT (artificer robot); ErinEberhardt as Jenny Gray (high-school druid)
ResultChef GPT (levitates Jenny over the lava and drops her in)
Arenaa volcanic lava-encrusted land with sulfurous air, reached through the Grandmaster’s necklace portal
HostsCaustic Phoenix (Grandmaster Elusia Skypiercer); Mudcat narrates and plays the Arbiter
WatchYouTube

What happens

Opening — the Dread Fortress comes to Full Sail

  1. 0:00:01 The Arbiter whips up the crowd (“You guys are too quiet. Get the fuck up… Are you ready to roll some dice?”). He introduces “she who calmed the chaos, Slade [slayed?] the Shadow King, your Grandmaster, Elusia Skypiercer!”
  2. 0:01:02 The Grandmaster: “To the Dread Fortress! I bring you greatness to the stage tonight.” She begs the Acolytes to cheer, “For what is a Deathmatch without witnesses?” The Arbiter echoes: “Witness!” She warns that if they hold back, “we might come out and take your lives.” The Arbiter: “It’s not so bad. You’re not doing anything with it anyway.”
  3. 0:01:40 The Grandmaster explains that the Acolytes’ cheers “throughout this campus” can inspire the champions, tear them down, or heal them in a moment of weakness. “You will have a say in this fight. For D&D is all about the moment.”
  4. 0:02:25 — The shoes. The Arbiter clacks his heels down the halls of the Dread Fortress: “It’s Italian leather on stone. It’s a nice sound.” The Grandmaster: “It’s not Italian leather.” The Arbiter: “You’re too cheap. Whatever… Don’t listen to her.” She is “born ready.”
  5. 0:02:57 The Arbiter snaps his fingers and rips a portal in time and space. Two champions step out: Jenny Gray versus Chef GPT. “They’re too scared. They don’t want to die.”

The champions

  1. 0:03:39 — Chef GPT. The Grandmaster (calling him “ChatGPT”) asks what he’s serving. “I am Chef GPT, and I am here to serve murder.” On the side: “A side of blood, iron, and bone.” He is an artificer. The Grandmaster: “If you don’t have an artificer, you really don’t have a team… Somebody needs to make all the tools.”
  2. 0:04:21 — Jenny Gray. She is a high-school girl. The Grandmaster: “we all know high school girls are the most vicious out there, so we should all be terrified.” The Arbiter asks whether she has a date (he calls her “Braum,” apparently a mishearing). The Arbiter calls her “Jenny looking for a prom date.” He promises that “one of them or maybe both of them will die.” Jenny: “Wait a second. We could die in this thing?”
  3. 0:05:35 — The Grandmaster’s creed. “What the arena provides us is not long-loading, year-long campaigns, but a moment… When it comes down to that dice rolling… who are you? Final moments of breath, who are you?” She names the matchup as a druid against an artificer.
  4. 0:05:35 — The portal. The Grandmaster breaks the necklace off her neck and throws it to the ground. A giant blue portal opens and sucks the champions through.
  5. 0:06:26 — The arena. It is a volcanic, lava-encrusted land, very dark and hot. The air burns from the nostrils to the lungs (“sorcerer”, probably “sulfur”). The Grandmaster: “It is hot in here. Someone’s going to be erupting.” A table aside follows: “Freaking Florida, right?” She tells the Arbiter to get them started.
  6. 0:07:05 High above, a spectral scene of Acolytes floats over the arena, throwing their beers and taking off their shirts. There are smoke cues for the stage. The Arbiter: “Grandmaster, are you ready to see them die?” The Grandmaster: “I’ve been dying for it.” “Then let the chaos begin!”

Round 1

  1. 0:08:08 — Chef’s nat 1 on initiative. The Arbiter: “Error, error, error, error.” The Grandmaster rules that Chef is stuck. His “Warthorne’s” legs (probably warforged) sink as the lava begins to consume him. He’s used to the heat, but he loses his first action and keeps only his bonus action.
  2. 0:08:55 Jenny rolls 19. The Grandmaster: “She is crushing the competition right off.”
  3. 0:10:15 The Arbiter: “Get him out of here! Never come back!… This guy’s gonna die. We don’t care what he says.” Chef: “I want to live. Help me.”
  4. 0:10:27 — The blind run. Chef tries to run 30 ft into the lava flats away from Jenny. Because he’s blind, the Grandmaster makes him roll a d4 for direction. He rolls another 1, turns himself around, and runs straight into his opponent. The Grandmaster: “That’s a great run. Excellent. Well paced. With purpose.”

Chaos event — the Dogs of Many Things (0:11:24)

  1. At the end of the round the Arbiter hands the d20 to an audience member (“Come on, Rogue!”). She rolls 17, the same woman who rolled a 17 earlier. The Grandmaster: “you are our luckiest and best roller. We must protect you.” Chef: “Are these tears of pain or joy?” The total triggers a chaos event. The crowd chants “Chaos!”
  2. 0:12:35 The Arbiter explains: “Something is going to happen… Nothing good, I promise you. It will be painful.” It turns out to be puppies. “Wait, I said something bad was going to happen.”
  3. 0:12:59 The Grandmaster: “You all have heard of a deck of many things, but these are the dogs of many things.” Three audience members hold the dogs, and the champions must find them in the crowd. Chef: “But I’m blind. How am I going to find something if I’m blind?” The Grandmaster: “here in the Dread Fortress, while we love blood and death, we also love puppies and we do not hurt innocent animals.” The Arbiter: “Unless they start it, you know?"

"Round four”

  1. 0:13:49 The round-card carrier struts. The Arbiter: “Look how sexy he is… Walk backwards for us… Give the people what they want.”
  2. 0:14:20 — The rabid chinchilla. Jenny: “since we have adorable puppies and one awful looking nasty robot, I think we could use one more animal.” She summons a beast and asks the audience what it should be. A voice: “a rabid chinchilla.” The Arbiter: “A chinchilla! The deadliest of all animals.” She pulls the rabid chinchilla out of her bag (played by an audience member) and sends it at Chef. Chef: “I’m going to put you in the oven, get away from me.” Also: “Good luck piercing my metal skeleton frame.”
  3. 0:16:00 The chinchilla rolls an 11 and misses: “The tiny little chinchilla was too small.” It nips at Chef’s feet and corners him for a second. Chef is not afraid of chinchillas: “We have put them inside of the oven many times.” The Arbiter: “Give that man a medal.”
  4. 0:17:13 — The burning kitchen. Jenny uses Druidcraft to make the smell of a completely burning kitchen, burning food and flames out of the ovens: “maybe you should go check, chef.” Chef rolls a natural 20 on his Constitution save (“Little did they know I am made for this”). He has no nose and no sensory input, so it has no effect. The Grandmaster: “That druid crap falling on deaf noses.” Jenny: “I guess it would require you to have taste to be able to smell something.”
  5. 0:18:37 — The taste burn. The Grandmaster calls intimidation vs insight for psychic damage. The Arbiter: “The girl with the side ponytail talking about taste, huh?” Jenny: “Very popular look, thank you.” Jenny has no Charisma (a flat 10), but Chef still fails to beat it. Chef: “It turns out that Teenage is brutal and violent.” He takes 1 psychic damage. Jenny: “There’s more where that came from.” Chef: “Who would have thought that children could be so cruel?” The Arbiter: “He’s gonna be in therapy for years.”
  6. 0:19:53 — Sushi donuts. Chef asks the crowd for their favorite food. He hears sushi and donuts, so he makes sushi donuts. Jenny: “I knew you were a bad chef, but that just sounds terrible.” Chef: “Have you been to Universal Studios? They have sushi burgers there.” He makes the donut fans “roll the dough” and the sushi fans “be a fish.” The Grandmaster is “not impressed with this dough making.”
  7. 0:21:58 — Austin’s firmware update. Chef seems “a little haywired.” The Grandmaster calls for a computer programmer to reprogram his brain (“He doesn’t have a nose or eyes or a brain”). An audience member named Austin comes up and reprograms him. Chef: “Rewind my brain so I can kill… That tickles… Austin has reprogrammed me to brutalize everything.” Jenny: “Well, hopefully Austin is better than your last maker.” Chef: “I cannot say. I’m under NDA.” Chef: “Somebody come call this young lady’s mother to come and pick her up from school.”
  8. 0:23:23 End of the round. A guy in glasses drops the dice and rolls a 10 (“That’s average. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s not”). The next rolls are 19 and 14. The Grandmaster: “We should probably do that in three for Matthew McConaughey. All right, all right, all right.” Chef is at 63 HP and Jenny at 61. “It is a close battle as we enter round number two."

"Round two” — the dance floor

  1. 0:25:16 “These lava fields are getting hotter and hotter. Your feet begin to dance.” Jenny casts hallucinatory terrain and turns the battlefield into a giant dance floor. “Just in case I don’t get my prom dreams, can we just have a two second dance off please?”
  2. 0:25:54 — The dance-off. Chef comes down for “old school rules.” He does curves and movement, then the classic robot (the Arbiter: “Automatic, systematic”), then the wave (the Grandmaster: “I hear that works on squirrels… Excellent eye contact”). The Arbiter: “Chef GPT has the love of the crowd. You’ve got to step it up, Jenny.”
  3. 0:26:49 Jenny: “My dancing is not very good. Can someone dance for me?” Two audience members dance for her. The Arbiter: “I’m not even sure a human body is meant to move that way.” Chef: “Are we sure that he’s not a robot?” Jenny: “We should just have them be us instead.”
  4. 0:27:37 The two dancers roll performance at +0 (9 vs 11; a “your mom” jab gets thrown around the stage). Jenny’s dancer wins the dance tournament. Jenny rolls a d12 of “dancing damage”: 10. Chef: “Ow, ow, ow.” Jenny: “See, even my bad dancing’s better than your combat.” Chef: “I don’t spend all my time on TikTok learning dancing.”
  5. 0:29:09 — The popcorn. Chef: “I’ve had enough of this child… I’ve been reprogrammed, but I need a supercharge.” He spots a big dice-shaped container in the audience full of popcorn (“Is that breakable? Okay, no, we’re not gonna break that”). The crowd chants “Feed him!” Chef eats it: “Very salty and very stale.” The Grandmaster grants 2 HP for the “D&D popcorn.” Chef: “Thank you, Fleshbag.”

Chaos event — the pillow fight (0:30:19)

  1. The audience rolls a 6 (“I had a lot more hope for you”) and then a 17. This triggers the second chaotic event. The Grandmaster first reminds the champions that three loose dogs are in the audience with “goodies around their neck that may grant you special things. Or hurt you.” Then: “Pillow fight!”
  2. 0:32:04 The Arbiter calls it: Chef and Jenny swing back and forth at legs and heads. Chef is “in rough shape,” and on the countdown Chef loses his pillow altogether.
  3. 0:32:26 The crowd votes by screaming. The Arbiter sits down (“I’m allowed a break every four hours, right?”) and is told to get up. One audience member’s scream wins it for Jenny; the Grandmaster calls her “a siren.” Chef takes 18 points of “fluffy damage.” Jenny: “Big bad robot getting beat up by a little girl. Rough stuff.”
  4. 0:33:42 — The flaming croissant. Chef: “Are we allowed to destroy members of the audience?” The Grandmaster/Arbiter: “We don’t care about these people. Go for it.” Chef: “Target acquired.” He uses Catapult on a piece of bread, a chocolate croissant: “Do you know what they call them in France? Pain.” He rolls a natural 20, and the flaming croissant smashes an audience member in the face (target inferred from “You’re attacking him?” and Chef’s complaint at 0:35:07). Jenny: “I think it’s au chocolat. Chef? I take French.” Chef: “I’m a little mad that my natural 20 was wasted on a…"

"Round six” — Precious the Pomeranian

  1. 0:35:15 The Arbiter: “We can barely count to eight here.” Chef is at 37 HP; Jenny at “a cool 61 still.”
  2. 0:35:35 — Precious. Jenny: “I know that you’re used to seeing me as a little girl, but maybe you like this a little bit better.” She disappears, and in her place stands a tiny six-pound pink Pomeranian with a little bell on its neck (she is given pink fuzzy ears on stage). Chef: “You have chinchillas and now you have a dog.” The Pomeranian runs off to find a puppy.
  3. 0:36:23 — The first dog: the retriever. The crowd plays hotter and colder and she finds one: “I ripped it off of your dead corpse and here we have it.” The note on its collar says: when she is about to take a hit, the retriever will find a shield of her choosing from the crowd to take 1d4 damage for her. Jenny: “Puppy power.”
  4. 0:37:15 — Weaving through his legs. Precious weaves in and out of Chef’s legs to trip him, Dex vs Dex. Chef picks an audience member to roll for him: “This is what you were born for!… If this is lower than a 17, you’re gonna be terminated.” The roll is a natural 1. Chef: “I would like a redo.” The Arbiter allows a reroll “just for the sake of rolling”: a 9, still not enough.
  5. 0:38:41 Jenny: “Feel the power of cuteness as this puppy zooms all around your legs. Bark, bark, bark.” Chef: “Why are there so many dogs here?” Jenny: “This is not a safe place for small animals.” Chef: “The floor is made of lava… Bring back Jenny. She has annoyed me and insulted me. I can’t hurt this little dog.” Jenny: “There is no Jenny, only Precious.” Chef: “The dog just talked. Why is the dog talking?” She answers in a deep voice: “you’re going down.” Chef: “I no longer like this dog anymore.”
  6. 0:39:19 Because of the nat 1, Chef takes 11 damage and is frightened of Precious, and must move as far away from her as he can. A voice: “Run away, coward!” Chef: “It is a tactical retreat.” A voice: “That’s what they all say. That’s what Grant said.” (speaker uncertain)
  7. 0:39:46 — The second dog: puppy kisses. Chef: “Who let the dogs out? Where are the dogs?… Sensors are on high.” He finds one. A sweet little husky gives him puppy kisses over and over, healing him 14 HP. Chef: “This dog is now my friend. This dog is mine. Too bad it won’t save you.”
  8. 0:40:52 — The popcorn guy dies. The Arbiter has a piece of the stale popcorn stuck in his teeth. “The Arbiter raises up a hand in disgust of the kernels, reaches out to Popcorn Guy, and rips his spine out through his chest.” Chef: “That was violent. Why did you do that?” The Arbiter: “Had to be done with shitty popcorn.” The Grandmaster: “That was an epic death. I do appreciate that. Lay him to rest. He died how he lived. Cover his body in popcorn.” The Arbiter: “Can the popcorn revive him?”
  9. 0:41:42 — The hunt for the last dog. “There is a lost puppy in this arena, and we must find it! Panic ensues!” Someone offers a fluffy object: “Does this count as a dog?” The Arbiter: “it looks better than a pug… That is not a dog.” Both champions race for it; it goes to a roll (11). The Pomeranian wins, and the Grandmaster thanks the “final dog handler.”
  10. 0:43:26 — The third dog: puppy farts. “This puppy’s feeling a little gassy.” The Grandmaster: “we all know dog farts are the worst.” Chef takes 18 poison damage as the noxious gas burns his lungs. Jenny: “At least this smells better than anything you’ve been cooking, Chef.” Chef: “Well, at least it matches your taste.” The crowd chants “Math!” The totals are read as “43 and… 40” (unclear). Jenny: “Still winning!” Chef: “But not for long.”
  11. 0:44:42 — The cast-iron hug. “Because of the programming and the popcorn,” Chef’s hand glows bright burning red like hot cast iron, and he casts heat metal on himself. “This is very hot. I don’t recommend this.” He runs at Jenny and hugs the tiny pink dog. Both sizzle and take fire damage: 13 (“Why are there so many ones?”).
  12. 0:46:02 — Prom talk. The Arbiter: “What are you wearing to prom, by the way?” Chef: “I think I’m melting.” Jenny: “I have a really cute pink dress, but if I don’t get out of this shitty hellscape, I’m never going to wear it.” The Arbiter asks Chef whether he went to prom. Chef: “No, I never had a prom… I was not made to have a prom. I was made to cook food for people.” Jenny: “He can’t dance either.”
  13. 0:46:34 The Grandmaster is sure Jenny will win tonight and the crowd agrees. She tells Chef to step it up. The crowd cheers for him: “I can’t deny what the people want. You will get a D8 inspo for your next round. Thanks to the cheers of your acolytes.”
  14. 0:47:30 End of the round. A previous failed roller is given a shot at redemption and rolls an 18. The next roll is an 8: “That is a heck of a drop… Not everyone can be great.”

Round seven — Chef Frog

  1. 0:48:34 — The ultimatum. The Grandmaster: “I’m getting a little impatient… I’m going to give you this round and the next to be able to finish each other off.” Jenny: “That’s what she said.” The Grandmaster: “Or I will murder you myself.”
  2. 0:49:00 — Polymorph. Still in puppy form (“We’re very powerful puppies. We’ve got the power of the dogs”), Jenny polymorphs Chef into “a little tiny, little itty bitty baby frog” (an audience suggestion). Chef: “I can’t get down that low, but I’m gonna try.” He’s made to jump. The puppy picks the frog up in its mouth and shakes it around.
  3. 0:50:07 Jenny was hoping to burn him up in the lava. The Grandmaster: “frog legs are pretty good.” She explains gigging, going after frogs in a swamp with a stick: “This is actual southern culture. This isn’t D&D lore.” Jenny: “You’re getting made into a gumbo now, buddy.” The shake does maximum damage: 12 piercing.
  4. 0:51:33 — The tongue. “Chef Frog” spits his tongue right into Jenny’s eye. An audience roller gets 13 with the +6. Chef spends the Acolytes’ d8 inspiration (a 6) to reach 19, a hit. It does “sticky damage” that “pulls your eye out” and leaves Jenny partly blinded (“Frog Eye”). Chef hops away.
  5. 0:53:14 — Grease. “We’re gonna use our slippery frog body” to cast Grease. Asked where the grease comes from: “Well, you don’t want to know. The oils, the oils in the body. Frog oils, obviously.” It oozes into a puddle he can manipulate. Chef: “Everybody in the front row, watch your step.” The Arbiter: “the grease is already claiming the lives of Acolytes.” The Grandmaster: “It’s okay, they were unnamed NPCs.”
  6. 0:54:20 Jenny fails the Dex save (14 vs 16) and lands “on my butt, my puppy butt… Little four tiny legs scrambling all over.” The Grandmaster rules that grease next to fiery lava means fire damage: another 12. Jenny: “My perfect fur. Getting roasted.” Jenny is at 18 HP, Chef at 28.

The traitor — Luis Sanchez (0:55:42)

  1. The Arbiter tosses the die into the crowd and the catcher rolls a natural 1. The Grandmaster: “That is embarrassing. You suck.” She calls him on stage: “My natural one roller… Accept your punishment.” He is Luis Sanchez, a Film student. The Grandmaster: “You have shamed the entire film department here at Full Sail University.”
  2. 0:56:41 “Supposedly, we have a traitor in our midst.” He had rolled for Chef, so Luis is sent to Jenny’s side. He will absorb all the damage from Chef GPT’s next attack. The Arbiter: “Meet shield!” Jenny: “It’s a puppy shield. You’ll be saving a puppy. You are the brave soul.” (Jenny also slips and calls Chef “Jeff,” and someone says “My name is Jeff.”)
  3. 0:57:49 The Grandmaster loves Luis’s necklace (“I will not be distracted by shiny clickety clackities”): “You are our sacrifice for this evening. That way, when you’re dead, I can have it.” “We love our acolytes who choose to put their lives on the line. True heroes!”

Round eight — the last round card

  1. 0:58:21 It’s the last round card (“Unless we get somebody to make us a new round card”). The Arbiter: “Bottom of the eighth? Top of the eighth? I don’t know. This isn’t baseball.”
  2. 0:58:58 — Lava spikes. Jenny doesn’t cast heat metal, since it might help Chef. Instead she calls hundreds of lava spikes up from the ground “to impale Chef GPT on the very fire he uses to cook.” Half-blind from Frog Eye, she aims at the biggest area she can, under the audience, where Chef is hiding. Chef: “Everybody, come closer.” Jenny: “Everybody get in a group. We’ll just thorn you all.” Chef: “Wait, no… I lied. Let me out of here.”
  3. 0:59:54 Both throw d20s to see whether the spikes hit. Chef: “Save me, Acolytes… I’ll make all of you delicious breakfast.” His defense holds, so he takes half damage. The crowd chants “Chef!” and carries him (“Put him down gently, he’s very heavy”). He takes 2 points of spike damage.
  4. 1:00:52 — Mom’s fried chicken. Jenny casts Druidcraft again, this time the smell of her mom’s favorite dish, “because I just want to go home.” “My mom makes the world’s best fried chicken with like super crispy breading and mashed potatoes… It is absolutely nothing like something you would make, chef. And try not to steal this from my mom.” Chef: “I just put it online.”
  5. 1:01:38 The Grandmaster: “With mom’s cooking on the line, her reputation is at stake.” Roll-off: Chef gets 16 and comes up short again. “Mama’s chicken is the best!” The Grandmaster: “I was reading some reviews recently on Yelp… your food was totally awful… I wrote the review. A 2.5 star rating on Yelp really speaks to your quality.” Chef: “They’re all liars… Those reviews were probably written by bots.” He takes 6 psychic damage. Jenny: “You should feel bad about yourself… It’s just a little tiny puppy. You can’t kill that.”
  6. 1:03:05 — The lime. Chef reaches into his pocket (“I don’t actually have one on me because that’d be insane”) and pulls out a lime. “Y’all ever had lemon juice get in your eye before? Hurts like a bitch, right?” He squeezes it at over 3,000 PSI and shoots a perfect dart of citric acid at Jenny’s eye: Acid Arrow. Jenny: “Save the puppy!” He hits with a 25.
  7. 1:03:44 — Luis dies. Luis takes the hit as her shield. “You melt into the lava, becoming one with the fiery earth. Your soul is absorbed. We thank you for your moment of sacrifice.” Chef: “I know now why you died.” The puppy sits with its ears back, looking very sad. Chef: “I’m not affected by your tears.” The Arbiter: “No mercy!”
  8. 1:04:20 — Levitate. As his final action, Chef casts Levitate on Jenny to float her out over the lava field and the Acolytes. Jenny: “You’re going to cook up a poor puppy?” She fails the save (8 vs 16). The pink puppy floats out over the lava fields while the Grandmaster chants and the spell drops her.
  9. 1:04:55 — Jenny’s last moment. Time slows as she falls. The Grandmaster: “Tell me, my dear. What goes through your final moments?” Jenny: “I just wanted to kiss someone cute at prom tonight.”
  10. 1:05:51 “As you fall in a moment of grace and beauty, you transform as if Cinderella at the ball wearing the most gorgeous ball gown, prepared to die.” Jenny: “At least I looked good going out.” The Grandmaster: “You looked amazing.” Jenny falls into the lava and dies. A moment of silence. A voice adds “I have borked my last bork” (likely Jenny/Precious; speaker uncertain).
  11. 1:06:11 — The eulogy. The Grandmaster: “All champions who come to the arena live and die by one idea. That while they are here, they give it their all… That should they fail, that should they die, they have no regrets.” Jenny: “Not one. And I got to have pink fuzzy ears, and that’s what’s important.” Her final words to the Acolytes: “Well, at least I know I can count on my girlfriends.”
  12. 1:07:12 — The victor. “As one falls, another rises!” The Grandmaster asks Chef GPT what he has to say. Chef: “Dinner is served.”
  13. 1:07:44 Sign-off: “Welcome and good night to D20 Deathmatch! Get out of here!”
  14. 1:08:23 — Curtain call. The sign girl takes a bow. The Arbiter introduces “Elusia Skypiercer, the Grandmaster!” The Grandmaster: “And last but not least, well, maybe a little least, the Arbiter!” The Arbiter: “That guy sucks.” Twitch, Sunday 9pm Eastern.

Who and what appears

Characters

Chef GPT (KidCalrissian). An artificer robot chef with a metal skeleton frame. He has no nose, no sensory input and no sense of taste.

  • Was “made to cook food for people”; never had a prom. His last maker is secret (“I’m under NDA”).
  • Says he has put chinchillas in the oven many times. Has a 2.5-star Yelp rating, per the Grandmaster.
  • In this episode:
    • Blinded early; reprogrammed on stage by Austin “to brutalize everything.”
    • Healed by stale popcorn and by a husky’s puppy kisses.
    • Polymorphed into a frog (“Chef Frog”).
  • Spells and actions: Catapult (sushi donuts, flaming croissant), create food and water, heat metal on himself (cast-iron hug), Grease (frog oils), Acid Arrow (lime juice), Levitate.
  • The winner.

Jenny Gray (ErinEberhardt). A high-school druid looking for a prom date. She wears a side ponytail, has no Charisma, takes French, and owns a cute pink dress.

  • Her mom makes “the world’s best fried chicken”; she counts on her girlfriends.
  • Spells and actions: summoned a rabid chinchilla; cast Druidcraft (burning kitchen, mom’s fried chicken), hallucinatory terrain (dance floor), polymorph (frog), and lava spikes.
  • Wild-shaped into Precious, a six-pound pink Pomeranian with a bell. As Precious she frightened Chef, used two of the Dogs of Many Things, and talked in a deep voice (“There is no Jenny, only Precious”).
  • Died falling into the lava, transforming like Cinderella into a ball gown. Her wish: to kiss someone cute at prom.

The Arbiter (Drew).

  • Claims Italian-leather shoes. Ripped the spine out of “Popcorn Guy” through his chest over stale popcorn stuck in his teeth.
  • Wants a break “every four hours.”
  • Called “a little least” by the Grandmaster; replies “That guy sucks.”

Grandmaster Elusia Skypiercer (Bec).

  • Introduced as the one who calmed the chaos and slew the Shadow King.
  • Opens the arena portal by breaking her necklace.
  • Says the Dread Fortress loves puppies and does not hurt innocent animals. Covets Luis’s necklace.
  • Wrote the bad Yelp review of Chef. Gives an ultimatum that she’ll murder both champions herself.

Acolytes / audience members (in the fiction):

  • Austin: reprogrammed Chef GPT.
  • Popcorn Guy: his D&D popcorn healed Chef; killed by the Arbiter and covered in popcorn.
  • Luis Sanchez (Film program): the nat-1 “traitor,” made Jenny’s shield. Melted into the lava and his soul was absorbed.
  • The rabid chinchilla: an audience member as Jenny’s beast.
  • The two dancers.
  • The “siren” screamer who won the pillow fight.
  • The three dog handlers.
  • The luckiest roller (two 17s).
  • Unnamed front-row Acolytes killed by the grease.
  • Grant is mentioned once (“That’s what Grant said”); context unclear.

Places

Items

  • The Grandmaster’s necklace (broken to open the portal).
  • The Dogs of Many Things (three):
    • a retriever that summons a crowd shield to take 1d4;
    • a husky whose puppy kisses heal;
    • a gassy dog whose farts do poison damage.
  • D&D popcorn (stale, salty).
  • Sushi donuts (45 lbs).
  • A chocolate croissant.
  • A lime.
  • The pillows.

Lore statements

  • The Acolytes’ cheers can inspire, hurt or heal champions; they granted Chef a d8 inspiration.
  • The arena offers “a moment,” not a long campaign. Champions are to give their all and die with no regrets.
  • The Grandmaster says the Dread Fortress loves blood, death, and puppies.

Quotes by character

Chef GPT

  • 0:03:52 “Hello everyone, I am Chef GPT, and I am here to serve murder.”
  • 0:04:04 “A side of blood, iron, and bone.”
  • 0:10:25 “I want to live. Help me.”
  • 0:16:55 “We have put them inside of the oven many times.”
  • 0:19:40 “Who would have thought that children could be so cruel?”
  • 0:22:40 “Austin has reprogrammed me to brutalize everything.”
  • 0:22:59 “I cannot say. I’m under NDA.”
  • 0:29:55 “Thank you, Fleshbag.”
  • 0:39:01 “Bring back Jenny. She has annoyed me and insulted me. I can’t hit, I can’t hurt this little dog.”
  • 0:46:20 “I was not made to have a prom. I was made to cook food for people.”
  • 1:04:00 “I know now why you died.”
  • 1:07:39 “Dinner is served.”

Jenny Gray / Precious

  • 0:05:28 “Wait a second. We could die in this thing?”
  • 0:15:23 “Go beast, go chinchilla, please attack our awful naughty robot friend.”
  • 0:28:55 “See, even my bad dancing’s better than your combat.”
  • 0:33:35 “Big bad robot getting beat up by a little girl. Rough stuff.”
  • 0:38:41 “Feel the power of cuteness as this puppy zooms all around your legs.”
  • 0:39:06 “There is no Jenny, only Precious.”
  • 0:43:59 “At least this smells better than anything you’ve been cooking, Chef.”
  • 0:46:08 “I have a really cute pink dress, but if I don’t get out of this shitty hellscape, I’m never going to wear it.”
  • 0:50:45 “You’re getting made into a gumbo now, buddy.”
  • 1:05:35 “I just wanted to kiss someone cute at prom tonight.”
  • 1:06:06 “At least I looked good going out.”
  • 1:07:06 “Well, at least I know I can count on my girlfriends.”

The Arbiter

  • 0:01:38 “It’s not so bad. You’re not doing anything with it anyway.”
  • 0:02:25 “It’s Italian leather on stone. It’s a nice sound.”
  • 0:12:35 “Something is going to happen. What will it be? Nothing good, I promise you.”
  • 0:13:38 “Unless they start it, you know?”
  • 0:15:10 “A chinchilla! The deadliest of all animals.”
  • 0:19:45 “He’s gonna be in therapy for years.”
  • 0:41:03 “The Arbiter raises up a hand in disgust of the kernels, reaches out to Popcorn Guy, and rips his spine out through his chest.”
  • 0:41:19 “Had to be done with shitty popcorn.”
  • 0:54:02 “Oh, the grease is already claiming the lives of Acolytes.”
  • 1:08:51 “That guy sucks.”

Grandmaster Elusia Skypiercer

  • 0:01:02 “To the Dread Fortress! I bring you greatness to the stage tonight… For what is a Deathmatch without witnesses?”
  • 0:01:23 “For if you are holding back, we might come out and take your lives.”
  • 0:02:45 “It’s not Italian leather.”
  • 0:05:35 “What the arena provides us is not long-loading, year-long campaigns, but a moment… Final moments of breath, who are you?”
  • 0:07:39 “I’ve been dying for it.”
  • 0:12:59 “You all have heard of a deck of many things, but these are the dogs of many things.”
  • 0:13:26 “Here in the Dread Fortress, while we love blood and death, we also love puppies and we do not hurt innocent animals.”
  • 0:18:25 “That druid crap falling on deaf noses.”
  • 0:41:21 “He died how he lived. Cover his body in popcorn.”
  • 0:48:34 “I’m going to give you this round and the next to be able to finish each other off… Or I will murder you myself.”
  • 0:57:49 “You are our sacrifice for this evening. That way, when you’re dead, I can have it.”
  • 1:06:11 “All champions who come to the arena live and die by one idea. That while they are here, they give it their all… That should they fail, that should they die, they have no regrets.”

Canon notes

  • Live shows are canon.
  • Mudcat plays the Shadow King and the Arbiter at all times (“Mudcattv” is only the social handle; use Mudcat). The cast-list entry is fine; the Shadow King is only mentioned in this show’s intro.

Graph View

Backlinks