D20 Deathmatch Wiki

S4E7 — Wings — Misery v Daisy Bloom

Properties1
tagsepisode, season-4

39 min read

Champions and playersDeeEmSteve as Misery; TAYvanbiljon as Daisy Bloom
ResultMisery (decapitates Daisy with a Vorpal Greatsword crit)
Arenaan abandoned, dusty excavation site of sand, low walls and dunes, with one tiny cactus garden. It is unnamed. A sand tornado later engulfs it.
HostsMudcat (the Shadow King, narration, rulings) and Caustic Phoenix (Grandmaster Elusia Skypiercer, chaos events)
WatchYouTube

What happens

Opening — ribs in the throne room

  1. 0:01:56 “Welcome to D20 Deathmatch!” Bec teases Drew that his yell was “a little wavy.” Drew says he’s switching it up.
  2. 0:02:47 The Acolytes are welcomed into the Dread Fortress. Its castle stands among angry, constantly rumbling volcanoes, “this beautiful soundtrack of disruption.” The Grandmaster charges down the hallway once again and bursts through the doors.
  3. 0:03:18 The Shadow King is standing at a hot, smoky grill in his throne room, flipping a rack of ribs. Elusia: “You know we have a kitchen, right? Like a full floor that has an entire kitchen.” He replies: “This is my throne room. I can do what I want with it.” He’s smoking them “low and slow.”
  4. 0:04:05 — Sauce. He uses “the only kind that matters”: Kansas City sweet sauce. Elusia approves: “Nobody likes vinegar sauces… None of that mustard base. Vomit everywhere… At least I know we’re still somewhat related for a reason.”
  5. 0:04:26 Shadow King: “Yes, I might have killed your friend and taken over this, you know, your throne and your empire, but I’m not a monster.” Elusia: “At least we all have standards.”
  6. 0:04:39 — The tailgate. Elusia asks if this is the pre-cookout for “the yelling football thingy.” He supplies the word “Tailgate?” She says they “dress up in cosplay and they go wild.” He points at the ribs: “this fellow here had a tail.” Elusia: “Very funny. Haha, he had a tail.”
  7. 0:05:20 — The champions arrive. Elusia rips the amulet from around her neck and cuts her hand with it. The blood “begins to pour down quite easily at this point.” A portal opens and two champions step in: Daisy Bloom, Beacon of Village Town, and Misery.
  8. 0:05:57 — Daisy’s introduction. She overheard the ribs talk. Her favorite sauce is ketchup, “but I think there might be ketchup and mustard in it at the same time.” She brings “the power of friendship and love and light because I am the beacon of village town.” She claims to be unlike anyone they’ve met: “I have dead parents and a mysterious patron and I’ve been chosen to save the world and that’s never happened to anyone before.” Elusia: “No, no you cannot. A wonderful beacon, I’m so grateful that you’ve graced us.”
  9. 0:06:55 — Misery’s introduction. “What are any of us doing here, really?” He notes that spoiled wine can become vinegar, “some value from what is lost. But human souls, they aren’t like that. When they’re spent, all that’s left is, well, I know all too well.” A black butterfly lands on his finger. He looks at it, crushes it and spreads the dust: “See, this one I like.”
  10. 0:07:38 Elusia asks whether that was his familiar. Daisy: “Isn’t it coming back?” Misery: “That feeling of hurt that you’re experiencing, hold on to it. Better to be sad and cry than feel nothing at all.”
  11. 0:08:02 Daisy says her makeup “is not makeup, I was born this way.” She tells Misery he “can go through 15 more butterflies because at the end of this we’re gonna be best friends.”
  12. 0:08:31 — The Grandmaster’s advice. “Best friends, or you might die trying… If they won’t be your friend, off them.” She agrees with Misery: “I would prefer a bottle of wine over some human beans… Humans are somehow the worst at times.” She says she was “reading faces” but was actually looking at a goblin. “You may bring your friendship, but be sure to smother them in friendship if you get my drift.” Shadow King: “Was that a joke or is that supposed to be funny?”
  13. 0:09:27 Daisy is confused about how she got here. Elusia: “You were chosen. Remember, Beacon.” Daisy: “I’ve been chosen so many times now that it’s just, it’s a lot.” Elusia: “This might be the last time you’re chosen if you don’t make it out alive.”
  14. 0:10:07 — Ribs to go. The ribs are done. The Shadow King snaps his fingers, and the goblins wrap the ribs in a towel and pack them in a cooler to take along. Elusia asks him to share. Misery: “I no longer experience any joy from food or drink.” Daisy: “Well, I’ll have yours!” The goblins bring ribs to everyone except Misery. Daisy puts each finished bone in her pocket. Misery: “Make a broth with that.” Steve (OOC): “If you don’t have barbecue, you’re miserable. That is like the through line for today’s episode.” Daisy: “You can barbecue anything.” Elusia: “Or anyone.”

The arena

  1. 0:11:08 Elusia grasps the amulet again, and blood drips down her other forearm. A blue portal opens. “Please, let me welcome the two of you to a beautiful, beautiful place.” Instead of flowers they breathe in dust that coats the throat and rattles in the lungs. “This is one of my favorite escapes.”
  2. 0:11:58 It is a place where “they’ve done a little excavating here or there until they found something that they really shouldn’t have dug up. And that’s why it’s abandoned today.” She tells them to “dig deep into each other’s own flesh and bone to discover something true, something treasurable.”
  3. 0:12:28 Acolytes float above, cheering. “Whether you may be buried here by the end of the battle, they will remember you nonetheless. So make sure you are known… unleash it all on us today.” Then: “This is starting to sound sexual.” Her wings open and she shoots into the sky: “Shadow King, I allow you to take care of the rest.” Shadow King: “I was just getting to the good part too… You will spill blood here today for the Acolytes.”
  4. 0:13:31 Daisy: “But I just met you, and I thought we were gonna be friends.” Initiative is Misery 20, Daisy 19.
  5. 0:14:05 — Opening lines. Daisy: “Let’s dance!” Misery looks up: “Words wasted time. I’ll show you why I’m here. And you follow through on your promise when this is done.” Bec says “Got it.” It sounded “like a haiku.” Daisy suggests poetry. Misery: “Poetry is a waste of my skills. Who would enjoy it? No one… It would only bring pain.” Shadow King: “Speaking of pain, round number one!”

Round 1

  1. 0:14:47 Misery: “Friendship, happiness, sands in your fingertips.” He drags his hand through the dust and lets it fall, then draws the greatsword from his back and shoves Daisy. She chooses not to contest, so she falls and slides back.
  2. 0:15:44 Daisy: “So that’s how you wanna greet a friend? That’s okay because I have all night… I was chosen to bring you back from the edge, Misery, and I’m gonna do it.” She picks up the sand that fell through his fingers and breathes it in: “I can already tell that you’re coming closer to my side of things… You can shove me all you want, but I’ll always get back up.”
  3. 0:16:40 Misery: “You know, I almost pity you. So full of life, jubilant. One day, it’ll be taken away from you… What will you breathe in? Ash? Dust? Or perhaps the sting of steel.” He attacks with advantage against the prone Daisy and crits on a 19 with the greatsword. Daisy: “This might not last the whole night, you guys.”
  4. 0:18:09 — The garden. Daisy scrambles away. “Do you know why I’m scrambling?” She has spotted the only place on the map with a little garden and crab-walks toward it. Bec asks for perception, since two walls block her view. Daisy only sees a dusty butterfly fly over: “a small little bit of hope,” a sign there is life here somewhere.
  5. 0:19:44 — The tears. Misery stands stoic. Up close, Daisy notices that Misery has been crying the entire time, a slow steady stream of tears. Bec adds that sand sticks to the tears and builds small mounds at his feet, which are later called sandcastles. Misery: “That’s not cute.”
  6. 0:20:50 Daisy: “Where a butterfly can land, only hope can grow. And that’s where I’m gonna go to draw my ultimate power.” She crab-walks off, provoking an opportunity attack. Misery: “maybe I can grant you the sweet release of, well…” He misses, and his greatsword dives into the dirt. As Daisy crawls away, Misery leans down and stares into the blade, “as if somewhere else. Memories, memories, memories.”
  7. 0:22:54 — The cactus garden. She reaches a tiny cactus garden with pink and yellow blooms, “a place of great power for me.” She lies dramatically among the cacti in “a very vogue moment” and tries not to touch them. Acolytes, some of whom have clearly been hurt, yell down: “Don’t touch the cacti!” It’s “just an echo in the wind.”
  8. 0:24:26 — Janet. Daisy casts Find Steed and summons a moth: a mid-sized moth drawn by her three lanterns and glow stick. It glows faintly to match her aura and wears a harness she calls “a shitty bra” that she holds onto “like a grocery bag.” It carries her six inches off the ground. Bec: “Your friend.” Daisy: “It’s not a steed, it’s a friend. Summon friend.”
  9. 0:26:13 Daisy speaks Primordial to it while they glide over the sand: “Thank you for coming to me from the beyond… I’ve been trying to convert Misery like for 36 minutes already… you look really familiar… can I get your name?” She rolls animal handling, her dump stat. Misery: “Maybe you should’ve asked for their name before this.” The moth answers: “My name’s Janet.” Daisy: “Thank you, Janet… Something amazing is gonna come from this.” Janet nods: “I’m here for you. Let me lift you.” Janet rises to seven inches. Daisy: “That’s what the power of friendship can do for you. Believe it.”
  10. 0:31:46 Daisy: “I’m here for a good time, not a long time… I’m just here to spread my spores, baby.” Bec: “Be free, Daisy Bloom, of the rules and norms that everybody else has.” Janet looks down: “You be you,” and winks. Daisy: “Thanks, Jaina [sic]. We’re gonna live forever.”
  11. 0:32:18 The Shadow King rolls a 19 at the end of the round: “Don’t you worry about it… You don’t ask questions, we ask questions.” Daisy: “Asking questions is a really good way to learn.” Misery: “You’re not here to learn, you’re here to kill each other.” The GM tells him to shut up. Misery then takes Daisy’s side: “I might be the embodiment of misery and pain and stuff, but they’re being super mean to you right now.” Daisy: “My God, thank you.” GM: “You can shut up again, Misery.” Shadow King: “I don’t like any of this. Round number two.”

Round 2 — the death of Janet

  1. 0:33:00 Misery to the crowd: “Is this a mockery to me? Is this some kind of sick joke? This is what you put me against? This cannot be over fast enough.” He saunters past the wall, dragging the greatsword through the sand, nose to nose with Daisy. “This will hurt me more than it hurts Janet.” He attacks the steed.
  2. 0:34:30 Janet is slain. “There’s like a warp, like the frame rate changed a little bit.” At the end of the strike, Janet slides apart. No blood comes out; black and white butterflies escape the body, fly up, turn to dust and blow away.
  3. 0:34:59 The dust drifts up into the stands, and the Acolytes choke on “the dead mini versions of Janet.” Bec: “Baby Janets are ashy… We are all Janet. We have all now consumed some Janet in our life.” Daisy argues this empowers her, since everyone now carries a piece of her friend.
  4. 0:35:55 — Daisy’s backstory. Elusia asks for a story where Daisy ate a dead friend and was empowered. Daisy tells it:
    • She grew up “a scion of village town.” She was an orphan: both parents were killed in “a really bizarre planned thing by a supernatural force of evil,” something “going on my whole life.”
    • She was chosen “by this, like, alien” to defeat them.
    • She was there, aged “three or eight,” lying between her eviscerated parents in their blood.
    • She “learned to be this, like, lethal fighter… good at everything that I tried to do because that’s, like, kind of how this goes.”
    • She lolled her tongue out and slurped up all the blood, “a couple liters maybe,” with “a lot of dirt in it… vitamins and minerals.” Then she “popped up like, you know, pushing daisies.”
    • Afterward “I took out like 15 villages… I don’t even think that they were all like a part of it.” Seeing a mob is the only thing that calms her, “because they were there too and they drank some of the blood with me.”
  5. 0:39:32 — 7-Up. Elusia: “I can’t even drink one liter of 7-Up… 7-Up’s gross, but my family’s blood mixed with dirt is perfectly fine… clearly, you’ve lost your mind.” Shadow King: “Get out of here with that 7-Up!” The crowd/DMs award Daisy a d6 inspiration for the story.
  6. 0:40:09 — Misery’s first flashback. As he listens, Misery has flashbacks in still frames: children laughing, the flash of a blade, Misery on his knees at a grave. He cries even more, and the sandcastles grow. The dust of Janet lies at his feet.
  7. 0:40:41 — Into the cacti. With his extra attack, Misery shoves Daisy into the cacti. She asks whether thorns could benefit her as a plant person. Bec says no: “I’m gonna let you drink blood and heal from that… but I’m not gonna let you take a spike into your body and be like, what if the damage is healing?” She contests, citing her plate, but Misery wins (18). Needles get into the joints of her plate, the armpits and the backs of the knees. Daisy: “This is like when you fall in snow and it goes in your butt… Ruins your whole life.” Her life lesson: “You see a new cactus… you get a new boyfriend, you’re like, I can change him… But the cactus always gets you in the end, baby.”
  8. 0:43:40 Misery grinds one of his sandcastles back into the earth with his heel, looks at Daisy and gestures: bring it, bring more.
  9. 0:43:53 — Cactus combat. Lying in the cactus, Daisy considers lying there to die, but chooses to fight. “I came here to make Misery my friend.” She has two warhammers and asks if that means four hits. Drew says no. Instead she rips up the cacti and fights with them. Drew: “if you’re dual fisting cactuses, then I think you can make three strikes.” Bec asks whether it’s “dual fisting or butt fist,” and the table derails (“They were on my butt”). Bec: “I will no longer be DMing for the rest of this.” The cacti count as light finesse weapons.
  10. 0:47:02 Three cactus strikes. One hits (22), one is a glancing blow (16, half damage), and one is a nat 1: needles are pushed into her own body. Daisy’s first nat 1 is noted (“there was a nat 1 rolled on this floor”). A tangent about hiding pills in hot dogs follows; Shadow King: “And for people when you don’t want them to know.” Bec: “Hard no.” Daisy laments “all these stupid protection spells… none of them are little healies.” She wants to cast Sanctuary, but she has no bonus action left.
  11. 0:49:40 — The Heelys. Offering a little sympathy, Elusia drops a package for each champion. It cracks open to reveal a pair of Heelys, which change nothing about movement, but now they can describe themselves “Heely-ing across the sand dunes.” Misery: “As the coolest kid in the hallways.” Daisy asks whether they light up, since cheap ones would be “really uncool.” Shadow King: “They’re the name brand ones… We’re not going to Great Value Heely you.”
  12. 0:50:53 Daisy complains that the Shadow King never asked what rib flavor they wanted (“we could have had like red or like could have had marshmallow”). Shadow King: “I gave you the only flavor that’s good… put on your shoes, lace up and get ready to rumble.” Daisy: “Real Heelys are velcro.” Bec: “Thank you for pointing out that I’ve never in my entire childhood or adulthood owned a pair of Heelys… I didn’t do my lore research on Heelys.”
  13. 0:52:12 The Grandmaster is upset that no one thanked her or smiled for the gift. “We’re going to take a 10 minute break. I’m going to cool down. And when we come back, I’m bringing some chaos… the Acolytes want it too.”

After the break — dodgeball

  1. 0:52:37 “Welcome back… Hopefully you got the moth nachos.” Elusia: “They are actual moths, not nachos shaped like moths… they were deep fried.” Daisy: “That’s the best way.”

  2. 0:53:03 — Chaos event: Acolyte dodgeball. “The Acolytes, as if in unison, pull all of the junk out of their pockets and begin to throw them at you.” Chat names the items:

    • popcorn (“helps our sales”)
    • stinky cheese, spaghetti, and “your tax returns! …unfinished”
    • records, hot dogs, 18 pennies and lint
    • raccoons of varying sizes, which soar through and latch on with their claws
    • fish heads, cats, confetti, pineapple on pizza, moth nachos, and someone’s stolen Doritos

    Both champions fail their Dex saves and take bludgeoning damage. Daisy: “I’m gonna have to start thinking responsibly.”

  3. 0:56:06 — The Grandmaster’s pockets. Disappointed in the meager pigs, nachos and beer, Elusia empties her own pockets and aims at them, with a harder save. Chat supplies the contents. The Shadow King offers the rib bones. Bec: “I have words in my pocket… I’m going on some butt fisting, and I throw it at you all.” Also thrown: dagger dice, squid and ramen. Both fail again (Misery 10, Daisy 8). “This is for you, Acolytes!”

  4. 0:57:12 — Forty Man’s box. Elusia tells a chat member: “40 man. You keep that box with a hole cut in it. You save that for your special someone.” Daisy and the Shadow King want to know what’s in it. Forty is lifted out of the stands and floated to the Shadow King, who grabs him with a shadowy hand. “Show me what’s in the box!” He lifts the lid: “Oh. It’s just his dick!”

  5. 0:57:49 — Forty’s soul. The Shadow King turns his other hand into a shadow blade, slices Forty through the chest and rips out a black soul. He throws the body onto the battlefield, where it thuds beside the champions. “Here! Let’s spice things up a bit!” He snaps his fingers, the Box of Chaos falls from the sky, and he throws the soul in. Pink and yellow flames erupt in a column into the sky.

  6. 0:59:10 — Box rules. Shadow King: “You can use the Box of Chaos as a free action. If you make a sacrifice to it, you can get a magic item in return.” “Any sacrifice. We don’t care… your eyelash… or your opponent or pieces of your opponent or some sand… what you give may impact what you get out, or not at all. We don’t know.”

Round 3 — betrayal and blindness

  1. 0:59:52 Misery: “You keep talking about friendship… But have you ever had friendship wielded against you? Do you know what it feels like to feel the sting of betrayal? To know what it feels like to look into the eyes of someone you loved and know that they never felt it back?” He raises his sword. The first attack hits through her plate (22). The second is a nat 1: his tears and the sand stick to his wet skin, get in his eyes, and blind him until his next turn.
  2. 1:01:17 As the tears well up and he can’t see, Misery: “I know that pain. I live by that pain and I hold onto it. It’s the only thing that keeps me in this world.” Bec: “That needed to happen.” Misery: “Totally meant to do this.”
  3. 1:02:12 — Testing the blindness. Daisy makes a rude gesture at Misery to test whether he’s blind: “I didn’t touch you.” It’s sleight of hand against perception, and both roll 4. Then Misery reveals that his second fighting style is Blind Fighting. Bec: “Are you kidding me?” Daisy, angry: “I’m playing your little game.” Misery doesn’t react to the gesture (“No, just tears”), so as far as Daisy knows he is blind.
  4. 1:04:44 — From behind. Daisy does a cool acrobatic flip and lands behind Misery, then warhammers him “from the back.” Bec: “Some people enjoy that. We’ll find out if Misery does.” Her first swing is a glancing blow for 1 damage. Drew: “This is the first time you’ve done it without hurting yourself, though.” Daisy: “Every day, we get better.” Her second warhammer hits (18). “Amazing, magic, close-up magic… David Blaine.”
  5. 1:08:43 — Criss Angel vs David Copperfield (table bit, played partly in-world). Steve says his first costume idea was too Criss Angel. Bec: “This is not a Criss Angel place, okay? We are strictly David Copperfield only… he knows how to tell a story.” Daisy defends Criss Angel: “Criss Angel has, like, three different stories. One of them is motorcycles, and the other one is just saying mind freak 37 times.” Bec: “I fireball you for three points of damage.” Daisy: “MIND FREAK and I disappear and I show up somewhere else… then I open my mouth and the fireball comes back out.”
  6. 1:10:52 — The prayer. Daisy: “Criss Angel, help me!” Elusia: “Criss Angel can’t hear you here… He’s not your patron.” Daisy asks Misery if he likes Criss Angel. Misery: “Misery doesn’t like anything.” Daisy says she has “a really cool poster” of him. For her bonus action she casts Sanctuary while bowing on her knees behind Misery and praying to Criss Angel.
  7. 1:12:37 Elusia: “There’s people in the chat that are only on Team David Copperfield.” She reminds them the Box of Chaos is here for “some sort of goody as a free action.” Then: “By the grace of our David Copperfield fans, both of you have been gifted hero points… plus ultra, super saiyan, dream big… use it before you die!” Daisy: “Which is gonna be soon for some of us.” Elusia: “Probably within the next 30 minutes, according to my plan.”

Round 4 — the Vorpal Greatsword

  1. 1:13:52 — Misery’s tears in the Box. Using Blind Fighting, Misery drags his greatsword to the Box of Chaos, which is within 10 ft. Still talking to Daisy: “There’s so much pain can bring. It can ground you. It can center you. It can make you feel like you’re still alive. In fact, sometimes it’s the only thing you can feel to know you’re alive.” He puts his face over the box and cries into it, and the tears fall in.
  2. 1:14:46 — Second flashback. One of the kids from the earlier flashback, laughing, runs toward a young Misery (“maybe not Misery at the time”). They hug. Then a silhouette of a knife going through someone, and Misery coughs out blood.
  3. 1:15:36 He rolls d100: 56. Daisy: “Are you going to stab a kid?” Elusia: “We don’t just keep children in the box. They’re all adults. There’s Gator and Blissful and Vegeta and Scribd… You can stab one of them, though… They’re just souls.”
  4. 1:16:02 — The Box answers. Two yellow eyes and a clawed hand reach up from inside the box. “Quit!” It slams the lid shut, and the box rumbles. The lid flips open, and a column of heatless fire, yellow and pink, shoots into the sky. A shadowy hand rises out of the box and puts a new sword in Misery’s hands: a Vorpal Greatsword that decapitates on a crit. Misery: “This is dangerous in a fighter champion’s hands.”
  5. 1:17:00 — The blade of nothingness. Still looking at Daisy with blinded eyes, Misery grabs the hilt. A cloud of butterflies passes through and lands on the blade, then melds into it. It loses its steel sheen and becomes void: “a blade of nothingness, as if it was cut out of reality.” Misery: “When there’s nothing left, when you can’t feel pain anymore, you become the most dangerous thing in the world. You become a monster. You understand now?” Daisy: “I mean, we could still be monsters together. As long as we’re together.” Misery: “Then the lesson continues.” Bec: “I want that sword.”
  6. 1:18:17 — Sanctuary holds. Misery attacks while blind. Daisy is still kneeling behind him praying (“Criss Angel, please”). To get past Sanctuary he needs a Wisdom save, and he fails. “I’m tired of failing saves. I use Indomitable.” He fails again (14), so he can’t attack her. Bec: “This is what dreams are made of.” Daisy: “Criss Angel, thank you.”
  7. 1:19:40 — The forward roll. Daisy: “I thought you were blind and it kind of feels weird that you would lie about that… Praying to God, aka Criss Angel, was obviously the right thing to do.” She does a forward roll (“always a question when you’re over 30”) to get out from in front of him. As she rolls under him she swings both warhammers at his pelvis: “kind of like if a wheel had warhammers on it.” Drew: “A warhammer to the pelvis is going to hurt regardless.” The first is a glancing blow. She adds her inspiration die to the second (“please, Criss Angel. Where are you? Las Vegas?”), which hits for 9 bludgeoning. Daisy: “If we were just friends, this could all stop. But maybe it wouldn’t.” She refreshes Sanctuary.
  8. 1:23:03 Daisy: “Chris is in the house tonight.” Bec: the Shadow King was rolling the damage. Daisy: “Who was possessed by Chris Angel.” Shadow King: “Has anyone ever seen me and Chris Angel in the same place?” Bec (to Tay, about her costume): “I hope your backwards robe strangles you.” “It can’t because the string’s not long enough.” Gaara jokes: Misery gives off Gaara vibes. “You put us in a sand arena. What are you going to do?”
  9. 1:24:35 — Chaos: the sand tornado. Shadow King rolls 17. Elusia: “Let the sands of time be very unkind to you.” The Shadow King stands: “Let’s see Criss Angel do this!” He snaps his fingers, and the sand whirls into a vacuum and tornado around both champions, slowly sucking out the oxygen. Each round they must make a Con save. Both succeed and take half damage. Drew: “You only suffocated a little bit.” Daisy: “Some of us are down here in the 30s of HP, baby.” Shadow King: “Well, I guess you’ll have to kill him fast then.”

Round 5 — Daisy becomes the moth

  1. 1:26:19 Misery to the crowd: “Tricks. His foolishness, trying to garner some kind of joy out of life. There’s nothing at the end of this. You all must realize that.” He tries to break Sanctuary (“the power of Chris compels you,” says Daisy) and gets through.
  2. 1:26:53 The void blade comes down: a hit (19). Elusia reminds both of their hero points: “A chance to do anything.” A second Vorpal hit (20). Misery Action Surges for a third swing (“I’m fishing for something here,” meaning a crit). It hits.
  3. 1:28:36 — Find Steed, internal. Daisy spends her hero point. “You do not own the rights of Criss Angel, but you know what we do own the rights to? Moth carnage.” “Janet was not the only steed… I reach into the Void and I’m pulling out different people all the time… today it was Janet but tomorrow it could be Steven.” This time “the portal is me.” She casts Find Steed over her own mouth “to summon the steed within my body and let it break through my own flesh. And I’m going to become the moth.” The moth’s arms rip through her torso and ribcage, the wings spear out and unfurl from her back, antennae come out of her ears “because skulls are hard,” and she glows.
  4. 1:30:27 Bec asks for a nature check to see how moth-ish she becomes: 12, so 12% moth. The moth “blooms out of” her. Her eyes expand, big, glassy and prismatic. Her ears stretch into long antennae. Her hair turns fluffy, “cute and soft.” Giant, beautiful wings burst from her back. Her arms are slightly shorter, and she keeps human legs. “Moth on top, and human on bottom.” Daisy: “Ah, gross!… I can work with that.” The steed’s HP is added to hers, so she survives Misery’s hits with 1 HP.
  5. 1:32:08 — Misery’s Second Wind and the third flashback. Misery breathes in deeply as the storm swirls (“Now it’s getting gross”) and uses Second Wind. Flashback: the knife plunges through his back and he coughs blood. There’s a flash, and Misery’s eyes glow bright. Wings sprout from his back, and as they bloom out, the friend’s head in the silhouette slides off and falls to the ground. He regains 18 HP.
  6. 1:33:30 — The thigh choke. Daisy, at 1 HP: “I’m here for a good time, not a long time… I’ve got moth benefits and human benefits at the same time. This is a great time to be alive.” “Lower body strength for the win, Peloton,” which she figures she can afford as the Beacon. She flies up, grabs Misery with her “strapping thighs” and thigh-chokes him, trying to snap his neck. Bec: “I’ve never heard anyone interpret it that way, but yes, that is a legitimate unarmed strike.” It hits (24). In a new deep moth voice (“puberty”): “Friends forever!” (heard as “French forever”).
  7. 1:36:31 Misery makes a Con save “to see how strong your neck is” and rolls a 10. His neck creaks and a vertebra or two goes, but it doesn’t break. Misery: “I’m gonna be caught in that endless chiropractor cycle now… maybe a fate worse than death.” Daisy: “My moth dust is like in your mouth and your nose and your eyes… But maybe you don’t care because we’re kind of the same.”
  8. 1:37:54 The Shadow King rolls 19. Elusia notes that Daisy has 1 HP, Misery is high in the sky being strangled, and Misery still holds his hero point.

Round 6 — Misery’s kill

  1. 1:38:34 Misery: “You held onto it for so long, so long. Friendship fueled you, but it’s a well that runs dry in so little time. Sands, like I said, in our fingertips. Friends, allies, meaningless in the grand scheme. At the end of the day, we’re just people clawing our way to the top, killing each other, hurting each other. It’s in our nature.” His hands are free. He misses with the first attack (14) and hits with the second. He spends his hero point to turn the hit into a crit, triggering the vorpal blade.
  2. 1:39:59 — The decapitation. A trail of viscera follows them through the air. Misery looks at the moth and holds her head in place: “I envied you. You lived a life with so much joy and happiness. You didn’t need to know the pain that I go through. The pain that I can never forget. The pain that fuels me. I hope that this was as painless as I thought it was. You didn’t deserve pain. You didn’t deserve this.” He guides the moth back down, embraces her and walks away. In silhouette, her head stays in place, then falls off.
  3. 1:40:57 — Final flashback. Misery stands at a freshly dug grave. A greatsword is driven into the ground as its marker, with memorabilia on the hilt. Misery is bandaged around the gut. He puts a hand on the hilt, pulls the sword out of the ground and walks off into a sunset. Back in the arena, still holding the moth, he looks up: “Then it’s done, isn’t it?”
  4. 1:41:31 Daisy: “No, because Criss Angel jumps out of the corpse.” Shadow King: “Criss Angel!” Elusia: “The real enemy was inside!” (Tay OOC: “Please do not take my melon cut death away from me.”)
  5. 1:41:42 — The deal. Shadow King: “I suppose it is. Are you satisfied with this?” Misery: “What kind of question? No, I’m not satisfied.” “A deal is a deal.” “What is it you want then?” Misery: “I want to swap places with him. Put me in the ground and give him a life. He was always better than me. He was everything to me. He deserves to live. I’m not valuable anymore.”
  6. 1:42:28 — The stone coffin. Shadow King: “I don’t see why I can’t accommodate.” He disappears into the shadows and is thrown out of them right in front of Misery. “Well, if it’s in the ground you want to go.” He stomps, the earth moves, and a stone coffin rises from the ground with its lid sliding off. Smiling for a moment, he reaches out, throws Misery into the coffin, seals the lid and buries it in the ground in one magical motion. “Mind freak.”
  7. 1:43:21 Just before the coffin closes, Misery, still crying, smiles for the first time in “years, decades.”
  8. 1:43:34 “Welcome. And goodnight to D20 Deathmatch!”

Dried Blood (after-show)

Out-of-character, creator notes:

  • Bec jokes that next time Steve can report on the coffin. Drew: “I guess it could have cremated you. I didn’t ask.” Steve: he said “into the ground,” so it was clear.
  • Is Misery an organ donor? Steve: Misery has no organs, just “wet sad notes.”
  • Bec loved Misery’s flashbacks: “We had Heartbreak and Beauty and then licking up blood from the dirt.”
  • Steve pictured Daisy with a proboscis when she slurped the blood. Tay: “I ship it.”
  • Drew thought Daisy’s backstory was the opening of Kung Pow! Enter the Fist until the blood drinking. Tay calls that the “hard left” requested by “our lawyers” for copyright.
  • On “Find Steed, but backwards”: Tay will “introduce a spell called Find Steed [Internal].” Drew: “You might be expecting a moth and you might get Criss Angel.”
  • Most unexpected moment: Steve says everything that came out of Daisy. Tay riffs on Lucy and on “I’m not in here with them, they’re in here with me.” She wonders if she gets to keep the human legs, “the secret weapon.”
  • Drew wanted to give her the neck break but felt 10 was “pretty good for a neck strength.” Bec: “Misery’s got to do some more neck workouts.”

Final words to the Acolytes (in character, canon, Dried Blood):

  • 1:51:26 Misery: “Don’t let anyone get close to you. Just distance yourself. Create as much distance as possible from other human beings. Because humans are only good for one thing, and it’s hurting you.”
  • 1:52:03 Daisy: “Don’t let people get close to you because that’s literally what killed me. But also don’t try to get away from them either because attack of opportunity, so just forward roll.”

Who and what appears

Characters

Misery (DeeEmSteve). A fighter, “a good, even six foot,” who calls himself “the embodiment of misery and pain and stuff.”

  • Cries constantly. His tears gather sand into little sandcastles at his feet.
  • Butterflies follow him and are part of his imagery: he crushes a black butterfly, Janet dissolves into butterflies, and butterflies meld into his sword.
  • “No longer experience[s] any joy from food or drink”; “Misery doesn’t like anything.” He calls poetry a waste of his skills.
  • Two fighting styles, one of them Blind Fighting. Also has Indomitable, Action Surge, Second Wind and Extra Attack.
  • Weapons: a greatsword carried on his back, and a Vorpal Greatsword from the Box of Chaos, reshaped into a void “blade of nothingness.”
  • Flashbacks (stated):
    • children laughing, a blade, Misery at a grave
    • a beloved friend hugs him, then a knife goes through someone and Misery coughs blood
    • Misery’s eyes glow and wings sprout from his back, and the friend’s silhouetted head slides off
    • Misery, bandaged in the gut, pulls a greatsword marker from a fresh grave and walks into a sunset
  • Inferred from 0:59:59, 1:14:46, 1:32:26 and 1:41:54: a friend he loved betrayed him, stabbing him in the back. Misery, sprouting wings, beheaded the friend, buried him, and took the sword from the grave. The episode title “Wings” likely refers to this. This is not stated outright.
  • He had a prior “promise”/“deal” with the Shadow King (0:14:10, 1:41:54).
  • After winning, he asked to swap places with “him”: “Put me in the ground and give him a life.” The Shadow King sealed Misery in a stone coffin underground. Misery smiled for the first time in years.

Daisy Bloom, Beacon of Village Town (TAYvanbiljon). A paladin (“Captain Paladin,” per Bec) in plate.

  • Gear and abilities: two warhammers (Two-Weapon Fighting), a javelin, three lanterns and a glow stick. She casts Find Steed and Sanctuary, has “stupid protection spells” but no healing, speaks Primordial, and animal handling is her dump stat. She has a “mysterious patron.”
  • Lore and personality:
    • Her makeup “is not makeup”; she was “born this way.”
    • Her favorite sauce is ketchup.
    • She brings “the power of friendship and love and light” and came to make Misery her friend.
    • Her orphan story: parents killed by a supernatural force of evil; chosen by an alien; drank liters of her parents’ blood mixed with dirt; “took out like 15 villages”; mobs calm her.
    • Pockets her rib bones.
    • Says she pulls different steeds from the Void each time.
    • Devoted to Criss Angel (has a poster, prays to him).
    • Over 30.
  • Transformation: cast Find Steed inside herself and became 12% moth (moth on top, human legs).
  • Thigh-choked Misery. Decapitated by Misery’s vorpal crit.

Janet (voiced by Bec). A glowing, mid-sized moth summoned by Find Steed, with a harness. She told Daisy her name, carried her 6–7 inches off the ground and winked at her (“You be you”). Cut apart by Misery. She dissolved into black and white butterflies and dust, which the Acolytes breathed in: “We are all Janet.” Once called “Jaina.”

The Shadow King (Drew).

  • Rules from the Dread Fortress throne room (“my throne room”). Smokes ribs low and slow with Kansas City sweet sauce. Goblins serve him.
  • “I might have killed your friend and taken over… your throne and your empire, but I’m not a monster.”
  • Killed Acolyte Forty and fed his soul to the Box of Chaos. Raised the sand tornado.
  • Honored Misery’s deal with the stone-coffin burial.
  • Claims nobody has seen him and Criss Angel in the same place.

Grandmaster Elusia Skypiercer (Bec).

  • Brings champions by cutting her hand/forearm with her amulet to open a blood portal (“pour down quite easily at this point”).
  • Hates vinegar and mustard barbecue sauces. Says she and the Shadow King are “still somewhat related.” Can’t drink one liter of 7-Up.
  • Prefers wine to “human beans.”
  • Gave both champions Heelys; she has never owned Heelys herself. She was upset when no one thanked her.
  • Ran the dodgeball event. Rules the arena “strictly David Copperfield only.”
  • “Shadow King just put that one in my pocket” (unclear).

Forty / “40 man”. An Acolyte (chat member) who brought a box with a hole cut in it, which held his own genitals. The Shadow King killed him with a shadow blade and put his black soul in the Box of Chaos. His body was left on the field.

Souls in the Box of Chaos: Gator, Blissful, Vegeta and Scribd (named by Bec; “they’re all adults… just souls”). A creature with two yellow eyes and a clawed hand is inside the Box.

“Him”: the friend Misery asked to be given life in his place (“He was always better than me. He was everything to me.”). It isn’t shown whether he was brought back.

Places

  • Dread Fortress, amid rumbling volcanoes. The throne room (now the Shadow King’s) has a grill. A full floor of the fortress is a kitchen. There is a hallway leading to the throne room.
  • The excavation arena: abandoned, dusty sand with low (5 ft) walls. People dug until “they found something that they really shouldn’t have dug up.” It has a tiny cactus garden with pink and yellow blooms. It’s one of Elusia’s “favorite escapes.” Acolytes float above it.
  • Village Town, Daisy’s home.

Items

  • Elusia’s amulet (opens portals with her blood).
  • Ribs (the goblins’ cooler), with Kansas City sweet sauce.
  • Light-up name-brand Heelys, one pair each.
  • Deep-fried moth nachos sold to the Acolytes.
  • Box of Chaos: falls from the sky when the Shadow King snaps. It’s fed with souls and erupts in heatless pink/yellow fire. Any sacrifice, used as a free action, may yield a magic item.
  • Misery’s Vorpal Greatsword (void blade).
  • Forty’s box with a hole.

Lore statements

  • The Shadow King killed the Grandmaster’s “friend” and took her throne and empire (0:04:26). He and Elusia are “somewhat related” (0:04:18).
  • “Your father didn’t bleed much,” the Shadow King says in reply to Elusia’s line about her family’s blood (inferred to be addressed to her).
  • Daisy claims her Find Steed reaches “into the Void” for different beings each time.
  • The Box of Chaos holds Acolyte souls and gives items for sacrifices.

Quotes by character

Misery

  • 0:06:55 “You know, I’ve heard that when wine goes bad, it can be repurposed to make a vinegar, some value from what is lost. But human souls, they aren’t like that.”
  • 0:07:51 “That feeling of hurt that you’re experiencing, hold on to it. Better to be sad and cry than feel nothing at all.”
  • 0:10:19 “I no longer experience any joy from food or drink.”
  • 0:14:10 “Words wasted time. I’ll show you why I’m here. And you follow through on your promise when this is done.”
  • 0:16:40 “You know, I almost pity you. So full of life, jubilant. One day, it’ll be taken away from you.”
  • 0:33:33 “This will hurt me more than it hurts Janet.”
  • 0:59:59 “Do you know what it feels like to sting, to feel the sting of betrayal? To know what it feels like to look into the eyes of someone you loved and know that they never felt it back.”
  • 1:01:17 “I know that pain. I live by that pain and I hold onto it. It’s the only thing that keeps me in this world.”
  • 1:17:00 “When there’s nothing left, when you can’t feel pain anymore, you become the most dangerous thing in the world. You become a monster. You understand now?”
  • 1:39:59 “I envied you. You lived a life with so much joy and happiness… You didn’t deserve pain. You didn’t deserve this.”
  • 1:41:54 “I want to swap places with him. Put me in the ground and give him a life. He was always better than me. He was everything to me.”
  • 1:51:26 (Dried Blood) “Humans are only good for one thing, and it’s hurting you.”

Daisy Bloom

  • 0:05:57 “I have dead parents and a mysterious patron and I’ve been chosen to save the world and that’s never happened to anyone before.”
  • 0:15:44 “I was chosen to bring you back from the edge, Misery, and I’m gonna do it.”
  • 0:16:30 “You can shove me all you want, but I’ll always get back up.”
  • 0:20:50 “I know in my heart that where a butterfly can land, only hope can grow.”
  • 0:28:09 “That’s what the power of friendship can do for you. Believe it.” (labeled 02; context suggests Daisy)
  • 0:32:02 “I’m here for a good time, not a long time… I’m just here to spread my spores, baby.”
  • 0:41:50 “But the cactus always gets you in the end, baby, don’t forget. Life lesson.”
  • 1:06:34 “Every day, we get better.”
  • 1:17:57 “I mean, we could still be monsters together. As long as we’re together.”
  • 1:29:32 “I’m going to summon the steed within my body and let it break through my own flesh.”
  • 1:36:20 “Friends forever!” (heard as “French forever”)
  • 1:52:03 (Dried Blood) “Don’t let people get close to you because that’s literally what killed me… so just forward roll.”

Janet

  • 0:27:28 “My name’s Janet.”
  • 0:27:52 “I’m here for you. Let me lift you.”
  • 0:32:08 “You be you.”

The Shadow King

  • 0:03:37 “This is my throne room. I can do what I want with it.”
  • 0:04:12 “The Kansas City sweet sauce, obviously.”
  • 0:04:26 “Yes, I might have killed your friend and taken over this, you know, your throne and your empire, but I’m not a monster.”
  • 0:04:57 “This fellow here had a tail.”
  • 0:38:58 “I’m really glad that becoming an orphan didn’t make you like that.”
  • 0:39:13 “Well, your father didn’t bleed much.”
  • 0:50:38 “They’re the name brand ones… We’re not going to Great Value Heely you.”
  • 0:57:49 “Show me what’s in the box!… Here! Let’s spice things up a bit!”
  • 1:23:26 “Has anyone ever seen me and Chris Angel in the same place?”
  • 1:24:49 “Let’s see Criss Angel do this!”
  • 1:41:42 “Are you satisfied with this?”
  • 1:42:28 “Well, if it’s in the ground you want to go… Mind freak.”

Grandmaster Elusia Skypiercer

  • 0:03:29 “You know we have a kitchen, right? Like a full floor that has an entire kitchen.”
  • 0:04:18 “At least I know we’re still somewhat related for a reason.”
  • 0:08:31 “Oftentimes, I would prefer a bottle of wine over some human beans.”
  • 0:09:13 “You may bring your friendship, but be sure to smother them in friendship if you get my drift.”
  • 0:09:45 “This might be the last time you’re chosen if you don’t make it out alive.”
  • 0:11:58 “Where they’ve done a little excavating here or there until they found something that they really shouldn’t have dug up.”
  • 0:12:28 “For whether you may be buried here by the end of the battle, they will remember you nonetheless.”
  • 0:35:37 “We are all Janet. We have all now consumed some Janet in our life.”
  • 0:39:32 “I can’t even drink one liter of 7-Up.”
  • 1:09:15 “This is not a Criss Angel place, okay? We are strictly David Copperfield only.”
  • 1:10:52 “Criss Angel can’t hear you here… He’s not your patron.”
  • 1:24:38 “Let the sands of time be very unkind to you.”

Canon notes

  • Deaths under the Shadow King are permanent unless a later season brings someone back.
  • Misery’s deal and the friend’s revival: unknown. Leave open.

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