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S2E9 — Bees — Rosa v Veronica

Properties1
tagsepisode, season-2

38 min read

Champions and playersRosa (YouTube credits Mendarii; the transcript suggests Jambo) and Veronica (YouTube credits Jambo; the transcript suggests Mendarii).
Resultnone. Neither champion dies. Both are hired as the Grandmaster’s bee farmers (beekeepers).
Arenathe bazaar, a desert market town with several suns that Elusia has “acquired” (name uncertain, possibly “the Abandon of Rita”
HostsMudcat (narration, the Arbiter) and Caustic Phoenix (Grandmaster Elusia Skypiercer, chaos events)
WatchYouTube

What happens

Opening — Zumba in the throne room

  1. 0:00:09 In the Dread Fortress, the Arbiter’s heels clack down the halls into Elusia’s throne room. He finds the Grandmaster “doing some strange and foreign movements.”
  2. 0:00:40 — Zumba. She has decided to “get a little more active these days.” After watching so many fights she thinks “I’m pretty sure I could do that. It’s been a while since I’ve had to.” She is starting a Zumba class and invites the Arbiter to join.
    • The Arbiter asks whether it’s a fighting technique, maybe Krav Maga. Her answer: “I’ll say yes, even though the answer is no.”
  3. 0:01:29 — Her outfit. She runs over with her crown falling sideways over a sweat headband. Her hair is in a messy ponytail, her dress is hitched and tied up, and she wears gym shorts underneath.
    • She teaches him a popular move: “one two one one two.” There is no three.
    • The Arbiter asks about six-eight time signatures and polyrhythms.
  4. 0:02:15 She explains: “I haven’t picked up my bow in a long time.” The Arbiter: “So this is more about you than it is about the dance.”
  5. 0:02:39 He asks if she’d like to see some people die. She wasn’t ready. She unties her dress, pulls off the sweatband, and insists she looks “obviously presentable.”
  6. 0:03:12 — Deathmatch Day. The Arbiter: “You’re the one who declared Sunday’s Deathmatch Day. Do we need to change the laws?”
  7. 0:03:17 — The goblins. She snaps her fingers. The goblins Thomas and Leed wheel out her throne chair, which is on wheels and squeaks all the way to the middle of the throne room. She asks for champions worthy enough to “teach me a move or two.”

The champions

  1. 0:03:53 The Arbiter rips a portal and presents Rosa versus Veronica.
  2. 0:04:22 — Rosa’s entrance: “I’m… Rosa. I’m here for fighting. It’s fight time! I’m gonna punch stuff… you’re going down town.”
  3. 0:05:25 — Veronica described. She is “someone who is competent and I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve.”
    • She is a half-elf with pale skin and long light-blue hair down her back.
    • She has a symbol tattooed on her forehead.
    • She wears a high-collared crop top, a skirt and wrist wraps, and has no sleeves. The GM: “Hiding her tricks up her wrist wraps.” Veronica: “Don’t ask too many questions.”
  4. 0:06:24 — “Bees.” Asked what she will bring to the arena, Rosa says: “Bees.”
    • The Grandmaster’s jaw drops.
    • The Arbiter: “Have we ever had bees?”
    • The GM: “Did you know that certain bees are endangered?” Rosa: “Bees will also put you in danger if you’re not careful.”
  5. 0:07:15 — Rosa described.
    • A halfling with long pink hair and a sunny disposition.
    • An eye patch. She presumably hurt herself somehow, but passes it off as a battle wound.
    • Very, very tight clothing.
    • “You have no idea where she put the bees.” The Arbiter: “Where are my bees, huh?”
  6. 0:08:46 — Bee facts.
    • The Arbiter claims the stinger is actually the bee’s head, which is why bees die when they sting. He admits it was “100% made up.”
    • Veronica gives the real reason: the stinger is connected to their insides and pulls some of them out. “I know a lot of weird bee facts.”
    • Rosa: “Do you know that bees can fly?”
    • Veronica: “they do little dances to tell you where honey is.”
    • The GM: “I bet I can get a bunch of bees to do Zumba with me.”

The arena — the bazaar

  1. 0:09:51 The Arbiter tears open another portal. Hot air and sand waft through. “I thought we’d take a trip to the bazaar.”
  2. 0:10:08 — The GM’s new land. It is “a small little piece of land that I’ve managed to acquire. It does need some renovations,” which is why she brought the champions: “to help with a little bit of takedown.”
    • It is dry, under blistering heat, with sand everywhere. “That’s why Anakin never comes to visit me.”
    • Everything is theirs to use: they may break down walls, hop on roofs, and jump on the canvas tents.
    • There are two covered carts and a series of buildings. The roofs are about 15 ft up, and some platforms are higher.
    • She nearly says “I have the high ground, Anakin.”
  3. 0:11:21 — The suns. There are several suns in the sky, moving quickly across it, so daylight “may be quickly disappearing.”
  4. 0:11:32 Her wings open and kick up a gust of dust. “I should have warned you.” Rosa: “Cover the eye that doesn’t have the eye patch.”
  5. 0:12:05 — The Acolytes. She soars up to the spectral ring of Acolytes: “tonight they will shed blood, they will sweat, they will melt under this heat.”
  6. 0:12:05 — Her abode. She settles on the side under a canvas overhang, with a chilled glass of water and Doug the Pug waiting for the battle.
  7. 0:12:58 — Placement and initiative.
    • Veronica starts top-left and Rosa bottom-right, out of sight behind the market stands.
    • Initiative: Rosa 22, Veronica 21. Veronica: “I didn’t come here to fuck around, man.”

Chaos before Round 1 — Doug picks “it” (0:14:35)

  1. The Acolytes “want chaos. Already.”
  2. 0:14:51 — Doug chooses. The GM lifts Doug the Pug over the railing. Both champions roll persuasion to win Doug over: Veronica 20, Rosa 14.
    • Doug hops down and sinks fast, “almost like he’s got a few holes in him.”
    • He lands on all four paws, runs to Veronica and licks her all over.
  3. 0:15:38 — Tag. Veronica is “it.” The GM admits: “I cheated… I just chose the one I wanted… I wanted a game of tag.” The Arbiter: “But everything we do here is so fair.”
  4. 0:16:02 — The rules. At the end of three rounds, whoever is it takes “a little explosion, not enough to kill you.” You pass it by touching your opponent.
    • Veronica: “this is like Suicide Squad hot potato.”
    • Any living creature can be tagged.
    • Rosa suggests the explosion should be “confetti… out of every orifice.”

Round 1

  1. 0:17:15 — Rosa the bee. Rosa disguises herself as a giant bee: “the cutest little bee costume,” with a little stinger and shimmery wings.
    • She walks down the stairs as if “coming downstairs from a bee breakfast with my bee family.”
    • Her performance roll is very good, so Veronica has disadvantage to perceive her. GM: “Rosa came to party.”
  2. 0:18:59 — The bee dance. She starts “bee mating ritual dance moves.” They are the Zumba steps (“One, one, two”), plus shaking her abdomen: “It’s the gyrations.”
  3. 0:19:57 — The Box of Chaos. The Acolytes summon it already. It grants magic items in return for a sacrifice.
    • Veronica: “And I sacrificed my opponent.” Rosa: “You should try to persuade me to get in the box.”
    • It spawns about 80 ft away, with yellow and pink flames shooting up in a pillar.
  4. 0:21:21 — Veronica’s first turn. “Upon learning that she is it and has been betrayed by Doug the Pug,” she scoops dirt from the ground and casts Longstrider.
    • The GM pictures “the mom walkers at the mall in the morning.” Veronica: “I will begin power walking.”
    • She asks where the Grandmaster and Arbiter are: about 40 ft up in the Acolyte stands, “probably reachable with some things.”
  5. 0:23:42 — The tarp. She parkours toward the box and tries to leap from a wagon across a canvas tarp, but fails the acrobatics check.
    • “Classic bazaar scene”: she rips through the tarp and falls through, unhurt. “Just Aladdin a little bit.”
    • Having spent her action on the spell, she can’t dash, so she ends up sitting on her ass.
    • GM: “She’s beauty. She’s grace.” Veronica: “She falls right onto her face.”
  6. 0:24:54 — Doug and the Arbiter. The Arbiter rolls a 20 at the end of the round (“Suck it, Doug”).
    • Doug huffs, turns around and farts in his general direction.
    • The Arbiter: “Don’t trust Doug. Don’t feel sorry for him. He’s a jerk.” The GM: Doug “obviously wins every time.”
    • Doug rolls “halfway there,” backhanded with his paw: “His heart wasn’t in it.” The GM: “You should quit picking on him, Arbiter.” Arbiter: “He started it.”

Round 2

  1. 0:27:28 — Rosa’s nat 20. Rosa, still dancing, rolls a natural 20 on perception: “you see the entire history of the universe… You know all and you’ve seen all.” She also sees Veronica fall through the tarp “and pretend like it didn’t happen.”
  2. 0:28:16 — The box pitch. Rosa shouts “Hey!” and starts working Veronica toward the box: “if you get in this box, you get a lot of presents.” Veronica: “Why aren’t you taking the box?” Rosa: “Because I’m a giver.”
    • Persuasion and insight tie at 16. In the roll-off, Veronica’s roll “rolled yours to a lower number.”
    • Veronica: “So am I supposed to have learned that from the dance?” Rosa: “Well, yes, I am a bee.”
  3. 0:30:41 — The butt stinger. Rosa backs off. She takes the poison she keeps “in my special place,” coats a dagger with it, and sticks the dagger to the back of the bee costume as a stinger.
    • GM: “How did we not see this coming?” Arbiter: “I’m a believer now.”
  4. 0:31:31 — Veronica’s friendly approach. Veronica walks up unarmed, dancing too (“Am I doing this right?”). She suggests Rosa try the box herself, and pats the bee costume’s shoulder like an “old pal.”
    • Her stealth is 13. Rosa’s insight is another nat 20: “She sees the vileness behind your actions.” Arbiter: “She sees God in me.”
    • A line follows: “I’m gonna swing my ass around and I’m gonna swing my dagger in your direction.” It’s labeled as Bec, but is probably Rosa (speaker uncertain).
  5. 0:33:33 — Tagging Rosa. Veronica drops the pretense. “Touch to touch… tip to tip… Just the tip.”
    • Static from the fuzzy bee costume had caught on her fingers when she patted it. She casts Shocking Grasp and rolls a natural 20.
    • Little blue sparks pass the “it” to Rosa, with a little whisper: “it.” Rosa: “Ow!” Veronica: “it’s not about the damage, it’s about… the little love tap.”
  6. 0:36:33 — Bladesong. “Here, I’ll sing you a song. Don’t worry.” She uses her Bladesong to serenade Rosa “for totally, totally above board reasons.”
    • She wears no armor: “I’m just all, all clothes, baby.”
    • She says the desert “is exactly where I envisioned she would be.” The GM: her blue hair is “a small oasis in this desert.” Veronica: “She’s the only thing blue for miles.”
  7. 0:37:57 — Camel poop. A hot wind blows in. Veronica smells something disgusting; Rosa identifies it as camel shit somewhere in the city. Rosa: “Do you smell that hot camel poop?… Do you think we can give that to the box?” The Arbiter’s end-of-round roll is a 10.

Round 3 — into the Box

  1. 0:39:18 — The lasso. Rosa pulls out a rope (“a rope of roping”) to lasso Veronica and drag her to the box. She makes a sleight of hand check, throws the rope over her, and treats it like “the fishing dance”: “I’ve been hooked.”
    • Veronica plays along until they near the box.
  2. 0:41:20 — Into the box. Rosa tries to shove her in. Veronica’s strength “is not good,” and Rosa wins the strength-off with a 19.
    • Rosa: “You are being shoved in a box by somebody in a bee costume in the middle of the desert.” GM: “Quick correction, make it sound very weird.”
  3. 0:42:57 — Inside the Box of Chaos.
    • The flames writhe around her but aren’t hot. The lid slams and the box shakes.
    • Inside is “a huge chasm of just pink and yellow flames” that seems to go on for an eternity.
    • Because she didn’t jump in willingly, a whisper comes from the depths: “would you like to make a bargain?”
  4. 0:43:39 — The bargain.
    • Veronica: “What are you offering, stranger?” Box: “Well, do you have any use for your soul?… What else you got?”
    • She offers rations, a hammer, and “a pretty sexy whip and I know how to use it.” The whip has memories attached and she “would be actually really sad” to lose it. GM: “Don’t put it on the table if you’re not willing to part with it.”
    • Box: “I’m a little peckish, what kind of rations do you have?” She has jerky, dried fruit and nuts. Box: “Give me a handful of nuts.”
    • A fiery hand reaches out and takes the nuts.
  5. 0:45:18 — She seduces the Box of Chaos. “I would love to seduce the Box of Chaos.” The Arbiter: “You already gave it your nuts. You might as well seduce it.” The box doesn’t pull away.
    • Box: “It’s been a long time since anybody’s touched me like that.” Veronica: “I know a lot more than that, baby.”
    • The box’s interest gives her +2.
    • Veronica: “These must be some really complicated nuts.”
  6. 0:46:51 — The Ring of Evasion. A second fiery hand offers a Ring of Evasion with three charges.
    • GM: “He liked it, so he put a ring on it.” Bec credits the joke to Tigertron in chat.
    • Veronica: “Guys, can we wrap this up? I got a hot date later.”
    • The box spits her out, and she faintly hears “call me.” She finger-guns as she puts the ring on.
  7. 0:48:07 — Rosa’s prize. Rosa sacrificed her opponent, which is “a first and rather grand,” so she rolls with advantage.
    • She gets an Ioun Stone of Absorption: a pale lavender stone that lifts and orbits her head and can cancel spells cast at her.
    • Drew cuts it to two uses. The GM: once spent, it can be thrown, or worn as a necklace or headpiece.
    • Veronica: “We can have matching rings.” The GM offers a jewelry-making session at the tables.
  8. 0:51:44 Rosa: “How was it?” Veronica: “You tied these knots all wrong.” Rosa: “I got you in there, didn’t I?”
  9. 0:52:16 — Tag goes to the box. The GM rules that shoving Veronica in passed “it” to her.
    • Veronica: “I did touch the hand of a demon, which is a living creature.” The Arbiter: “Oh, shit.”
    • Rosa: “Oh my God, the demon’s it forever.” GM: “What was supposed to be a seduce was more of a sleight of hand.”
    • Veronica: “He’s obviously more powerful than I am. He can take it.” Rosa: “Maybe he’ll just think it’s his love for you.”
  10. 0:53:37 — The moonwalk. Veronica disengages and moonwalks away: “This is a fun time. I’m gonna go over here now.” Her player compares it to “Nick from New Girl… no rhythm.”
  11. 0:54:36 — The box explodes.
    • Doug hops onto his perch and barks three times.
    • A small explosion goes off inside the box. “Some very special items in there… more flammable” make it smoke, whir and shake.
    • Then a larger explosion flips the lid open. The flames are no longer pink and yellow but bright red and purple, “painful to the touch.” Everyone within 10 ft takes a little fire damage. Someone yells “Ow!” (speaker uncertain).
  12. 0:56:17 — Two items. Two items fall out. Rosa is closest, calls tails and is right. She chooses between a Blood Fury Tattoo and the Deck of Many Things, and takes the Deck.
    • Everyone mock-gasps: “Be still, my poor D20 Deathmatch heart.”
  13. 0:57:59 — Gerald. The pink and yellow fire erupts again and travels to Veronica.
    • It wraps her arm in the shape of a hand and slowly forms a tattoo that says “Gerald” (the Blood Fury Tattoo, three charges).
    • A small whisper: “I’ll be with you always now.”
    • Veronica: “Oh my god! Gerald!… I was so hoping that it was going to be his name.” Arbiter: “It’s a classic.”
  14. 0:59:20 The Arbiter rolls a 6, “always disappointing” to the GM. The Acolytes have summoned another chaos event. Break (cut from the mp3).

After the break — two chaos events

  1. 1:00:25 Just before the break, Blissful Dwarf shouted down demanding chaos. There will be two rounds of chaos.
  2. 1:00:32 — Hero points. The champions’ hero point meters are filled by the Acolytes, “chanting your name”: “that Red Bull shot that you need.”
  3. 1:02:01 — “Cool ride, bro.” “Gerald, shh, now’s not the time. Gerald, shut up.” (GM, joking.)
    • Two steeds appear beneath the champions. They are arena horses that can polymorph into anything, real or not.
    • Rosa’s steed becomes a bee, “a giant bee… fuzzy little stinger.” The Arbiter has no bee token.
    • Veronica’s “steed” is Gerald. With her speed she doesn’t need a mount, so they run hand in hand. She asks Gerald to cradle her. “Fiery hands reach out” and carry her. “Soul Valiant Steed.”
  4. 1:04:45 — The hamster ball.
    • The ground shakes, pebbles bounce, and the wide double doors of a building burst open.
    • A massive teal hamster ball rolls out with a tiny fuzzy hamster inside. “The hamster has gotten loose.”
    • Rosa passes her Dex save easily. Veronica jumps into Gerald’s arms (“Gerald!”), and Gerald’s quick reflexes clear them both.
  5. 1:06:29 — Henry. Where does the hamster go? He’s rolling around the market, “living his best life… making his way downtown.” The GM names him Henry.
    • Rosa: “Can I get Henry’s name tattooed on my arm?” Arbiter: “Everything’s getting a name tonight, apparently.”
    • Rosa proposes a double date: “You and Gerald and me.” Veronica: “We’ll have the date in the hamster ball.”
    • Later (1:10:43) the GM jokes that Henry has bulked up “only in the cheeks,” and Veronica imagines “Machine gun Henry” spitting seeds and nuts.

Round 4

  1. 1:08:05 — The bee cannon. Rosa, mounted on her bee, summons a ball of bees in her hands and slingshots it at Veronica: Drew rules it her sling cannon, “a bee cannon.” It’s a glancing hit. GM: “This is what I like, pain.”
  2. 1:10:13 — The Talons card. Rosa draws from the Deck of Many Things and pulls the Talons: every magic item she carries disintegrates.
    • Her Ioun stone disintegrates, and the Deck itself, an artifact, vanishes.
    • Rosa: “But I’m not a giant bee, so it’s okay.” The bee illusion falters for a moment and she realizes it’s a horse, then she goes back to believing.
    • GM: “Of all the cards for you to pull, that is the worst backfire.” Veronica: “some of them are like instant death.”
    • Rosa: “Rosa’s an optimist. So, I’m looking at the deck half full.” Arbiter: “the deck is gone.” “Well, it’s half full somewhere.” “Mostly fool somewhere else.”
    • Veronica imagines Gerald “back in the box” pulling the deck.
  3. 1:13:52 Veronica feels bad: “I got a tattoo, a new lover, a cool ring.” Rosa: “I have a bee costume and a big bee.” “One person’s trash… is another person’s bees.”
  4. 1:14:50 — Is Veronica allergic? A Con save of 11: she gets a little swelling and itching, but isn’t anaphylactic.
    • She pulls the stingers so they stay in. Arbiter: “Gross.” Her player: “That was Fun Facts with Faye.”
  5. 1:16:17 — The bee suit. Veronica casts Mage Armor. It takes the form of a translucent light-blue beekeeper suit, “the most dainty B-suit you’ve ever seen,” with “beautiful elven woven” netting the bees bump into.
    • GM: “When you move, you look like the river.” Arbiter: “This bee suit was once worn by Gladriel [Galadriel].”
    • Rosa feels underdressed in her fluffy bee costume. Veronica: “I wish my costume were as good as your bee costume.”
    • Rosa is no longer dancing: “right now I’m in concentration mode.”
  6. 1:18:02 Veronica and Gerald back away in a slow-motion Baywatch run, ten feet.
  7. 1:18:20 The Arbiter rolls 13. GM: “Yet again, you disappoint me, but you’re at 69.” Arbiter: “I expect it. This is my life.”
    • Veronica holds Gerald’s face: “You can never disappoint me, Gerald.”
    • GM: “I like to do more of the psychological damage.” Rosa: “We’re going to bee-dance it out.”

Round 5

  1. 1:20:44 — The match bee. Rosa throws an oil flask down by Veronica: “I’m so happy for your new found love.”
    • She lights a match with her tinderbox and gives it to one of her bees, which flies it over and drops it “with its little claws.”
    • It lands and the oil explodes. Veronica jumps clear of most of it.
  2. 1:23:10 — Gerald’s dive. Gerald does a slow-motion dive to take the fire for her. Mid-dive he stops and “realizes that he’s made of fire”: “never mind.”
    • Veronica: “You look good, babe. Hot, even.”
  3. 1:24:24 Rosa flies her bee closer. Someone makes the “Bzzz” sound effect (speaker uncertain; the “Juilliard” reply is Drew). The GM: “You’re a natural bee.” Arbiter: “That’s why I went to Juilliard.”
  4. 1:25:12 — “Time we finish this.” Veronica: “You know, darling, it’s been a lot of fun dancing around each other. But I think it’s time we finish this.”
    • She pats Gerald (“thanks, babe”) and walks through the embers.
    • She plucks a strand of her hair like a string; it coalesces into a Ray of Frost, which she hurls at Rosa as she draws her rapier.
    • Then she follows with a rapier strike (glancing). Blood spurts.
  5. 1:27:26 Rosa can’t do magic and is amazed even though it hurts.
    • Rosa: “Ow! God, that’s so cool! How do you do that?” Veronica: “Lots of training, darling… I don’t like to get my hands dirty.”
    • Rosa has no wet naps and offers a handkerchief. Arbiter: “It’s like getting beat up by David Copperfield.” GM: “David Copperfield is the greatest magician of our time.”
  6. 1:29:09 — The Arbiter’s sandstorm. The Arbiter rolls 11, which triggers the Arbiter’s chaos event. He “kind of half-ass waves his hand.”
    • All the sand in the desert shoots into the sky as a giant sandstorm that blots out the sun.
    • Rosa’s bee is swept away on the wind.
    • Attacks are made at disadvantage, and failed Con saves bring exhaustion.
    • The Box of Chaos rolls away like a tumbleweed. GM: “You have the tattoo. He’ll always be with you.” “It’s always a smart idea when you meet someone to get their name tattooed on you.” Veronica: “First date.”
  7. 1:30:56 The disoriented champions reroll initiative: Rosa 12, Veronica 11. The GM reminds them that hero points are still on the table.

Round 6 — the heels

  1. 1:32:07 — Through the legs. Rosa: “I’m not gonna lie, you scare the shit out of me. But I think you’re really cool. And I’m really sorry for what I’m about to do.”
    • She runs between Veronica’s legs and slices at both heels with two daggers.
    • Veronica: “Jesus! You know, I actually had a proposition for you. Ouch!”
    • One dagger hits: the poisoned one, “the one off my butt.” Veronica: “She got you with her butt dagger.” GM: “you should have been watching one from her behind.”
    • Veronica rolls a natural 1 on the Con save, so the poison damage is doubled and she is poisoned. Arbiter: “Turns out you’re allergic to poison, but not bees.”
  2. 1:36:02 — A heel for a heel. Rosa runs past the stairs. Her fluorescent bee costume “kind of glows” and isn’t stealthy.
    • Veronica’s opportunity attack slashes from shoulder down to heel. GM: “A heel for a heel.” Rosa: “That fucking hurt, dog.”
    • Rosa passes her exhaustion save (“You are not exhausted… yet”). The stairwell shelters her from the sand.
  3. 1:38:48 — The proposition. Veronica chases her into the storm and proposes they band together and plead with the crowd for “a circle of non-sandiness to finish this fight in. Because this sucks.”
    • Rosa: “I can’t clear the weather… I can just, I think, stab you.”
    • Then Rosa: “What if we tried to overthrow?” Veronica: “I thought about doing that at the start of this.”
  4. 1:40:15 — Steve. Rosa calls her lost bee and passes an animal handling check (14). The bee comes back. “This is Steve, the bee, we could fly up there.”
    • GM: “As a small point of reminder, it is a horse that looks like a bee.” Veronica and the Arbiter: “Let them have their fun.”
  5. 1:41:08 — The climb. The tallest buildings reach 30 ft, and the GM and Arbiter sit about 40 ft up. The Arbiter moves their icons right above the fight. “I’m having nachos.”
    • Veronica compliments the Arbiter’s colors, then: “How good are you at climbing?”
    • They help each other climb. Rosa makes it. Veronica slips, Rosa grabs her hand and pulls her up: “Don’t do my little halfling ass!”
    • They’re now on the roof, about 10 ft below the GM and Arbiter.
  6. 1:44:07 — The whip. “I’m so glad I didn’t give my whip away.” It has 10 ft reach.
    • Veronica: “I’mma be real here. Which one of you looks like a weak bitch?” Her perception check says both look strong, “clearly… seasoned warriors.”
    • She attacks the Arbiter anyway. She later explains: “who do I have more respect for? The Grandmaster.”
  7. 1:45:41 — Pulling down the Arbiter. Veronica spends her hero point. A nat 20: the whip wraps around the Arbiter’s ankle and pulls him off the ledge to face them. GM: “He does have wings, as a heads up.” Arbiter: “I mean, I’m busy eating nachos.”
  8. 1:47:28 — “I invented Gerald.” Veronica Action Surges. She slashes with her sword in her other hand, and the Gerald tattoo licks up her arm and across her blade toward the Arbiter’s chest.
    • The Arbiter catches the blade with his bare hand: “You think Gerald is strong enough to beat me? I invented Gerald.”
    • Rosa: “That one stings more than any of those bees.” Veronica: “A million bees cannot take away this pain.”
  9. 1:49:22 — The second strike. Her second attack hits: “How dare you insult Gerald?” She cuts across the Arbiter’s face, and the tattoo’s necrotic energy goes in and heals her. GM: “He calmly responds, yes, necrotic.”
    • She uses Second Wind: “This ain’t nothing, bitch. You can’t come between me and my man. You don’t get to talk about him like that.”
    • Rosa looks at all her blood: “Yeah. I got this.”

The Arbiter’s turn

  1. 1:51:58 — Kill or not. The Arbiter now has initiative (21) and goes first next round.
    • Arbiter: “Grandmaster, do you really want me to step in here? I mean, I could just kill [them].”
    • GM: “I do not want you to kill them. They have been immensely entertaining… But besides killing them, I will leave it up to you.… Be imaginative.”
    • GM: “He hasn’t had to look at his character sheet in a long time.”
    • She asks whether anyone has attacked the two of them before. Arbiter: “There’s been one attempt… We’re still here.”
  2. 1:53:29 — The zombie bees. “I’m not going to fight you, but I have some friends that might like to.”
    • He throws up a handful of sand, and it becomes a swarm of bees. Rosa: “Goddammit. That’s my thing!” Arbiter: “If it’s not broke, don’t fix it.”
    • GM: these came from the sand, not the air, so they “weren’t alive before. These are zombie bees,” dealing necrotic damage as a single 10-foot swarm.
    • He misty steps back up: “Maybe if you kill my bees, you’ll be worthy of fighting me.”
  3. 1:55:12 — Disintegration. Arbiter: “I could have just disintegrated them or cast some meteor storms.”
    • GM: “Let them have their time… disintegrating ruins the fight, the drive, the blood, the passion… bees are fun, everyone loves them, you bring them to a party and everyone screams.”
    • Arbiter: “You and I have differing opinions on disintegration, but you know what? It’s your arena.”

The job interview

  1. 1:56:14 — Rosa and the zombie bees. Rosa jumps on the ledge in her bee suit, arms out: “Come to my side. Let us fight together, bees.” She wiggles and shakes to recruit “my necrotic bee army.”
    • She rolls persuasion with advantage (“proficient in bees,” “borderline expertise in bees”): 13, plus “I’m bloody, so I’m intimidating.”
    • The zombie bees like her and won’t attack her unless she attacks them, but they won’t join her side.
  2. 1:58:16 — The bee boost. Rosa climbs Veronica and leaps off her head onto the GM’s platform (“Give me a bee boost!”). With Veronica helping, she rolls a 19.
    • She stands at the feet of the Arbiter and the GM: “Now mind you, I’m like two and a half feet tall. I am much taller.”
  3. 1:59:51 — The application. GM: “Rosa, what are you doing up here?”
    • Rosa: “I would like to become your Arbiter.” Arbiter: “Positions fill[ed].”
    • Rosa: “Well, in that case, bees, attack!” She rolls a natural 1 on persuasion.
    • GM: “You are not getting that job. Your interview has failed. Also, who just shows up and asks for a job? There’s an application process. I put it online… It’s 2022.”
  4. 2:01:14 — A different role. The two “have put on an amazing show,” so if both agree, the GM “might have a different role for the two of you.”
    • Veronica: “I think I would have to ask Gerald.”
    • Rosa reaches down her little arm and helps Veronica up.
  5. 2:02:47 — The bee farm. The GM praises them as “great takers of bees.” Veronica is still in her beehive suit (“that lasts for eight hours, baby”) and Rosa in her bee costume. Rosa: “That’s our couple’s Halloween costume.”
    • GM: “Here in the Dread Fortress, we look for personality. We look for fit. I’ve been wanting to expand my nature philanthropic efforts. Perhaps the two of you can start my bee farm.”
    • Veronica: “I have nothing else going on… Also, Gerald’s here.”
    • The job title: “Bee farmer.” Arbiter: “Beekeeper… You plant the bees in the soil and in the spring you harvest them out.” Veronica: “apiarist.” GM: “Bee farmer is much better… when you pick up the zombies, it’s more like farming them.”
    • Rosa: “I would love to be your bee farmer.” Veronica: “Why not?”
  6. 2:04:53 — The terms. The GM asks the Arbiter’s opinion, though she has the final say.
    • Arbiter: “We do need honey. I mean, the last beekeeper, not so great with bees. They’re deathly allergic.” GM: “That’s why we had the zombies instead of regular bees.”
    • Arbiter: “Save the bees!… But we’re only paying minimum wage.”
    • Room and board is included: “You will be down the hall from the goblins, but they’re actually rather tidy. They get a bad rep.”
    • Medical care: “We actually have an on-site physician.”
  7. 2:05:32 Veronica pats Rosa’s head, and Rosa pats the back of Veronica’s calf, which is all she can reach. Veronica is at “13 HP and a dream.” GM: “I didn’t even get to post it on Indeed yet.”

The Arbiter takes Gerald

  1. 2:06:13 — The Arbiter’s revenge. The Arbiter to Veronica: “I’m kind of just trying to decide if I should let it go that you decided that you wanted to attack me.”
    • Veronica: “It’s all fun and games, right?” Arbiter: “It’s just a couple of pals having good times, right?” Veronica: “maybe sometime we can duke it out for fun again later.” Arbiter: “I think that’d be great. And I need you to make me a wisdom saving throw.”
    • It’s a charm effect, so as a half-elf she rolls with advantage: 19 and 17. She fails.
  2. 2:07:19 — The memories fade.
    • His eyes glow with a faint silver shimmer. She sees visions of herself and Gerald running on the sands in slow motion, the touch of hands, “all the good times with Gerald over the last, you know, hour or so.”
    • The memories and Gerald’s tattooed name fade away. She forgets all about Gerald, but “the Arbiter leaves you just enough to know that he took something from you.”
    • He erased the tattoo.
    • “I’ll see you around the bee farm,” and he shoots off into the sky on his wings.
    • Rosa: “Wait, did you just leave?… With no see you on the bee farm?” Veronica: “Mic drop!”
  3. 2:08:38 — The GM’s verdict. “Don’t mind him. He’s a bit of a sore loser when he doesn’t get to fight back.”
    • Later, after Veronica’s player riffs that Gerald comes home and she throws a shoe at a stranger (“Get out of my house!”), the GM adds: “it’s just because the Arbiter was jealous.” (In-character status uncertain.)
  4. 2:08:38 — The Acolytes. She lifts both up to the Acolytes. They have made little bee posters: “Bees! For the bees! Save the bees!”
    • “The fact that you threw one another into the chaos box, found love, and… then you promptly had it ripped away.”
  5. 2:09:58 — The closing. “Our champions turned bee farmers have given you victory above all… creativity and hopefully inspiration… Keep in mind their boldness, their passion, and their commitment to who they are.”
    • “I give you! And bees! I give you your champions!” Sign-off: “Thank you! And good night! And welcome to D20 Deathmatch!”

Dried Blood (after-show)

In character (canon, Dried Blood):

  • 2:19:28 Veronica’s parting words: “most may think that she is just going to sort of resign herself to a life of beekeeping… the Arbiter’s got some shit coming to him. This is my villain origin story.… See you on the bee farm.” The GM imagines “New Girl hijinks, pranks back and forth.”
  • 2:20:12 Rosa’s parting words: “Save the bees.”

Out of character (creator notes):

  • Both players are “very sweaty.” The music during the show included “Sandstorm.”
  • Veronica’s planned arc: convince her opponent she was on their side, attack “the other people” together, then kill the opponent once their health was low. She almost did it when both were brought up top; Rosa was at 13 HP. She didn’t because “that’s sad,” and Rosa was “in her happy little bee costume.”
  • Rosa’s player forgot halfling Lucky (rerolling nat 1s). Bec: not playing optimized is fine; “it always adds to the story.” The player has ADHD and finds tracking features hard.
  • Drew had to work out “bee damage” on the fly. Insect Swarm would have been easier. Rosa is a rogue; the player “did some rogue stuff once.”
  • Bec and Drew had hoped Rosa would pick Gerald too, for “two Geralds on the field.”
  • Drew on the ending: the Arbiter can’t kill them or the Grandmaster would be pissed, so he asked himself “what can I do to really get under their skin.” The charm DC was 21.
  • Drew on stats: the Arbiter and Grandmaster are “modified bosses,” based on level 20 with lair actions. “We’ve had the one shot go through where they’ve had to deal with the Arbiter.” The Arbiter “has some crazy stuff I didn’t use.”
  • Veronica keeps the Ring of Evasion (“who is this from?”). Rosa has nothing left but “the power of friendship… and bees.”
  • The Deck: Drew expected something crazy (fighting Death, unimaginable wealth); “I just lost it all.”
  • Player advice (Rosa’s player): “you can never play your character wrong.” Bec: race and class “should never limit how you want to create your character.”

Who and what appears

Characters

Rosa (guest; see player-credit question)

  • Appearance: a halfling, “two and a half feet tall,” with long pink hair, a sunny disposition, an eye patch she passes off as a battle wound, and very tight clothing. She has “only one good eye.”
  • Class: a rogue who can’t do magic.
  • Gear: daggers (one poisoned and worn as a stinger “off my butt”), a short sword, a rapier, a sling or “bee cannon,” a rope, an oil flask and a tinderbox.
  • Bees:
    • Wears a fluffy, fluorescent bee costume.
    • Summons bees, a swarm “in a ball,” and carries poison “in my special place.”
    • Rode a polymorph steed she believed was a bee, Steve.
    • The zombie bees like her.
  • Items: won the Ioun Stone of Absorption and the Deck of Many Things from the Box of Chaos, and lost both to the Talons card.
  • Personality: an optimist (“deck half full”).
  • Ambition: asked to become the Arbiter and was refused.
  • Outcome: hired as the Grandmaster’s bee farmer.

Veronica (guest; see player-credit question)

  • Appearance: a half-elf with pale skin, long light-blue hair, a forehead symbol tattoo, a crop top, a skirt and wrist wraps. She wears no armor.
  • Class: Bladesinger with fighter abilities (Action Surge, Second Wind, a weapon attack after a cantrip).
  • Gear: a rapier and sword, and a sentimental 10 ft whip.
  • Spells: Longstrider, Shocking Grasp, Mage Armor (shaped as a translucent blue elven beekeeper suit), Ray of Frost (plucked from her hair).
  • Items: has a Ring of Evasion from seducing the Box of Chaos.
  • Gerald: had a “Gerald” Blood Fury tattoo and fell in love with Gerald. The Arbiter erased both the tattoo and her memories of him.
  • In this episode:
    • Pulled the Arbiter off his ledge and cut his face.
    • Hired as a bee farmer.
    • Declares a “villain origin story” against the Arbiter (Dried Blood).

Gerald — the fiery being of the Box of Chaos’s flames.

  • What he does:
    • Took Veronica’s nuts, was seduced by her, gave her a ring (“call me”).
    • Became her tattoo: “I’ll be with you always now.”
    • Served as her steed and lover: carried her, ran hand in hand with her, dove to take fire for her.
  • The Arbiter’s claim: “I invented Gerald.”
  • Fate: erased from Veronica’s mind and arm.
  • (Bec calls the box’s flames “he.” The Box itself rolled away in the sandstorm.)

The Arbiter (Drew)

  • Tells a false bee fact.
  • Rolls poorly to the GM’s disappointment and feuds with Doug the Pug.
  • Unleashes the sandstorm.
  • Pulled from the stands by Veronica’s whip and cut. Caught her blade bare-handed.
  • Wanted to kill or disintegrate the champions; the GM forbade it.
  • Summoned zombie bees from sand, then misty-stepped away.
  • Refused Rosa’s bid for his job.
  • Took Veronica’s memories of Gerald by a charm with silver-shimmering eyes, then flew off. The GM calls him a sore loser and jealous.
  • Was eating nachos.
  • Has wings.

Grandmaster Elusia Skypiercer (Bec)

  • Has taken up Zumba. She “hasn’t picked up her bow in a long time.”
  • Declared Sunday Deathmatch Day.
  • Has acquired the bazaar land, which needs renovation.
  • Cheated with Doug to start a game of tag.
  • Forbade the Arbiter from killing the champions.
  • Started a bee farm under “nature philanthropic efforts” and hired Rosa and Veronica: minimum wage, room and board near the goblins, an on-site physician.

Doug the Pug — the GM’s pug.

  • Picked Veronica as “it.” Sinks when he lands, “like he’s got a few holes in him.”
  • Farted at the Arbiter, who calls him a jerk.
  • Barks three times to trigger the tag explosion.

Thomas and Leed — goblins who wheel out the GM’s throne. The goblins live down the hall from the new bee farmers and are “rather tidy.”

Henry — the tiny hamster in a giant teal hamster ball, still rolling around the bazaar.

Steve — Rosa’s name for her bee-shaped polymorph horse.

The zombie bees — a swarm the Arbiter made from sand, dealing necrotic damage.

The previous beekeeper — unnamed and “deathly allergic” to bees, per the Arbiter.

Anakin — named by the GM as never visiting her because of the sand (a Star Wars joke).

Blissful Dwarf, Tigertron — chat Acolytes. Blissful Dwarf demanded chaos; Tigertron was credited with a joke.

Places

Items

Lore statements

  • The Grandmaster declared Sunday Deathmatch Day by law.
  • The arena’s polymorph steeds can become anything.
  • The Arbiter and Grandmaster have been attacked in the arena once before, unsuccessfully.
  • The Arbiter can strip memories by charm. He claims to have “invented Gerald.”
  • The Dread Fortress has an on-site physician and goblin staff quarters.

Quotes by character

Rosa

  • 0:04:22 “I’m here for fighting. It’s fight time! I’m gonna punch stuff…”
  • 0:06:40 “Bees.”
  • 0:11:57 “Cover the eye that doesn’t have the eye patch.”
  • 0:28:38 “If you get in this box, you get a lot of presents… Because I’m a giver.”
  • 0:38:39 “Do you smell that hot camel poop?… Do you think we can give that to the box?”
  • 0:52:42 “Oh my God, the demon’s it forever.”
  • 1:07:08 “Can I get Henry’s name tattooed on my arm?”
  • 1:12:57 “Rosa’s an optimist. So, I’m looking at the deck half full.”
  • 1:20:44 “I’m so happy for your new found love.”
  • 1:32:07 “I’m not gonna lie, you scare the shit out of me. But I think you’re really cool. And I’m really sorry for what I’m about to do.”
  • 1:40:37 “This is Steve, the bee.”
  • 1:59:55 “I would like to become your Arbiter… Well, in that case, bees, attack!”
  • 2:04:19 “I would love to be your bee farmer.”
  • 2:20:12 (Dried Blood) “Save the bees.”

Veronica

  • 0:05:25 “I like to think that I’m someone who is competent and I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve.”
  • 0:24:48 “She falls right onto her face.”
  • 0:37:08 “I’m just all, all clothes, baby.”
  • 0:43:39 “What are you offering, stranger?”
  • 0:45:58 “I know a lot more than that, baby.”
  • 0:47:42 “Guys, can we wrap this up? I got a hot date later.”
  • 0:52:28 “I did touch the hand of a demon, which is a living creature, I would think.”
  • 1:18:56 “You can never disappoint me, Gerald.”
  • 1:23:44 “You look good, babe. Hot, even.”
  • 1:25:12 “You know, darling, it’s been a lot of fun dancing around each other. But I think it’s time we finish this.”
  • 1:28:45 “Lots of training, darling… I don’t like to get my hands dirty.”
  • 1:44:25 “I’mma be real here. Which one of you looks like a weak bitch?”
  • 1:49:34 “How dare you insult Gerald?”
  • 1:51:41 “This ain’t nothing, bitch. You can’t come between me and my man.”
  • 2:19:28 (Dried Blood) “The Arbiter’s got some shit coming to him. This is my villain origin story.”

Gerald / the Box of Chaos (voiced by Drew)

  • 0:43:39 “Would you like to make a bargain?… Well, do you have any use for your soul?”
  • 0:44:37 “I’m a little peckish, what kind of rations do you have?… Give me a handful of nuts.”
  • 0:45:51 “It’s been a long time since anybody’s touched me like that.”
  • 0:47:52 “Call me.”
  • 0:57:59 “I’ll be with you always now.”

The Arbiter

  • 0:03:12 “You’re the one who declared Sunday’s Deathmatch Day. Do we need to change the laws?”
  • 0:08:46 “Did you know that the stinger on the bee is actually the head and that’s why they die when they sting things?”
  • 0:25:17 “Don’t trust Doug. Don’t feel sorry for him. He’s a jerk.”
  • 1:17:19 “This bee suit was once worn by Gladriel.”
  • 1:41:47 “I’m having nachos.”
  • 1:48:27 “You think Gerald is strong enough to beat me? I invented Gerald.”
  • 1:52:17 “Grandmaster, do you really want me to step in here? I mean, I could just kill [them].”
  • 1:53:29 “I’m not going to fight you, but I have some friends that might like to.”
  • 1:54:56 “Maybe if you kill my bees, you’ll be worthy of fighting me.”
  • 1:55:54 “You and I have differing opinions on disintegration, but you know what? It’s your arena.”
  • 2:04:53 “We do need honey. I mean, the last beekeeper, not so great with bees. They’re deathly allergic… Save the bees!… But we’re only paying minimum wage.”
  • 2:06:13 “I’m kind of just trying to decide if I should let it go that you decided that you wanted to attack me.”
  • 2:07:19 “I’ll see you around the bee farm.”

Grandmaster Elusia Skypiercer

  • 0:00:40 “So I’m starting Zumba class… Would you like to hop in?”
  • 0:02:15 “I haven’t picked up my bow in a long time.”
  • 0:09:33 “I bet I can get a bunch of bees to do Zumba with me.”
  • 0:10:08 “Let me introduce you to a small little piece of land that I’ve managed to acquire… That’s why Anakin never comes to visit me.”
  • 0:15:51 “I cheated… I wanted what I wanted and I wanted a game of tag.”
  • 0:47:35 “He liked it, so he put a ring on it.”
  • 1:18:39 “Yet again, you disappoint me.”
  • 1:52:25 “I do not want you to kill them. They have been immensely entertaining.”
  • 1:55:25 “Disintegrating ruins the fight, the drive, the blood, the passion… bees are fun.”
  • 2:01:14 “You are not getting that job. Your interview has failed… There’s an application process. I put it online.”
  • 2:03:18 “Here in the Dread Fortress, we look for personality. We look for fit… Perhaps the two of you can start my bee farm.”
  • 2:05:18 “You will be down the hall from the goblins, but they’re actually rather tidy.”
  • 2:08:38 “Don’t mind him. He’s a bit of a sore loser when he doesn’t get to fight back.”
  • 2:09:58 “Our champions turned bee farmers have given you victory above all… I give you! And bees!”

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