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S2E13 — The Brave — Buli v Chancy

Properties1
tagsepisode, season-2

39 min read

Champions and playersBunnyDreadful as Buli (the Brave); MacNcheeseP1z as Chancy
ResultChancy (Buli falls dead in a Cloud of Daggers after rising twice; the Arbiter throws his body down the well)
Arenaruins of a seaside clifftop castle with a deep open well, haunted by the ghost of a jilted bride
HostsCaustic Phoenix (Grandmaster Elusia Skypiercer); Mudcat narrates and plays the Arbiter
WatchYouTube

What happens

Cold open — the “fog”

Opening — the Dread Fortress kitchen

  1. 0:00:49 In the Dread Fortress, the Arbiter looks for the Grandmaster, who is once again absent from the throne room. A warm, gooey, sugary smell “seduces” him down the hall. He is “easily seduced by good smelling foods.” The Arbiter: “I don’t even bother with perfume. I just spray like bacon or cookies on me.”
  2. 0:01:13 He finds her in the kitchen, among ovens and pots, hovering over her latest batch of chocolate chip cookies for the Acolytes tonight.
    • The spread also includes red velvet, sugar dough, confetti, and Easter sugar cookies with “a little chickadee in the middle.”
    • Some cookies are store-bought: “I didn’t have enough time to make all of them.”
    • She wears an apron that says “Grandmaster”, not “grandma.”
    • None are for the champions. “Even though I enticed them last time and then they decided to discard them.”
  3. 0:03:11 The Arbiter tries to swipe a cookie and fails (sleight of hand 9). She smacks his hand hard. “You aren’t one of them.” “Why do they get cookies and I don’t? I work here.” She tells him he can eat after work.
  4. 0:03:44 — Doug. The Arbiter asks whether Doug got a cookie. Dogs can’t have sugar or chocolate, but “he did get a raw egg earlier.” The Arbiter: “Fucking Doug.” She offers him a raw egg. “I don’t want an egg, but I do want to watch people fight to the death.”
  5. 0:04:07 She takes off her oven mitts and apron, dusts off, puts on her crown, and asks repeatedly whether she looks presentable. The Arbiter casts Prestidigitation to throw the flour off her.
  6. 0:04:43 The Arbiter slices a rift in space and time and introduces “Buli the Brave versus Chancy!”

The champions

  1. 0:05:08 — Buli the Brave. The Grandmaster calls him adorable.
    • He bristles: “Not adorable. I am fierce. I am brave. I am strong. And I am here to win.” His feathers rustle.
    • He claims he once destroyed an Aboleth with his bare hands. The Grandmaster: “I’m sorry, you destroyed a what?” He adds that he bathed in its blood.
    • The Grandmaster tries hard not to jiggle (laugh). The Arbiter likes the sound of it.
    • “Everybody knows who I am. I’m Chancy.” Buli: “I don’t know who you are.”
    • Chancy describes the role as “the musical wizard, magic bard, sorcerer… I have this magical instrument and we just kind of make stuff happen.”
    • The Grandmaster loves that the bard brought an instrument.
    • Chancy’s claims: “I fought 10,000 dragons. I’ve fought whatever that cute thing is over there. I definitely fought, you know, the Witch in the Hills, probably. And I pet Doug today.”
  2. 0:07:35 The Arbiter asks whether Chancy can play “Stairway to Heaven.” Chancy didn’t learn that one, then claims to know it but “it’s not ready yet.” The Arbiter hopes for a concert after the win, “maybe some Free Bird.” The Grandmaster: “Don’t pester her.”
  3. 0:08:07 — The bagpipes. “Buli has music, too… the most destructive metal deathly musical instrument in the world.” He pulls out a tiny set of bagpipes and blows into one with no idea how to play them. The Grandmaster: “It sounds like metal to me.” Buli promises “a concert of blood.”
  4. 0:08:36 Buli asks Chancy, “Are you a bird?” Chancy: “No, I am a fairy. How dare you insult me with a bird.” Buli: “What’s a fairy?”
  5. 0:09:05 The two have never crossed paths. Buli: “Usually so much death when Buli finished, there’s no one left to tell tale.” Chancy: “I’m starting to think you’re a liar.” The Grandmaster stands between them: “Bard, no music yet.”

The arena — the ruined castle by the sea

  1. 0:09:48 The Arbiter opens a portal; a spring breeze blows through, and they land on a cliff above the water.
  2. 0:10:14 The Grandmaster’s description:
    • “A place I’ll be honest, I don’t come to very often.”
    • A picturesque seaside with salty air, and a castle in ruins: pieces everywhere, broken staircases, and a deep well that echoes, uncovered.
    • A high point about 20 ft up. The ruins are mostly climbable but unstable.
  3. 0:11:11 — The legend. “This used to be a beautiful castle where a lovely maiden stayed… there was supposed to be a nice little wedding here, but it never happened.” She pulls sheets down over a few portraits: “You don’t need to know about any of that.”
  4. 0:11:49 She flies up to a clear arena of wooden stands in the sky, full of Acolytes. They chant the champions’ names (“adorable, I mean fierce”) and beg for songs.
  5. 0:12:33 — The Grandmaster’s speech: “Everything you do, you do it for the eyes that will tell your story… for the eyes here who will continue to echo and carry out your legacy.” She sits next to Doug high in the sky.
  6. 0:13:23 “Dungeons and dice and deathmatches.” Placement: Chancy starts on the side of the cliff. Buli starts inside the castle ruins. They can’t see each other.
  7. 0:14:02 The Acolytes award each champion one hero point.
  8. 0:14:56 — Gerald, the Box of Chaos.
    • The Acolytes summon it. A purple box with pink and yellow flames slams down from the sky, and a small shadowy figure works his way out the side with a small claw.
    • It lands at the bottom of a 10-ft drop below the cliff. It stays in one place and either champion can use it.
    • Using it means sacrificing something, as a free action.
  9. 0:16:39 Bec makes “a small little secret roll.”
  10. 0:16:46 — Initiative. Chancy goes first (18). Buli gets 14 even with advantage, and claims he is letting Chancy go first: “Buli is fair… so that when I destroy you, it will be that much sweeter!”
  11. 0:17:30 — The intimidation spat.
    • Chancy: “Come out, come out wherever you are… you’re probably just hiding from me because you’re too scared.”
    • Intimidation roll-off: Chancy 29, Buli 9 (“I’m just saving everything for later”). “Your words cut and slice across this field.”
    • Buli has disadvantage on attacks this round. “I will win even with all disadvantage. Use more, more, more!”

Round 1

  1. 0:18:55 Chancy moves forward looking for a line of sight. “Where are you little little cutie patootie?” Buli: “I am not cute. Take it back.”
  2. 0:19:28 — The ocarina. Chancy plays a tune to lure Buli out and rolls performance 28.
    • The Grandmaster and Arbiter are entranced; the Acolytes sway.
    • The Grandmaster wants Chancy booked for the Christmas party. The Arbiter suggests the summer festival, opening for Enrique Iglesias. The Grandmaster: “Heck, he could open for her.”
    • Chancy bows to the crowd, then casts Blade Ward.
  3. 0:20:59 Buli: “Don’t forget to fix your makeup and maybe roll your jacket because you’re about to get wrecked.”
  4. 0:21:26 — The height debate. Buli tries to climb the wall above him.
    • Both champions are about three feet tall. Buli: “I’m three feet and one inch.” Chancy: “three feet and one and a half inches.”
    • Buli: “It is not how tall you are. It’s what you do with it. My mom told me that.”
    • The Arbiter asks the Acolytes whether size and/or height matters.
  5. 0:22:35 First climb fails. “Do you have, like, hands?” “They’re called claws.” The wall crumbles, he gets three feet up, and slides back down leaving claw marks, landing on his butt. Chancy: “You’re making a lot of noise over there, are you okay?” “You just wait!”
  6. 0:23:29 The Acolytes rule that height doesn’t matter; “maybe girth matters more or strength.” Buli: “Very wide. Very girthy.” Reroll: 25. “It turns out size does not matter.” He claws to the top of a wall about 19 feet 6 (and five-eighths) inches, rounded to 20.
  7. 0:25:19 — The rock disguise. Instead of running on the crumbling wall, Buli ruffles his feathers, gets low, and holds a loose brick in front of his eyes for “the element of surprise.” “If I can’t see him, he can’t see me.” Stealth 5: Chancy can’t see Buli’s eyes, but could possibly see the rest of him.

Chaos event — dodgeball (0:26:27)

  1. The Grandmaster can’t find Buli, so Chancy rolls (“probably because I’m the best”): 16, a game of dodgeball.
  2. 0:27:13 The Acolytes pull random objects from their pockets and hurl them down. Buli, on his precarious perch, saves at disadvantage. “It’s the feathers. They blend right in.” The objects include:
    • dice, hot dogs, a sword, spaghetti, cheese, pasta;
    • fish heads, green Jell-O, dancing, Elmo;
    • bees (Chancy: “I thought you guys liked my music! Stop!”);
    • donuts and a dumpster fire, Santa Claus, crickets;
    • “even a little Squirtle. Oh, that’s sad. We like Squirtles.”
  3. 0:29:00 Both fail.
    • A raccoon lands on Chancy’s head, scratching and clawing. Chancy: “This is not how you treat a diplomat.”
    • “Is that Grim[ace] from McDonald’s? He just lands on you, Buli.”
    • The Arbiter adds: “Somebody in the crowd even throws their own feces onto the field… As one does at a sporting event.”
    • Both take full damage. Chancy’s Blade Ward halves it: “The acolytes are definitely intending these as weapons.”
  4. 0:30:23 The Arbiter’s end-of-round roll is a 17. The Grandmaster: “It’s respectable for once.” She calls it round two, is corrected, and says “I can’t count.”

Round 2

  1. 0:30:52 Chancy flies 30 ft up (“You knew I could fly, right?… You’ve heard tales of me all over this town”). Investigation 4: “Buli does apparently look like a rock.” Chancy: “I thought I would have summoned you with my glorious music.”
  2. 0:32:11 — Fire Bolt. Chancy fires toward the huffing and puffing. Chancy’s spells look like a slew of musical notes pouring out of the ocarina. It hits for 16 fire. “I knew I was good enough to find you.”
  3. 0:33:35 — The dragons.
    • The Grandmaster asks whether that’s how Chancy murdered all those dragons. Chancy: “A tale for another time… Hundreds… Thousands.” “10,000 dragons.”
    • The Grandmaster: “They’ve got to be an endangered species at this point.” Chancy: “I am known as the Dragon Slayer of across these lands.”
    • The Arbiter: “Should we call the Rangers?… The park services are going to want to hear about this.” Chancy: “Please do not do that.”
    • Buli: “Anyone can kill a dragon.” The Grandmaster: “Is a dwagon a different breed?”
  4. 0:35:08 — Buli’s leap. His feathers are singed and smell bad.
    • Four or five kinds of axes and other odds and ends are strapped to his back, but he still uses only his claws.
    • He drops to all fours and runs along the walls, spending his hero point for 10 extra feet and a long jump onto Chancy (Charger).
  5. 0:36:43 As he’s about to leap, Chancy uses Cutting Words: “Oh, how cute. You think they can run?” He teeters.
    • “You truly are like the cutest little owlet plushie flying through the air, big ol’ eyes, beak open.”
    • His bare feet stutter, and he hits the ground face first, tumble-rolls through the dust, and lands 10 ft short. The Arbiter: “That Buzz Lightyear feeling where you think you’re flying.”
    • Buli: “The world is not ready for a Buli that can fly.”
  6. 0:39:06 — The flaming pepper. From the dodgeball debris, Buli grabs a flaming hot pepper and flings it straight up (Tavern Brawler). “I hope you’re ready for something spicy!” It hits Chancy’s petticoat: “Gross.” It does bludgeoning damage plus fire; Blade Ward has expired.
  7. 0:40:13 — The superfan.
    • The Grandmaster asks whether a bard ever gets bad food thrown at them. “Absolutely not. I’m the best around.” The Grandmaster: “We’ve heard of Chancy the Bard before who slain 10,000 dragons.”
    • The Arbiter rips open his chest and magically produces a Chancy concert tee: “I’ve been to all their concerts… Carved on my bones is Chancy’s name.”
    • Buli is so mad he fluffs up more than seemed possible, and his little owl head spins around.
  8. 0:41:47 Buli to the crowd: “It looks like Chancy can’t handle the heat!”

End of round 2 — the dark (0:42:19)

  1. The Arbiter rolls a 19 (“on a hot streak, it’s the Chancy tee”).
  2. 0:42:38 The sky turns very dark at high noon, and an unnatural chill gives everyone goosebumps. Evening “magically appears.” A small, soft voice echoes: “Remember dear champions, be careful. You see, these forgotten ruins, well, they’re not abandoned. Someone may still live here.” Buli: “I don’t see any signs that say no trespassing.”

Round 3

  1. 0:44:11 Chancy, 30 ft up and upset about the pepper: “Don’t you know the queen herself gave me this petticoat.” Chancy casts Vicious Mockery: “you cute little thing, you so fluffy.” Buli rolls a nat 20 and takes nothing.
    • Buli: “Your words don’t work on me.” Chancy: “I don’t even know who queen is.”
    • The Grandmaster rules “Buli is all brains.” Buli: “There’s like 400.” “Buli the brain. My brains are really wide.”
  2. 0:46:04 Chancy is mortified: “I’ve never had something not hit before.” Chancy hovers, “wallowing in my own little guilt.”
  3. 0:47:04 — Tear ducts. Buli: “Owlbears make the best warriors. We never cry. We don’t even have tear ducts.” Chancy: “It’s totally normal to cry. Everybody cries sometimes.”
    • Buli: “Maybe if you stop flying around like a little crybaby… Come down and fight like a maaaaan,” an endless high-pitched scream.
    • The Grandmaster has him roll to see if the scream hurts: 12, “not pleasant to listen to,” no effect. Chancy: “I’m a failure.”
  4. 0:48:29 — Down to the box. Buli runs 35 ft and climbs face-first down the 10-ft cliff (athletics 23, “like you were meant to climb”). “I’m Buli the Brave.” His other names: “Buli the Brains… Buli the Fierce, Buli the Strong, Buli the Murderer, Buli the Destroyer.”
  5. 0:49:43 Buli to the Arbiter: “Are you also old? Why is everyone so old here?” The Arbiter: “I’m aged like a fine wine.”
  6. 0:50:23 “Hey, Chancy. Look at this. I’m about to get something awesome to murder you with!”

The lute (“loot”)

  1. 0:50:33 Sorting through his sacrifices, Buli considers his bagpipes and his axe, then pulls out a very small lute, “as if it was made for Buli or a fairy.” “I don’t know what it does though… you use it to bash things with.”
    • Chancy: “No, that’s mine. You better not do that… I know you took it… You stole it.”
    • Buli: “It was in the rack of weapons that they said anybody could have.”
  2. 0:51:23 Buli decides to keep it as leverage: “Now you better come to me.” Chancy respectfully rolls up the sleeves of the petticoat: “There’s a scrunch and then there’s a roll where you then button it.” The Grandmaster: “This loot now is worth more now that somebody else wants it.”
  3. 0:52:03 — The sacrifice. Buli needs his weapons, so he takes off all his clothes, including a fur pelt cloak. “I don’t need this anymore. It’s very hot anyways. I’m very hot.”
    • Shadowy hands lift out of the flames and take the clothes. Gerald: “These are just my size.”
    • Buli: “They smell really good. I’ve been seasoning them.” The Grandmaster: “I love seasoned clothes.”
    • Chancy death-glares the whole time: “You better not be trading my loot.”
  4. 0:53:44 — The reward. The lid flips open and a column of heatless pink and yellow fire shoots up. A blank spell scroll floats out.
    • A chant of “Pick a spell!” breaks out (it reads as the crowd; speaker uncertain).
    • Buli won’t let the Arbiter advise, because “Arbiter is Chancy’s super fan… gets newsletters.”
    • The flames burn one word onto the page: “FLY.”
  5. 0:55:51 The Grandmaster: “I was really hoping for a spell of castration.” The Arbiter: “It’s castigation and it’s a blood hunter feat.” Buli: “Buli don’t know how to spell either.” The Grandmaster: “Even Buli with his 400 brains can’t spell.”
  6. 0:56:43 Buli doesn’t know what a spell is. He beaks the scroll a little and waves it around, and it somehow casts itself. Pink and yellow flames coat his body and wings and lift him just barely off the ground.

End of round 3 — Doug storms off (0:57:18)

  1. The Arbiter rolls a 12. The Grandmaster: “You’re rolling much higher than I thought.” The Arbiter: “Finally, a little recognition.”
  2. 0:57:40 Doug looks defeated.
    • The Grandmaster asks the Arbiter to roll lower so Doug can have a turn. The Arbiter: “Doug can sit where the fuck he’s at.”
    • Doug whimpers with his big pug eyes, holding his green little D20 squish toy, and squeaks it.
    • The Arbiter rerolls and rolls higher. Doug runs off in anger and embarrassment.
    • The Grandmaster: “I have to go get him… Thanks a lot, Arbiter.” The break begins.

Round 4

  1. 0:58:41 Back from the break; the count is settled at round four (“The acolytes say four”).
  2. 0:59:27 — Fireball. Chancy panics over the spell list (“Tasha’s… no, not yet”), smirks, and casts Fireball at the hovering Buli: “Hot, hot heat!” “It’ll be fine. It’s a metal loot. The queen gave it to me.” Buli fails: 31 fire. “You just can’t get away from a fire today.”
  3. 1:01:10 — Polymorph. Chancy spends the hero point on a second spell: “If you think you can fly, you might as well be a creature who can fly well.”
    • Buli fails, and becomes a butterfly, “really stinking cute,” in a blue petticoat matching Chancy’s, “Bridgerton vibes.” “Please don’t be smart.”
    • The Grandmaster: “Remind me never to steal anything from Chancy.”
    • Chancy: “Fly hither and give me my loot back before I crush you.”
  4. 1:02:53 Chancy lands and stamps his/her feet “like a mom.” The ground feels strange: an unfamiliar energy echoing through the place, and the temperature drops a few degrees.
  5. 1:04:21 — Buli the butterfly.
    • Chancy: “Buli the butterfly!” Buli can only squeak. (“I’m gonna get you!” at 1:04:33; speaker uncertain.)
    • This is “the worst moment of his life.” Buli flutters away and lands on the nose of the most fearsome beast he can find: Doug. The crowd coos. Doug stands perfectly still, entranced.
  6. 1:05:44 Buli yells “sic him,” but no one can hear a butterfly. Animal handling with advantage, because he butterfly-kissed Doug’s nose: 16. Doug approves.
  7. 1:06:35 — Doug pounces.
    • Chancy opens arms wide: “Oh, come here, puppy… a running of love.”
    • Doug leaps down from above and pins Chancy’s wings to the ground for 11 bludgeoning. His nip misses. He growls, angry that Chancy hurt his butterfly friend, then hops back up.
    • Chancy: “Too much love. All animals love me.” Chancy holds concentration.
  8. 1:08:09 — The queen’s dog. Covered in slobber, Chancy: “I can introduce you to the queen’s dog. I’ve met that dog a thousand times.”
    • The Grandmaster asks for a “liar” roll; Chancy is “lying out of my ass.”
    • Doug actually knows many dogs in the realm. On deception 19, wanting to keep his good reputation with the other dogs, he stays seated in his throne above.
  9. 1:09:15 Doug finally gets to roll at the end of the round. The Arbiter: “It’s a participation trophy.” The Grandmaster: “We now have triggered the Arbiter’s event without any help of Doug because the Arbiter refused to allow Doug to participate. Everyone remember this.”

The ghost of the well — Christina (1:09:34)

  1. The cold has grown each round, and the whisper on the wind is now clear: “Frederick, Frederick, where are you?”
    • A ghost crawls out of the well: a young maiden, ethereal, with long flowing blonde hair, a small tiara, and a beautiful white gown.
    • Buli, a butterfly near the ground, can’t see her at first.
  2. 1:10:48 She raises Buli to eye height. “Neither are you, Frederick!” Her voice fills the whole space rather than coming from her throat, shaking them to the core. Her eyes glow yellow, like a fire within.
  3. 1:11:46 To Chancy: “You, you’re not him.” A wind-push. Chancy holds (24), but icicles gather in the hair.
  4. 1:12:00 To Buli: “You, that’s not who you really are.”
    • The polymorph melts away, leaving Buli in his burned-feather form, still flapping his arms like a butterfly.
    • “You’re also not Frederick!” He is thrown 10 ft toward the castle.
  5. 1:13:15 Christina the ghost enters initiative. Bec: “We do not choose the names for some of these automatically listed.”

Round 5 — the truce

  1. 1:14:02 Chancy makes eye contact with Buli: “Are we working together just for a moment?… let’s attack this first.”
    • Buli, after a long pause: “Buli the Great is also Buli the… Fair and just. The answer is yes.”
    • Chancy: “You had to think about that for a minute.” Buli: “I don’t know those words really.”
  2. 1:14:55 Chancy hits Christina with Mind Sliver; she is “racked with mental anguish.” Chancy, pretending to be a ghost: “Frederick’s not here. Check the well where you came from.” Persuasion 22: “Frederick, you’re at the well?”
  3. 1:17:12 Chancy throws the voice in a Frederick impression: “It’s me, honey. I’m at the well.” (performance 20).
    • Buli assists by making splashing water noises (also 20).
    • She races to the well and peers in: “Frederick, I don’t see you. Where are you?” She spends her turn searching it.
  4. 1:18:16 — The truce breaks. Chancy stands up and pats Buli on the head: “you did good.” Buli: “I don’t want you to ever pat me on the head! The truce is over!”
    • Chancy: “This thing is going to kill us if we don’t attack it first.” Buli: “It has to kill one of us first, and it’s going to be you.”
    • Chancy: “Buli, I knew you paused when you said you were honorable.” The Grandmaster: “The lies!”
  5. 1:19:42 — Frederick. On a perception check, both see a ghoul peek out around the corner just above them. “Thanks for the help,” and Frederick scoots past. The Grandmaster: “You coward.”
  6. 1:20:22 — Buli rages. He had been on Chancy’s side, but the head pat “could not stand.”
    • He turns red, which is easy to see now that he’s lost so many feathers to fire.
    • The wage gag: “Buli would like to wage! … Wages, do you want wage? Like, wait, money. No… I would like to anger.” “Wages is a hard word.”
  7. 1:21:22 He pulls out his battle axe, goes “mm-mm-mm,” drops it, and pulls out his great axe instead.
    • First swing: Chancy’s Cutting Words makes it miss. “You’re so cute when you’re mad.” The Grandmaster: “Buli’s angry, not mad.” The Arbiter: “He’s angry about the wage increase.”
    • Second swing: the flat of the axe, “like I’m going to play baseball with a great axe.” “You will regret what you said to me.” It hits.
  8. 1:24:13 Buli runs toward the ghost, yelling. Chancy takes an opportunity Mind Sliver at him; he saves on 18 (“Buli, the smartest warrior in the world”). The table bumps it to “500 brains.”
    • Chancy: “I was just gonna compliment you and tell you how cute you were.” Buli: “Don’t you even start with me, mister.”
  9. 1:26:10 Buli: “Ma’am! Ma’am!”
    • Christina whips around, her hair rising into “this massive Ursula look,” glowing bright blue. “What is it?”
    • Buli: “That fairy lied to you. He knows Fredwick. We saw him.” (Technically true, so the roll isn’t deception.) Persuasion 15: she buys it.
    • Her golden eyes burn orange and fix on Chancy. Buli: “Who am I?… Those are my taunting, vicious, mockery words.”

Chaos event — the pillow fight (1:27:46)

  1. The Arbiter rolls a 5, but the Acolytes demand chaos on their own. Buli rolls a 4.
    • For four rounds, every weapon turns into a pillow.
    • The Grandmaster: “I don’t want just pillow attacks. We’ve seen enough of these. Plus goose feathers are hard to come by.” So the pillows are filled with rocks.
    • Rock pillows can be thrown 15 ft for extra damage.

Round 6

  1. 1:30:38 Chancy: “Frederick’s actually over there by that tree… I swear, I’m literally staring right at him.” She goes to look.
  2. 1:31:16 — Greater Invisibility. Chancy stares daggers at Buli. “Now you see me,” with a dramatic snap, “now you don’t.”
    • Chancy climbs down the cliff to the box “Cirque du Soleil-ing… a showman’s way” (athletics 16). The Grandmaster: “So impressive, the show we never saw.”
  3. 1:32:26 — Chancy’s sacrifice.
    • Gerald senses Chancy and holds out a claw. Chancy whispers: “Next time, my friend.” Interacting with the box doesn’t break the invisibility.
    • Chancy has “a ridiculous amount of instruments” in the bag. “No, I need this one for a performance for the king… this one entrances dragons naturally.” Gerald snaps his fingers impatiently.
    • Chancy hands over a lyre. The Arbiter: “Is this the one Van Halen played?” Chancy: “It is totally the one Van Halen played. It’s signed. He gave it to me.”
    • Chancy scratches at it with a thumb: “It’s invisible ink.” Deception 27: Gerald 100% believes Van Halen signed it in invisible ink.
  4. 1:34:25 Chancy rolls a 1 on the d100. The Grandmaster has never seen one. Chancy: “Well, I am Chancy. Everyone knows about me and I do impressive things.” Chancy bows, invisibly.
    • “Here, I’m not using these” (1:35:10; diarized to Buli’s player, likely Gerald; speaker uncertain).
    • Gerald tosses out the Gauntlets of Ogre Power: Chancy’s Strength becomes 19.
  5. 1:35:49 Christina searches (perception 9), but Frederick hides behind a tree, peeking around it.
  6. 1:36:45 — The hostage. Buli knows Chancy is invisible. He takes out the lute and dangles it over the well: “Hey, Chancy! You want your loot? You better come and fight me like a man! If you don’t wanna show yourself, the loot gets it.” He holds a rock pillow ready, humming his battle tune.

Round 7

  1. 1:37:58 “Your loot is about to get it.”
    • Chancy flies to the top of the ruins, still unseen: “You better not… I swear to the Queens… a hot tea that I will throw it on you.”
    • Buli: “Oh, my fingers are loosening. I can hardly hold it.”
    • Chancy’s Mind Sliver fails again (Buli 17). “Buli the genius.” Chancy shifts position to hide where the spell came from.
  2. 1:41:14 — The loot gets it. Buli: “Buli is a man of his word.” He asks the crowd. Chancy: “He lies all the time.” Buli: “I’m not a man at all, I’m a monstrosity.”
    • The crowd chants “Drown the loot!” Buli drops the lute into the well. Chancy: “You are gonna get it.”
  3. 1:42:18 Buli senses that Chancy is somewhere out toward the edge of the castle and runs 35 ft.
    • He swings bags of rocks with his eyes closed and “pray[s] to the great owlbear spirits to guide me true.”
    • Two throws (disadvantage): the first misses, and the second hits Chancy square in the face.
    • A frenzy bonus throw from his last rock bag also hits. Chancy holds invisibility.
  4. 1:46:13 Buli: “Come and face me and I’ll send you to the afterlife so you can see your loot again.”

Round 8

  1. 1:46:28 “We are officially out of cards” (the round counter). Chancy: “That loot was given to me by the queen’s sister after a beautiful night that we had together and that is not a lie.”
    • Fireball, aimed so it doesn’t catch Christina or Chancy. Buli fails: 28 fire.
    • The Grandmaster: “There’s plenty of video games where I’ll use my rocket launcher when they’re five feet in front of me.”
  2. 1:49:10 Chancy: “Follow the sound of my voice! Frederick’s over here, behind this tree… In front of you, but don’t follow my voice.” The Grandmaster and Buli are both confused.
    • Frederick sneaks into the bushes (stealth 21). Christina can’t spot him (19) and looks angrily at Chancy: “Where is he?”
  3. 1:50:41 — Christina strikes. At disadvantage, she lunges at where she heard the voice.
    • Her ghostly hand grabs Chancy for necrotic damage.
    • She pulls herself through Chancy’s body for force damage and stops in Chancy’s square: “your bones have turned to Jell-O for a hot minute.”
    • Chancy keeps the invisibility.
  4. 1:52:17 — Buli’s charge. Seeing the ghost attack something where Chancy’s voice came from, Buli goes on all fours and charges, raging, frenzied and reckless. Battle cry: “This is for all of the marbles/baubles” (heard as “mobbles”; see Spelling).
    • He slashes with his owlbear claws.
    • Chancy uses Cutting Words on the first claw, which misses as he screeches past, digging into the ground.
    • The second hits. The frenzy bonus claw is a glancing half-damage hit. Buli: “You will never call me cute again!”
    • Christina, in the same square, takes the same hits.
  5. 1:55:59 The Grandmaster: “Barbarians are only for mathematicians.” Also: “For someone with low intelligence and wisdom, you have been rolling amazingly high.” Buli: “That’s how I keep my enemies guessing.”

Round 9

  1. 1:56:18 Chancy heals with Cure Wounds at 6th level. Chancy again calls, “Follow my voice, Frederick’s over here.”
    • Then Chancy whispers to Frederick: “Listen here you little shit, stop moving around because this little bitch over here needs to find you, you little fuckhead.”
    • Christina’s opportunity attack misses. Chancy steps five feet over so Frederick might think Chancy is right beside him.
  2. 1:58:18 The Grandmaster calls the ghost “Christina Aguilera” (“that was not my own joke. I did steal that one”). - She spots Frederick in the woods (15) and lets out a massive screech like a thunderclap, angry at him for not showing up on the day of their wedding. It can be heard 100 ft away. - Buli, Chancy and Frederick all make the save and take half. - She rushes at Frederick and tries to strangle him.
  3. 2:00:38 — The Arbiter ends the pillow fight. “This is getting ridiculous.” He snaps, and all the weapons come back. Buli: “I came here for blood, not pillows.” (“Oh, blood I will give to you!” follows; speaker uncertain.)
  4. 2:00:48 Buli runs into the general area and swings blind; a d4 decides he’s attacking Chancy. - Nat 1: the great axe snaps at the hilt. He drops it and pulls the battle axe (“It’s good that you got so many axes”). - Chancy burns through the rest of the Bardic Inspiration as Cutting Words, and the battle axe and the frenzy attack both miss.
  5. 2:03:09 Buli drops to his knees: “Why can’t I hit anyone?” The Grandmaster grants Buli Bless for his next round: “You continue to attack each round and I must reward that… If you’re alive.”

Round 10

  1. 2:03:34 The Grandmaster’s voice echoes: “Quit running away and fight. You go and yell at that freaking ghost for hiding.”
  2. 2:03:56 Chancy appears right in front of Buli, glaring: “This is for my loot.” Fireball, with Buli at the edge of the blast. - Buli saves with advantage (feral instinct plus Bless): 16 fire. “Still alive.” - Chancy wanted to look him in the eyes: “I dropped [invisibility], so I can watch you burn.” The Grandmaster: “Mad respect.”
  3. 2:05:18 Chancy Misty Steps away (Fae Touched), then moves another 30 ft: “Catch me now, Buli!” Then: “You’re toast! And you smell like it, too.” (speaker uncertain: Chancy or the Grandmaster).
  4. 2:06:31 Christina wraps her long ghostly fingers around Frederick’s neck and strangles him. “Clearly they’re having a small dispute. Let’s give them some privacy.” They fade into the distance.
  5. 2:07:22 — Down the well. Buli has missing feathers and bugging eyes; “it’s not pretty.” - He Dashes, charges and leaps, hooking his claws into Chancy. The Charger shove pushes them both straight into the well: “We’re all going down.” “Buli is just done with this fight.” - The Grandmaster: “This no longer cute, hideous, and crazed little animal.” When the lute was dropped, no one heard a splash. The only splash was Buli’s imitation. - Plummeting, Buli screams: “Who do you think you are?”
  6. 2:10:08 — Chancy flies them out. “What are you doing? This is just for fun.” With the Ogre Power gauntlets, Chancy grabs Buli (strength 21) and flies back up. Buli clings to Chancy’s boots (rage advantage, 19). - The Grandmaster: “You two are the hardest things to kill.”

Round 11

  1. 2:12:00 Chancy sets Buli down on the ground and looks him in the eye: “You can’t take me down like you took down my loot.” A coin flip picks Fireball over Mind Sliver.
  2. 2:13:58 Fireball at 4th level, Buli alone in the blast: “This is for my loot… you will never take me down, ever. Not even once, you cute little ball of fluff.” Chancy’s eyes glow, and the playing becomes “a mad riff.”
  3. 2:14:53 Buli fails and takes 27. “The last of your feathers burn to a crisp. A small little chicken nail bird.”
  4. 2:15:10 — Relentless Rage, first time. Buli drops to zero, makes the save (25), and rises to 1 HP. - Buli has almost no feathers, a couple sticking out. He’s naked, has no weapons, and his eyes are bugging out. “You can smell cooked chicken. It’s delicious smelling.” He twitches. - He shrieks words no one can understand. His claws are burnt pulp, so he headbutts Chancy (Tavern Brawler). - Three headbutts all land: “Use your head!” Chancy is left at 13 HP.

Round 12 — the end

  1. 2:19:52 Chancy has never made an unarmed strike and wants “something that just hits.” Cloud of Daggers on Buli, ripping the petticoat in rage: “No one destroys my loot… and nobody doesn’t die to my fireballs!” “Think of like Yu-Gi-Oh.”
  2. 2:20:37 Hundreds of daggers manifest. Buli drops to zero, and rises again on exactly 15 (DC 15). - “There’s like one dagger just poking into your twitching eyeball.” - Buli: “Buli the Burned! Buli the Deathless!” He has only stumps left and starts throwing his whole body at Chancy.
  3. 2:22:05 Chancy Misty Steps away and flies 30 ft up: “With no more freaking charge attacks, I swear to fucking God.”
  4. 2:23:17 Buli starts his turn inside the cloud and drops again. The Relentless DC is now 20, and he fails. “Buli kind of like starts to rise again. It goes, Buli the… And falls down dead, finally.”
  5. 2:24:07 — “Enough!” The Grandmaster stops the fight and dismisses the Cloud of Daggers. “Arbiter, take care of Buli immediately… remove our stabbed owlet, owlbear.” - The Arbiter flies down, picks Buli up by the leg, “I don’t really feel like walking all that way,” and tosses him into the well. - “We will never hear Buli hit the ground in there.”
  6. 2:24:45 — The bow. “Your loot may not be found, but I can at least offer you a chance to give a final bow.” Chancy: “You said my audience?” - The Grandmaster picks up the petticoat, offers it, and unrolls the sleeves. - Chancy puts it on, feels regal, bows, then takes out the ocarina, plays a little tune and does a jig.
  7. 2:25:45 — The Grandmaster’s farewell: “Remember, Acolytes, in all you do, never give up [transcribed ‘never get up’]. Stand back each time and give them hell every single moment that you breathe.” “Welcome and good night to D20 Deathmatch.”

Dried Blood (after-show)

In-character / near-canon (mark Dried Blood):

  • Buli’s eternal fall. Bec: Buli is in an eternal fall, so he can make death saves “post-show credits.”
    • At 2:31:00 Drew reports “two saves, one fail,” then: “As per our rules, you are back up with one HP. Falling down the well.” Bec: “The deathless. Falling. Unmurderable.”
  • The table riffs that at the bottom of the well Buli might find the shiny loot and come back for vengeance. They picture him with two feathers regrown, eating bugs to survive.
  • BunnyDreadful: they are “tiny owlbears,” so they eat what owlbears eat: “humans… meat, flesh, squirrels.”
  • Chancy’s final words: “May you always find yourself defeating 10,000 dragons because there’s always, I don’t know, something inside your heart. Think of something and pretend like I said it.”
  • Buli’s final scene: the screen fades to black, then back to a dark chasm. “You see a small fluffy, used to be fluffy thing falling and you just see an eye open. ‘I’ll be back.’”

Out-of-character creator notes:

  • Mac enjoyed fighting a friend in PvP. Chancy’s inspiration was the bard from The Witcher; Bec: “burn, Witcher, burn.”
  • Mac kept casting Fireball because most of Chancy’s spells used saves Buli kept making.
  • BunnyDreadful doesn’t usually play barbarian. Relentless Rage with a +7 Con save kept Buli alive: “technically I’m not dead.”
  • BunnyDreadful made artwork of Buli; Bec asks for a “fried chicken version.” “Spicy Buli.”
  • Drew: the bardic inspirations saved Chancy many times. Mac spent them all because “I didn’t know you get to hit three times.”
  • Drew: the longest fight they’ve had, round 12 or more (they’ve been to round 10 before). Mac: Chancy would brag about having the longest fight.
  • If Chancy hadn’t flown them out of the well, the DMs hadn’t decided what would happen (“probably would have intervened… more ghosts”). Bec: the players interacted with Christina “in a way I did not plan.”

Who and what appears

Characters

Buli the Brave (BunnyDreadful).

  • Species: a tiny owlbear (player, Dried Blood). The Grandmaster calls him “owlet” and “owlbear.”
  • Body: 3 ft 1 in, feathered, with claws (“not hands”). His owl head spins around when he’s furious.
  • Speech: says “wage” for rage and “Fredwick” for Frederick.
  • Gear and abilities:
    • Many axes: a great axe (snapped at the hilt) and a battle axe.
    • Tiny bagpipes.
    • A fur pelt cloak and clothes, sacrificed to Gerald.
    • A barbarian with rage, frenzy, reckless attack and Relentless Rage, plus Charger and Tavern Brawler.
  • Claims:
    • Destroyed an Aboleth with his bare hands and bathed in its blood.
    • “Owlbears make the best warriors… we don’t even have tear ducts.”
    • “400 (500) brains.”
    • Prays to “the great owlbear spirits.”
  • Epithets: the Brave, the Brains, the Fierce, the Strong, the Murderer, the Destroyer, the Great, the Burned, the Deathless.
  • In this episode:
    • Took Chancy’s small lute from “the rack of weapons that they said anybody could have” and dropped it into the well.
    • Flew by spell scroll and was polymorphed into a butterfly.
    • Rose twice from zero before dying. His body was thrown down the well by the Arbiter.
    • In Dried Blood, he is falling forever: “I’ll be back.”

Chancy (MacNcheeseP1z).

  • Who: a fairy bard (“musical wizard, magic bard, sorcerer”), about 3 ft 1½ in, with wings. Chancy’s spells look like musical notes from an ocarina.
  • Claims:
    • Fought 10,000 dragons; “the Dragon Slayer.”
    • Fought “the Witch in the Hills, probably.”
    • Pet Doug today.
    • Plays for the king; knows the queen’s dog (a lie).
    • The petticoat was a gift from the queen. The lute was a gift from the queen (or the queen’s sister, “after a beautiful night”).
    • Owns a lyre “signed by Van Halen” in invisible ink.
  • Gear:
    • Ocarina, a small lute, many instruments, a petticoat.
    • A dagger and a longsword (per the pillow event).
    • Gauntlets of Ogre Power, won from Gerald.
  • Spells: Blade Ward, Fire Bolt, Vicious Mockery, Fireball (×4), Polymorph, Mind Sliver, Greater Invisibility, Cure Wounds, Cloud of Daggers, and a Fae Touched Misty Step. Also uses Cutting Words.
  • Winner.

Grandmaster Elusia Skypiercer (Bec).

  • Bakes cookies for the Acolytes in an apron reading “Grandmaster.”
  • Brought Doug to the stands and left at the break to comfort him.
  • Granted Buli Bless for trying hard, and stopped the fight with “Enough!”
  • Doesn’t visit this arena often. She covered the castle’s portraits.

The Arbiter (Drew).

  • Tried to steal a cookie and was smacked.
  • Claims to be Chancy’s superfan (a concert tee pulled from his chest, Chancy’s name “carved on my bones”).
  • “Aged like a fine wine.”
  • Refused to roll low for Doug.
  • Ended the pillow-fight chaos early.
  • Threw Buli’s body into the well.

Doug.

  • The Grandmaster’s pug. He got a raw egg (no cookies), has a green D20 squish toy, and wants a turn rolling.
  • He sat in “his throne above.”
  • He pounced on Chancy at butterfly-Buli’s urging.
  • “Knows many dogs in the realm.”

Gerald (the Box of Chaos).

  • A purple box with pink and yellow flames, with a small shadowy figure and claw.
  • Took Buli’s clothes (“These are just my size”) and gave a FLY scroll.
  • Took Chancy’s lyre, believed the Van Halen story, and gave Gauntlets of Ogre Power.

Christina the ghost.

  • Appearance: the maiden of the ruined castle. Long blonde hair, a tiara, a white gown; ethereal. Her eyes glow yellow, then orange; she glows blue.
  • Story: she searches for Frederick, who did not show up on the day of their wedding.
  • Powers: her voice fills the whole space. She dispels polymorph (“that’s not who you really are”), uses a wind-push, a necrotic touch, passes through bodies, and screeches like a thunderclap.
  • Fate: last seen strangling Frederick as they fade into the distance.
  • Name: auto-assigned by the VTT, per Bec.

Frederick.

  • Christina’s groom, seen as “a ghoul” peeking around corners. He hides behind a tree and in the bushes. Bec: “You coward.”
  • Strangled by Christina at the end. Whether he is undead is only implied by “ghoul.”

The queen, the queen’s sister, the king, the queen’s dog. Figures in Chancy’s claims, all unnamed.

The Acolytes. Threw objects (dodgeball), picked “drown the loot,” demanded chaos, and ruled that height doesn’t matter.

Places

Items

Lore statements

  • Sacrificing to Gerald is a free action. The box stays put and can be used by both champions.
  • The Grandmaster and the Arbiter can award Bless and end chaos events.
  • “Goose feathers are hard to come by” (the Grandmaster).
  • Doug knows many dogs in the realm and cares about his reputation among them.

Quotes by character

Buli

  • 0:05:18 “Not adorable. I am fierce. I am brave. I am strong. And I am here to win.”
  • 0:05:43 “I once destroyed an Aboleth with my bare hands.”
  • 0:08:07 “I have the most destructive metal deathly musical instrument in the world.”
  • 0:21:55 “Look, everyone… it is not how tall you are. It’s what you do with it.”
  • 0:25:56 “If I can’t see him, he can’t see me.”
  • 0:38:40 “The world is not ready for a Buli that can fly.”
  • 0:41:47 “It looks like Chancy can’t handle the heat!”
  • 0:47:16 “Owlbears make the best warriors. We never cry. We don’t even have tear ducts.” (transcribed “I quickly make best warriors”)
  • 0:49:43 “Are you also old? Why is everyone so old here?”
  • 1:18:40 “I don’t want you to ever pat me on the head! The truce is over!”
  • 1:36:45 “You want your loot? You better come and fight me like a man! If you don’t wanna show yourself, the loot gets it.”
  • 1:41:52 “I’m not a man at all, I’m a monstrosity.”
  • 2:00:48 “I came here for blood, not pillows.”
  • 2:21:42 “Buli the Burned! Buli the Deathless!”
  • 2:33:02 (Dried Blood) “I’ll be back.”

Chancy

  • 0:06:40 “Everybody knows who I am. I’m Chancy.”
  • 0:07:20 “I fought 10,000 dragons… I definitely fought, you know, the Witch in the Hills, probably. And I pet Doug today.”
  • 0:08:53 “No, I am a fairy. How dare you insult me with a bird.”
  • 0:29:10 “This is not how you treat a diplomat.”
  • 0:37:14 “Oh, how cute. You think they can run?”
  • 0:46:04 “I’ve never had something not hit before.”
  • 1:01:10 “If you think you can fly, you might as well be a creature who can fly well.”
  • 1:08:09 “I can introduce you to the queen’s dog. I’ve met that dog a thousand times.”
  • 1:17:25 “It’s me, honey. I’m at the well.”
  • 1:31:37 “Now you see me… now you don’t.”
  • 1:33:37 “It is totally the one Van Halen played. He actually, it’s signed. He gave it to me… It’s invisible ink.”
  • 1:46:35 “That loot was given to me by the queen’s sister after a beautiful night that we had together and that is not a lie.”
  • 2:13:58 “You will never take me down, ever. Not even once, you cute little ball of fluff.”

Grandmaster Elusia Skypiercer

  • 0:02:05 “These are for the Acolytes. I’m not giving to any of the champions. Clearly, they don’t deserve it.”
  • 0:03:22 “What are you doing? This is clearly for the Acolytes. You aren’t one of them.”
  • 0:11:11 “There was supposed to be a nice little wedding here, but it never happened. But it doesn’t matter.”
  • 0:12:33 “Everything you do, you do it for the eyes that will tell your story… who will continue to echo and carry out your legacy.”
  • 0:42:38 “Remember dear champions, be careful. You see, these forgotten ruins, well, they’re not abandoned. Someone may still live here.”
  • 0:55:51 “I was really hoping for a spell of castration, but that’s okay.”
  • 1:02:22 “Remind me never to steal anything from Chancy.”
  • 1:09:34 “The Arbiter refused to allow Doug to participate. Everyone remember this.”
  • 1:20:20 “You coward.” (to Frederick)
  • 1:29:33 “I don’t want just pillow attacks… Plus goose feathers are hard to come by.”
  • 2:03:34 “Quit running away and fight.”
  • 2:24:07 “Enough!… Arbiter, take care of Buli immediately.”
  • 2:25:45 “In all you do, never give up [?]. Stand back each time and give them hell every single moment that you breathe.”

The Arbiter

  • 0:00:35 “Listen, that was fog… a magical, thick, viscous fog.”
  • 0:03:31 “Why do they get cookies and I don’t get cookies? I work here.”
  • 0:04:00 “Fucking Doug.”
  • 0:04:02 “I don’t want an egg, but I do want to watch people fight to the death.”
  • 0:34:07 “Should we call the Rangers or something?… The park services are going to want to hear about this.”
  • 0:40:32 “I’ve been to all their concerts… Carved on my bones is Chancy’s name.”
  • 0:49:47 “I’m aged like a fine wine.”
  • 0:57:46 “Doug can sit where the fuck he’s at.”
  • 2:00:38 “This is getting ridiculous.” (restores the weapons)
  • 2:24:30 “I don’t really feel like walking all that way.” (tosses Buli down the well)

Christina the ghost (Bec)

  • 1:09:34 “Frederick, Frederick, where are you?”
  • 1:11:46 “You, you’re not him.”
  • 1:12:00 “You, that’s not who you really are… You’re also not Frederick!”
  • 1:49:49 “Where is he?”

Gerald / the Box of Chaos (Drew)

  • 0:52:26 “These are just my size.”

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