S3E2 — The Student and the Master — Alma v Ahyan

Champions and players	Erica (handle unknown) as Alma; “Hamna” (name as heard, handle unknown) as Ahyan. The YouTube cast list (sensei_suplex as Capt Fable, Ascension_Matt as Verryn Ruth) repeats #50 and is treated as a copy-paste error.
Result	Alma (kills Ahyan with a single Quickened Magic Missile to the heart)
Arena	the Grandmaster’s temple (a ruined stone temple on a sky-high island pillar with an east courtyard and two Grandmaster statues), later turned into a blizzard by the Arbiter
Hosts	Caustic Phoenix (Grandmaster Elusia Skypiercer); Mudcat narrates and plays the Arbiter
Watch	YouTube

What happens

Opening — the Grandmaster’s throne room, Dread Fortress

1. 0:00:02 The intro: “Welcome to D20 Deathmatch, Acolytes! We’re back for another Sunday of carnage!”
2. 0:00:25 The Grandmaster is “revved up” for Season 3, Episode 2. She reminds the Arbiter that he is still her number two, and also last place: “if you’re not first, you’re last.”
3. 0:00:49 The Arbiter walks the halls of the Dread Fortress with his chains clacking against the stones. He knocks on the throne-room door, “because he knocks now. Just part of the punishment.”
4. 0:01:13 The goblins Thomas and Jerry open the doors. Inside is a pre-show celebration with a small plate of hors d’oeuvres, snacks and drinks, and goblins already eating.
5. 0:01:41 — The budget. The Arbiter asks who is paying for the catering. The Grandmaster says it comes “straight from the budget,” and that he is in charge of the budget. Arbiter: “Do you even know what the word budget means?” Her face goes blank: “Numbers. I don’t know, that’s why I have you still around.” The Arbiter starts shoveling the food into Tupperware, away from the general public.
6. 0:02:28 — The chinchillas. The Grandmaster clarifies something from last time. The Dread Fortress staffs 203 goblins and ordered 203 chinchillas, one each, as pets. The Acolytes had thought the goblins were eating them. “There was no eating of cute chinchillas… every goblin loves a chinchilla pet.”
7. 0:02:58 The Arbiter: “Everyone knows that goblins eat bunnies.” Jerry drops his plate: “I’m a vegetarian, Arbiter!” The Arbiter apologizes and asks after Jerry’s mom and whether she got her bunions removed. She’s doing better. Jerry picks up his dropped carrots and celery.
8. 0:03:34 The Grandmaster tells him to make it right to Jerry with two fantastic champions. The Arbiter’s pitch: the champions are “master and student,” who “needed to fight to the death anyway… two birds, one stone.”
9. 0:04:12 He claps, the sound waves rip open a portal, and he announces “Ayan versus Alma!”
10. 0:04:40 — Alma’s entrance. Alma is “the student of wild magic sorcery,” an earth genasi with gray skin cracked like dried mud around the face, charcoal black hair and gray and white elven armor. They give off a young, ferocious, super hyper energy and look around wild-eyed. “Tonight, I will prove once and for all that I have become not the student, but the master.” Then a scream: “Ah!”
11. 0:05:48 — Ahyan’s entrance. A tall minotaur walks in with gold bands and rings pierced through their horns. They have long, wavy blue hair that keeps flowing although there is no wind. They are bandaging their arms with wraps and look very unimpressed. Ahyan: “I thought I taught you better than to boast.” Alma: “I will boast because I know my powers of [wealth?] usurp yours.”
12. 0:06:42 Ahyan: “I feel like I failed as a mentor after all of these years. You don’t deserve this position that we’re fighting for. Why don’t you go home? Save us both the trouble.”
13. 0:07:02 The Grandmaster weighs “the feisty mentee” against “the very secured… mentor… clearly well-versed in battle.” She wonders whether expertise or passion will win. The Arbiter is “a fan of the underdog.”
14. 0:08:07 Ahyan sees no threat and only laments having to fight: “That offer to go home, it’s for your own good, Alma.” Alma: “you have gotten weak with all your years… you would have forgotten because you’re old and you don’t have a very good memory anymore.”
15. 0:08:53 The Grandmaster says she won’t mention how old she is, so she doesn’t fall into that category. Arbiter: “Not a day over 3000.” “Thank you, thank you.”

The arena — the Grandmaster’s temple

16. 0:09:02 The Grandmaster asks for “a treasured temple of mine.” A portal opens onto fresh air and birdsong.
17. 0:09:38 The Acolytes float high above in the stands, screaming the champions’ names. They hold slushies, lollipops and “the swirly candy.” The Grandmaster can’t remember what cotton candy is called. She argues it should be called “cloud candy” because “cotton doesn’t look like that to me.” It comes in pinks, blues, purples and oranges.
18. 0:10:16 “One of the many temples that they’ve built to me.” It needs renovation, so “feel free to destroy it… we’ll be building brand new anyway.” The temple has a stone floor, pebbles and some holes in the roof, but it gives shelter. To the east (“no, wait, east. I know my directions”) is an open courtyard with two statues of the Grandmaster at its front. The whole temple stands on a pillar in the sky, and every edge drops at least 75 feet: “if you fall… you may not be getting back up.” “True to my name and true to my temple, spill blood here.”
19. 0:11:49 She asks who is “worthy to take position among your group… the true leader and vicious assassin tonight.” She flies up to sit next to Doug the Pug with her own cotton candy.
20. 0:12:29 The Arbiter flares his white glowing wings and flies up. A crowd member rips off his shirt and swings it around. He has a huge tattoo of the Grandmaster’s face across his stomach, which jiggles as he spills beer on himself. Grandmaster: “My face looks all sorts of funny.” The crowd throws popcorn.

Round 1

21. 0:13:16 Alma rolls a nat 20 on initiative. Ahyan: “How could this happen?” That triggers a chaos event, and Alma rolls a nat 1 for it (“better to get rid of it now”).
22. 0:14:24 — Chaos event: the sky magnet. A small silver disc appears high in the sky and plummets toward them, swinging on a chain from who knows where. On history and survival checks (Ahyan 15, Alma 20), both see it is metallic, and Alma recognizes a magnet. “Science.” “Or magic, maybe.” At the end of the round it will hover 10 ft up and pull anything metal.
23. 0:16:22 — Table gag (in-world): “Everyone has a sky magnet.” The Arbiter had it installed last fall. It was Jerry’s personal request. It “holds its value… like a motorcycle… Everyone needs a giant magnet.”
24. 0:16:58 Alma uses Quickened Spell and drops dice everywhere. The Arbiter blames “all those years of inexperience.” Alma’s Fire Bolt hits Ahyan. As the action, Alma readies Dimension Door to teleport 20 ft above the magnet when it comes close. Grandmaster: “I feel like we’re playing chess already.” Alma crouches, “vibrating with magic.”
25. 0:19:26 Ahyan is still wrapping their forearms when the Fire Bolt hits them square in the chest. Ahyan: “I see you haven’t learned to wait your turn.” A flourish and Mage Armor wraps them in blue light. Ahyan’s insight (16) just misses Alma’s stealth (17), so Ahyan sees Alma is gearing up for something about the disc but doesn’t realize it’s a magnet.
26. 0:21:21 Ahyan doesn’t want to hurt Alma, because “it would be for what? For nothing.” With a somber look: “Alma, don’t go anywhere.” Hold Person. Alma fails (4) and is paralyzed in their crouch, staring at the disc.
27. 0:22:23 Ahyan: “Alma, we don’t have to do this. You can forfeit, you know.” Alma: “You think I will [forfeit to] you? Never! You just have to kill me!” Ahyan: “I taught you everything you know, you fool! You don’t think I know every one of your spells, your attacks, your strategies?” Alma: “You don’t know everything! I’ve got this under control.” Ahyan sighs “this deep ancestral sigh.” Grandmaster: “The exhale of a thousand ancients.”
28. 0:23:42 — The Box of Chaos is summoned. It is “a gift of beauty from our acolytes,” summoned from another plane. Past sacrifices are recalled: an opponent, a soul, a lock of hair, a treasured weapon, a drop of blood. The Acolytes grant both champions a hero point (“chugging that caffeinated drink”). “the promotion that you’re both vying for… don’t die with it.”
29. 0:25:18 The Arbiter reminds her that the magnet is still pending. She wanted to slow-play it: “Oh my gosh, you ruined it… you’re in timeout.”
30. 0:25:34 — The magnet pulls. It is now huge, about the size of the medallion set in the arena floor. It is sleek silver with rings like a tree, “futuristic looking,” and it hums and shakes. Alma has a dagger and elven armor. Ahyan has a dagger, a small knife, a hammer, manacles and a steel mirror. “My bones are made of metal, et cetera” (Drew). “You never go without a weapon.”
31. 0:27:24 The held Alma auto-fails and smashes body-first into the magnet in full armor (5 bludgeoning). Ahyan keeps their gear, fails the Strength save (12), and is dragged up by their weapons (2 damage). “The play field is even now.” Both are stuck side by side, 5 ft apart, 10 ft in the air. Ahyan keeps concentration on Hold Person: “a nice double binding.” Alma: “I’m just, I’m waiting to make my move. This is all, it’s part of the plan.”
32. 0:30:01 The Grandmaster keeps the second chaos event secret and whispers it to the Arbiter. His d20 is a 13: “It could be better, but it could be worse.”

Round 2

33. 0:30:58 Alma spends the hero point to break Hold Person (advantage) and fails. It’s “like when Captain America starts to pick up Mjolnir and it wiggles just a little bit.” Grandmaster: “Maybe a little more experience would have made you familiar of how to break this.” Alma: “I’m in exactly where I want him.”
34. 0:32:46 The magnet lifts to 30 ft. The Arbiter stands to “deal a little chaos,” and the Grandmaster makes him wait until the end of the round.
35. 0:33:24 Ahyan: “You embarrass me, Alma. I taught you how to get rid of this.” Ahyan moves a hand along the magnet and drops Hold Person, freeing Alma. Ahyan then casts Lightning Lure on the ground below and uses the lightning as a rope. With the other hand they grab their ceremonial dagger, given to them when they graduated from “this academy”, which Alma will also graduate from “if you wait long enough.” In one swoop Ahyan pulls down toward the Box of Chaos to sacrifice the dagger. Grandmaster: “hell, that’s fucking awesome.”
36. 0:35:07 The roll is a 19. The lightning flies like a perfect rope straight into the opening box. Long dark fingers inside grab the other end. Ahyan crawls down it. Gerald’s yellow eyes peek out, and two shadowy hands creep from the lid. Gerald: “Why is your lightning on me?” Ahyan: “It’s the only thing I could think of to get to you here,” and holds out the dagger.
37. 0:36:07 Gerald: “Ooh, a ceremonial dagger… I could use one of these. I’ll be right back.” He does the fake-stairs walk down into the box. The lid slams shut, the box rumbles, and then it flips open. A heatless column of yellow and purple magical fire blinds everyone for a second.
38. 0:37:35 — The gift: armor of resistance. Gerald floats out metallic armor that ignores the magnet. It gives resistance to all force damage and +1 AC. The Grandmaster snaps her fingers and it’s on Ahyan, fitted exactly. It is a sleeveless chest piece splintered through with blue lightning that crackles harmlessly from back to front. Grandmaster: “Beauty and grace has now appeared onto our floor.”
39. 0:38:59 — Gerald thanked. Ahyan: “Thank you, Gerald. This will come in handy.” Gerald: “You might be the first person to ever say thank you.” Ahyan: “Well, that’s a shame, really.” Gerald: “It wasn’t a big deal before, but now I kind of like…”
40. 0:39:18 — The business card. Ahyan hands Gerald a business card for the Academy of Assassins: “we have benefits. It seems like nobody really appreciates you here. No offense, Grandmaster, Arbiter.” Grandmaster: “Always network. You never know.”
41. 0:39:56 The paper “is technically a sacrifice too,” so Gerald gives Ahyan a basic healing potion as “my business card.” It has “Gerald” scribbled on it in permanent marker, and the bottle reads “Gerald1972 at yahoo.com.” Arbiter: “What’s the 72 for?” Ahyan drinks it (7 HP).
42. 0:41:09 The lure pulls Ahyan free of the magnet, which is now too high to hold them.

Chaos event — the metal chairs (0:41:31)

43. The Grandmaster and the Arbiter step to the edge of their platform and pull two large metal chairs from behind their backs. Alma rolls a d4. The result is odd, so the Grandmaster takes Alma and the Arbiter takes Ahyan. They do a synchronized “screaming falcon” swan dive. Grandmaster: “Why do I sound like a haggard witch and you actually sound like a rock star?” Arbiter: “A lot of practice… No regard for my vocal cords.”
44. 0:43:14 These are guaranteed hits (“We don’t miss”). The Arbiter does a corkscrew barrel roll, his white wings glinting in the sun, and over-spins. The chair only taps Ahyan over the shoulder for one point. “Not my best work.” Grandmaster: “I think it’s the Minotaur strength.” “Tough skin. Tough crowd.”
45. 0:44:00 The Grandmaster hits Alma for 7 (“she’s stronger and better than the Arbiter”). The blow knocks Alma off the magnet and onto the ground. The magnet zips back into the sky and leaves a circular hole in the clouds. “It’s the hole in the ozone layer.” “It was us. We did it.” “Just kidding. We recycle everything. We’re very green in this place.”

Chaos event — the paparazzi storm (0:45:31)

46. The Acolytes go frantic. They lean over the edges with cameras and cell phones to get the best shot “so they can put it on TikTok so they become world famous.” They climb over each other until they fall into the arena in a paparazzi storm. Both champions fail their stealth checks (11 and 9) and are blinded by the flashes. “You’re used to the quiet assassin life where no one notices you.” “Can we get a selfie?… pose for us.”
47. 0:47:25 — Poses. Alma, still reeling from the unfreezing and the chair, tries to strike a pose. Ahyan doesn’t know what a selfie is: “What is a selfie? Do you want a shelf?” They bumble around fending people off. Grandmaster: “very action shot… Accidentally cool.”
48. 0:48:17 Gerald gives his last pose in a Marilyn Monroe dress, the box’s flames blowing it up while he covers himself, blushing. On his way back into the box: “Gonna take that new job at this assassin’s place.”

Round 3

49. 0:49:19 Alma is hurting and blind, and locates Ahyan by their “what’s a selfie” noises. Gust of Wind: “You should have never let me go, professor… It’s like Titanic.” Ahyan fails and slides 15 ft back toward the edge, hair “majestic.”
50. 0:50:46 The blind Alma steps toward the crowd: “Is this not the bloodshed that you’ve asked for?” Their feet feel for the edge. “Are you not entertained?” The Acolytes scream back. Alma stubs their big toe on a rock and plays it off: “entertainment.” “So smooth.”
51. 0:52:41 Ahyan braces against the floor and listens for Alma’s loud pandering. “And that will be your downfall, my dear.” Ahyan casts Distant Spell Vampiric Touch, eyes closed, by sound alone, and rolls a nat 20. Grandmaster: “Who needs eyes?” The hit does 32 necrotic damage. Alma’s voice falters and their legs shake. Alma recognizes the spell and knows their life is being leeched into Ahyan.
52. 0:54:43 The blind Ahyan walks toward Alma with hands out, sidestepping and kicking pebbles, while the crowd watches in silence. Ahyan: “Alma, I’m telling you, you don’t have to do this. Stop right now.” Alma: “I’ve got you right where I want you. I’m just letting you think you’re gonna win… so you feel good about yourself in the morning that you almost had me.”
53. 0:56:02 — Ahyan’s plea to the crowd: “Have mercy on Alma. Tell them that this is foolish. Don’t you have any, any empathy for them? If they won’t listen, convince them, please.”
54. 0:56:24 — The Grandmaster’s answer. It moves her heart, but she is unwavering: “in all of life we are fools and the only thing that we can do is fight for ourselves and fight for what we want. If this is what Alma wants, they will fight… I ask that in return you respect their wishes. That as that mentee grows, you see their strength as is.”
55. 0:57:20 — The chains. The Arbiter “can’t roll dice with these chains” and asks her to take them off “for like just 10 minutes.” Grandmaster: “No… You tried to overthrow the Dread Fortress. That was like two months ago.” Doug the Pug hops in with his plush D20 in his mouth and rolls a 13. The Arbiter: “I rolled a 13 earlier.” Doug’s throne is a miniature of the Grandmaster’s and sits higher than the Arbiter’s seat. The Arbiter sits on a wooden crate with a deflated stadium cushion branded “D20.”
56. 0:58:38 Break, cut from the mp3.

After the break — the taxes

57. 0:59:03 The Arbiter almost forgot the fighters’ names. “We see people die in the arena every week. I can’t remember them all.” Grandmaster: “We write them down… Are you illiterate? You do our taxes.” Arbiter: “I’ve been coloring in the boxes. That’s what you’re supposed to do, right?” She is horrified: “This is not like a paint-by-number situation.” He sulks: “If you don’t like the way I’m doing it, then you do it… I’m kind of upset.”

Round 4 — the counterspell duel

58. 1:00:28 Alma: “Professor, if you even are a professor, I’ve had about enough of this.” Immolation hits Ahyan. Ahyan saves for half. Alma does a little “Dr. Strange hand magic.” Ahyan feels a burning deep inside, “like you need some tums,” then small volcanic eruptions break out across their body. “Some people use it as a spa treatment.” “It’s like a hot stone massage… an instant tan.”
59. 1:02:33 Alma moves to the far side and casts a Quickened Darkness sphere centered on Ahyan.
60. 1:04:38 Ahyan twirls both hands and casts Counterspell. The clouds part (for flavor they linger, but Ahyan can see through them). Ahyan stares straight at Alma: “All right then, if you want to fight, like the Grandmaster said, I will honor your decision.” Grandmaster: “That was super badass.” Ahyan’s intimidation beats Alma’s insight, so Alma is shaken, with “a little bit of doubt of, can I take on my mentor?” (−1d4 on the next roll).
61. 1:06:38 Ahyan raises their hands slowly. The ground cracks, fissures open, and a hand pops out: Summon Undead. Grandmaster: “There are a lot of undead here in the ground… An old champion begins to creep and crawl and scratch its way to serve you.” It is a single ghostly, shadowy spirit.
62. 1:07:45 Alma counterspells it with a glowing magical weave: “No, not today. Go back into the ground.” It follows her hand back down without a word.
63. 1:08:23 Arbiter: “It’s blow for blow… I think this is the first time we’ve ever seen anybody use Counterspell in the arena.” Grandmaster: “Smart gameplay… They’re pushing each other to the edge.”
64. 1:08:50 Ahyan: “All right then, fine. If that’s how you want to play.” Misty Step: Ahyan reappears behind Alma and taps them on the shoulder. Alma: “Professor, what are you doing here?”
65. 1:09:27 Ahyan has no weapons left, since the magnet took them all. They spend their hero point (making a very adorable sound): lightning forms around their fist and they punch Alma in the face with Thunderclap. Alma dodges Matrix-style, bending their back “in ways no human should,” spins 360 in slow motion and springs back up. “You gotta be a little faster than that to get an old Alma.” Grandmaster: “Someone’s been doing yoga.”
66. 1:11:19 The missed punch cracks through the air and echoes off every wall. The Acolytes freeze, stunned, then go wild, throwing beers and shaking each other.
67. 1:11:58 — Doug again. The Arbiter rolls a 5. Doug hops in, does a booty shake with his curly tail (“You get a really good view of the Doug booty shake”), and rolls his plushie for a 10. The Arbiter barks back, his face flashing into a wolf face for a split second. He fails the intimidation: “it’s almost as if you said, I’m an idiot.” “I don’t speak dog.” Doug wins again.

The Arbiter’s chaos event — the blizzard (1:13:37)

68. “Every now and then we like to throw our Arbiter a bone.” The Arbiter, chains clacking: “I feel like it’s a little hot out.” He breathes out a fog like breath on a cold day. It grows until it blots out the sun. The temperature drops, the wind whips, and they are in a blizzard, with ice forming at their feet. The Grandmaster pulls on a parka.
69. 1:14:42 Initiative is rerolled. Ahyan rolls a nat 1: “not very steady on their feet in icy terrain.” The only light and warmth comes from large torches inside the temple. Both take cold damage from the chill.

New round 1 (in the blizzard)

70. 1:15:59 Alma heads for the light: “Dimension Door for real this time,” into the temple. Alma: “It’s awfully cold out there in the darkness, isn’t it, with all that snow? I know you never really liked snow anyway… The snow always bothered you.” Sickening Radiance covers the whole outer courtyard. Ahyan fails and takes 26 radiant, a level of exhaustion and a dim green glow. (“That’s massive.” “That’s what she said?” “I’ll allow it.”) Ahyan stumbles back, nauseated and badly hurt.
71. 1:18:39 Ahyan misty-steps inside to the edge of the temple behind Alma: “It isn’t very nice to treat your elders that way.” They cast Vampiric Touch again at 4th level. Alma counterspells.
72. 1:19:47 — Time magic. Ahyan uses Restore Balance: they feel the exhaustion flowing through their body and “almost like turn time back a little inside of their body to before that sickening radiance had arrived,” just for this one check. That cancels the disadvantage, and Ahyan beats the counterspell (24). Arbiter: “Grandmaster, time magic.” “Time is time magic. I love that, that’s my thing” (speaker 02, probably Drew/Arbiter). Alma takes 16 necrotic and Ahyan regains 16, leaning on the temple wall to stay upright.
73. 1:21:15 Alma keeps concentration, then drops Sickening Radiance anyway.
74. 1:22:12 — Redemption. The Arbiter rolls a nat 20: “Redeemed. I don’t want to hear it. Suck it, Doug.” As a reward, the Grandmaster hands him a tiny metal chair “like it belongs in a dollhouse.” “Really? Like this.” A coin flip picks Ahyan. He doesn’t even fly down; he throws it like a boomerang. It blasts a hole through the temple ceiling and hits Ahyan in the head for maximum tiny-chair damage (4). Ahyan: “ow!” “Is it raining chairs out there?”
75. 1:23:51 Ahyan picks up the dollhouse chair, now their one and only weapon. “This seems to hurt a lot.”

New round 2 — the end

76. 1:24:23 Alma’s expression simmers down and turns intense and focused. “Professor, have you given up yet…?” Ahyan: “No, and I wish that you would stop too, but it’s clear that you don’t want to, so give me your best shot, Alma. Prove to me that you’re worth this position.”
77. 1:24:55 — Potions class. Alma: “do you remember potions class from three years ago?… You gave me an A- in potions.” Ahyan: “You were good at mixing potions, but you always seem to make them a little bit too potent… When you were supposed to just put people to sleep for four hours, you ended up knocking them out for a whole day, which is not the assignment.” Alma: “Well, I know my brand of potion making wasn’t for you, but… this next trick will be right up your sleeve.”
78. 1:25:29 Insect Plague fills Ahyan’s corner. Ahyan rolls a 2 and takes 15 piercing from the locusts. “That hurts me so much, Professor.”
79. 1:26:33 — Permission. Ahyan falls to their knees, down to their last hit point and covered in locusts. Their long blue hair covers their face, but their eyes look through a gap in it with determination, and they give Alma permission.
80. 1:27:16 — The kill. Their eyes lock through the swarm. Alma makes finger guns and fires a single Quickened Magic Missile. In slow motion it homes around every locust, “straight into their beloved professor’s heart.”
81. 1:28:10 Ahyan, pierced: “I’m proud of you, Alma.” They fall, defeated.
82. 1:28:34 Pure silence. The crowd’s arms drop, the banners lower and jaws hang open. The Grandmaster opens her wings, sheds the parka and drops to the ground. “Arbiter, take our kind professor off the field.”
83. 1:29:11 The Arbiter lands beside Ahyan: “It was a pretty good fight. I respect the time magic, especially, but, you know, the underdog.” He slumps Ahyan’s body over his shoulder and flies off.
84. 1:29:36 — The Grandmaster to Alma. She praises Alma for never giving up despite the hits, the blindness and being held, “and even hardest among it all, the pleas… of not only your professor, but one you cared for.” She holds out her hand. Alma wipes away a few tears, then grabs it energetically. “It is you that kept us warm, that kept our hearts ablaze.” She lifts Alma into the sky before the Acolytes.
85. 1:31:38 — Alma’s victory speech: “when the fight was looking grim early, that was merely what I wanted. I could have stopped that hold person… I, Alma, was truly a Champion of the people, and I swear I will not take this banner lightly. I will prove to you all that I, Alma, am the greatest sorcerer of all time.”
86. 1:32:16 The crowd throws slushies, and the cotton candy blows into a rainbow tornado swirl. The Grandmaster: “Remember this fight! Remember both their names! …it is not strangers that make us grow stronger, but those closest to us… who you bring around you will always be the ones who can make you better.” “Welcome and good night to D20 Deathmatch!”

Dried Blood (after-show)

In-character (canon, source: Dried Blood). Inferred from the voice and content: the players answer as their characters for most of it.

• 1:34:08 The Grandmaster calls Ahyan “freshly raised from the dead.” Ahyan: “I was not expecting to be raised from the dead. This is a strange feeling… it still follows the rules.” Arbiter: “You get used to it.”
• 1:34:28 Ahyan: “I am proud of Alma… I didn’t think that you had it in you… I think you do deserve the position after all. So congratulations, Alma. I hope that your career as an assassin is illustrious.”
• 1:35:00 Alma: “I have learned so much from you and I will do you proud when I assassin people, assassinate people with all this badass magic that I’ve acquired from you.” Grandmaster: “we’re still working on the terminology.”
• 1:35:22 The Grandmaster suggests Alma retake potions class for an A+. Alma: “This fight could have ended a different way if that A minus turned to an A.” Ahyan: “Look, I have integrity… I stand by my grade from before.”
• 1:36:54 Ahyan: “If you have Counterspell, then of course I have Counterspell, Alma.”
• 1:37:02 Alma never learned Vampiric Touch (“the vampire suck spell”). Ahyan: “if you had waited just a little bit longer, I would have taught it to you.” Alma: “I was on a timer… I got the big book of magic… and Locust, that’s cool. I didn’t even show you my Wall of Light.” Ahyan: “now you can teach your own students the Wall of Light.”
• 1:38:42 Alma hints at something “weird” in their first year (“it wasn’t actually a teacher… nevermind”). Ahyan: “Those are secrets for another story.” Grandmaster: “The Diary of Alma.” (in-character status uncertain)

Out-of-character (creator notes).

• 1:35:47 Drew: one of the most creative matches in the Grandmaster’s arena, and “in now three seasons, it is the first time anyone has ever decided to use Counterspell.”
• 1:36:20 Erica was worried when she saw Ahyan’s player had the spell too. Drew compares the darkness parting to Avatar.
• 1:37:40 Drew jokes he’ll homebrew “Vampiric Suck.” There are riffs on vampires with a Capri Sun straw.
• 1:39:38 Parting advice. Ahyan’s player: “Don’t be afraid to get creative with spells and use them in ways that they’re not meant to be used.” Erica: “don’t be afraid to take some major L’s early on.”

Who and what appears

Characters

Alma (Erica). Earth genasi “student of wild magic sorcery,” Ahyan’s former student. Pronouns mix they and she at the table.

• Look: gray skin cracked like dried mud, charcoal black hair, gray and white elven armor; hyper, wild-eyed, cocky.
• Background: studied under Ahyan at an academy, which Ahyan later names the Academy of Assassins. Got an A− in potions class three years ago; their potions were always too potent. Learned from “the big book of magic”; never learned Vampiric Touch; has a Wall of Light spell they never showed Ahyan.
• Spells used: Fire Bolt, Dimension Door, Gust of Wind, Immolation, Darkness, Counterspell ×2, Sickening Radiance, Insect Plague, Magic Missile, Quickened Spell.
• In this episode: wins the position they were fighting for and vows to be “the greatest sorcerer of all time.”

Ahyan (spelling uncertain). Minotaur mentor and professor of Alma.

• Look: gold bands and rings pierced through the horns; long, wavy, ever-flowing blue hair; bandaged forearms.
• Background: graduated from the academy and received a ceremonial dagger, which they sacrificed to the Box. Recruits for the Academy of Assassins (“we have benefits”). Never liked snow (per Alma).
• Powers: time magic (Restore Balance, turning back time within their own body). Spells used: Mage Armor, Hold Person, Lightning Lure, Vampiric Touch ×2 (Distant Spell), Counterspell, Summon Undead, Misty Step ×2, Thunderclap.
• Gear: wears Gerald’s armor of resistance (force resistance, +1 AC, a blue-lightning sleeveless chest piece). Their weapons went to the sky magnet; they ended the fight holding the tiny metal chair.
• In this episode: first champion (per Gerald) ever to thank him. Gave Alma permission and died to the Magic Missile saying “I’m proud of you.” Raised from the dead afterward (Dried Blood).

The Arbiter (Drew).

• Punished: wears chains, must knock, and sits on a wooden crate with a deflated D20 cushion. He “tried to overthrow the Dread Fortress… like two months ago.”
• Duties: in charge of the budget; does the Grandmaster’s taxes by coloring in the boxes.
• In the arena: chair-dived Ahyan for 1, then hit him with the tiny chair for 4. Summoned the blizzard with his breath. Flashed a wolf face barking at Doug. A fan of the underdog who respects time magic.

Grandmaster Elusia Skypiercer (Bec).

• Home life: hosts a pre-show party. Doesn’t know what a budget is; wants cotton candy renamed “cloud candy.”
• The temples: the Acolytes have built many temples to her; this one is to be rebuilt.
• Age: “Not a day over 3000,” according to the Arbiter.
• In the arena: dove with a metal chair on Alma. Refused Ahyan’s plea for mercy. Wore a parka in the blizzard.

Gerald (Drew). The shadowy, yellow-eyed being in the Box of Chaos.

• Took the ceremonial dagger and gave the armor of resistance; also gave a healing potion as “my business card.”
• Email: “Gerald1972 at yahoo.com.”
• Struck a Marilyn Monroe pose; plans to take the assassin academy job.

Doug the Pug (Bec). Rolls a plush D20 for the Arbiter (13, then 10), does a booty shake, and is not intimidated by the Arbiter’s bark. His throne is a mini Grandmaster throne set higher than the Arbiter’s.

Thomas and Jerry (goblins). Jerry is a vegetarian (carrots and celery); his mother had bunions. Jerry requested the sky magnet.

The 203 goblins of the staff, each with a pet chinchilla.

The summoned spirit: “an old champion” from the ground beneath the temple, counterspelled back down.

The paparazzi Acolytes: includes the man with the Grandmaster’s face tattooed on his stomach.

Places

• The Dread Fortress halls and the Grandmaster’s throne room.
• The Grandmaster’s temple: one of many built by the Acolytes. It is a stone temple with holes in the roof and torches inside, an east courtyard with two Grandmaster statues, and a sky pillar with a 75+ ft drop. It’s due for renovation, and now has a chair hole in the ceiling.
• The Academy of Assassins: Ahyan’s and Alma’s academy, with graduation ceremonial daggers, potions class, employee “benefits,” and a “position” or promotion at stake (inferred from 0:06:42, 0:11:49, 0:24:29, 0:39:32, 1:34:28).

Items

• The sky magnet: silver, tree-ring disc on a chain, installed last fall. It holds Ahyan’s dagger, knife, hammer, manacles and steel mirror.
• Ahyan’s ceremonial dagger, sacrificed to the Box.
• Armor of resistance (from Gerald).
• Gerald’s healing potion with his email on it.
• Two large metal chairs and one tiny dollhouse metal chair (now Ahyan’s).
• Doug’s plush D20.
• The Arbiter’s chains and D20 stadium cushion.
• The Grandmaster’s parka.

Lore statements

• The Arbiter is under punishment (chains, knocking) for trying to overthrow the Dread Fortress about two months earlier (Grandmaster, 0:57:31).
• The Arbiter is the Grandmaster’s “number two” and “last place.”
• The Dread Fortress staffs 203 goblins.
• The ground beneath the temple holds many undead, including old champions (0:07:05).
• Counterspell was used in the arena for the first time (Arbiter in-world at 1:08:23; Drew repeats it out of character).
• Fallen champions can be raised afterward. Ahyan was “not expecting to be raised from the dead.”

Quotes by character

Alma

• 0:04:40 “It is I, Alma, the student of wild magic sorcery.”
• 0:05:18 “Tonight, I will prove once and for all that I have become not the student, but the master.”
• 0:08:29 “I know that you have gotten weak with all your years… because you’re old and you don’t have a very good memory anymore.”
• 0:22:23 “You think I will [forfeit to] you? Never! You just have to kill me!”
• 0:29:54 “I’m just, I’m waiting to make my move. This is all, it’s part of the plan.”
• 0:49:19 “You should have never let me go, professor. You should have never let me go.”
• 0:50:46 “Is this not the bloodshed that you’ve asked for?”
• 0:55:48 “I’ve got you right where I want you. I’m just letting you think you’re gonna win.”
• 1:08:00 “No, not today. Go back into the ground.”
• 1:11:12 “You gotta be a little faster than that to get an old Alma.”
• 1:16:22 “It’s awfully cold out there in the darkness, isn’t it, with all that snow? I know you never really liked snow anyway.”
• 1:25:08 “You gave me an A- in potions. Do you remember that?”
• 1:31:38 “I will prove to you all that I, Alma, am the greatest sorcerer of all time.”

Ahyan

• 0:06:12 “I thought I taught you better than to boast.”
• 0:06:42 “I feel like I failed as a mentor after all of these years.”
• 0:19:26 “I see you haven’t learned to wait your turn.”
• 0:21:21 “Alma, don’t go anywhere.”
• 0:22:23 “I taught you everything you know, you fool!”
• 0:33:24 “You embarrass me, Alma. I taught you how to get rid of this.”
• 0:38:59 “Thank you, Gerald. This will come in handy.”
• 0:39:32 “Well, it’s for the Academy of Assassins… we have benefits. It seems like nobody really appreciates you here.”
• 0:47:52 “What is a selfie? Do you want a shelf?”
• 0:56:02 “Have mercy on Alma… Don’t you have any, any empathy for them?”
• 1:05:02 “All right then, if you want to fight, like the Grandmaster said, I will honor your decision.”
• 1:18:39 “It isn’t very nice to treat your elders that way.”
• 1:28:10 “I’m proud of you, Alma.”
• 1:34:17 (Dried Blood) “I was not expecting to be raised from the dead. This is a strange feeling.”

The Arbiter

• 0:01:55 “Do you even know what the word budget means?”
• 0:02:58 “Everyone knows that goblins eat bunnies. Not chinchillas. That’s absurd.”
• 0:03:59 “They needed to fight to the death anyway, so I figured… two birds, one stone.”
• 0:09:00 “Not a day over 3000.”
• 0:16:37 “Plus the resale value on it just, you know, it holds its value the whole time.”
• 0:57:20 “I can’t roll dice with these chains. Maybe you could just take them off for like just 10 minutes.”
• 0:59:42 “I’ve been coloring in the boxes. That’s what you’re supposed to do, right?”
• 1:13:37 “I feel like it’s a little hot out, Grandmaster.”
• 1:22:12 “Redeemed. I don’t want to hear it. Suck it, Doug.”
• 1:29:11 “It was a pretty good fight. I respect the time magic, especially, but, you know, the underdog.”

Grandmaster Elusia Skypiercer

• 0:00:25 “Not only are you still my number two, but you’re also last place because remember, if you’re not first, you’re last.”
• 0:02:01 “Numbers. I don’t know, that’s why I have you still around.”
• 0:10:16 “Why don’t they call it cloud candy? Cotton doesn’t look like that to me.”
• 0:10:16 “One of the many temples that they’ve built to me… feel free to destroy it.”
• 0:11:00 “True to my name and true to my temple, spill blood here.”
• 0:39:47 “Always network. You never know.”
• 0:44:42 “We recycle everything. We’re very green in this place.”
• 0:56:24 “In all of life we are fools and the only thing that we can do is fight for ourselves and fight for what we want.”
• 0:57:31 “You tried to overthrow the Dread Fortress. That was like two months ago.”
• 0:59:31 “Are you illiterate? You do our taxes.”
• 1:30:55 “It is you that kept us warm, that kept our hearts ablaze.”
• 1:32:16 “It is not strangers that make us grow stronger, but those closest to us.”

Gerald

• 0:35:56 “Why is your lightning on me?”
• 0:36:07 “Ooh, a ceremonial dagger… I could use one of these. I’ll be right back.”
• 0:39:03 “You might be the first person to ever say thank you.”
• 0:48:53 “Gonna take that new job at this assassin’s place.”

Jerry the goblin (speaker uncertain, tagged 00)

• 0:03:06 “I’m a vegetarian, Arbiter!”

Canon notes

• Ages are jokes. Nobody truly knows how old the Grandmaster or the Arbiter is. State no number.