D20 Deathmatch Wiki

S3E12 — Blood Puppets — Basil Herringbone v Befferfoot

Properties1
tagsepisode, season-3

28 min read

Champions and playersCucumber (Perception Studio) as Basil Herringbone; Chunk (Perception Studio) as Befferfoot (spelling uncertain)
ResultBasil Herringbone (a nat-20 kick with his Dawnbringer leg)
Arenathe Grandmaster’s “cave of wonders” (a cave with a waterfall-blocked exit and tadpole puddles, a stadium overhead), then a deeper, unexplored chamber of the same cave
HostsCaustic Phoenix (Grandmaster Elusia Skypiercer) and Mudcat (narration, the Arbiter, Gerald, the Boggarts’ and frogs’ mechanics)
WatchYouTube

What happens

Opening: the lost crown

  1. 0:01:16 “Welcome to D20 Deathmatch!” The Grandmaster thinks the delivery was “a little overdone.” The Arbiter insists it was “perfectly done.”
  2. 0:01:40 In the halls of the Dread Fortress, with its dank air and clanking noise, goblins scurry about their business. The Arbiter goes looking for the Grandmaster.
  3. 0:02:11 — The crown is missing. The Grandmaster is searching everywhere: “I can’t find my crown! Have you seen my crown?” Goblins are looking under pillows and under the bed. She takes it off to sleep: “It’s not an appendage that has just grown out of my skull.” When the Arbiter calls it the symbol of her power, she answers: “No, I am the symbol of power and authority. The crown is just a pretty jewel.”
  4. 0:02:51 The Arbiter: “it’s a recession. You just can’t find crowns in this economy.” She asks whether he, Thomas, Nathaniel or one of the goblins has seen it. He offers to ask around, but warns that a thief won’t be forthcoming.
  5. 0:03:17 The Grandmaster gives up for now: “I’ll make one from the bones of whoever died.”
  6. 0:03:36 — Introductions. The Arbiter claps, rips open a portal, and the two champions walk through laser lights and fog. He introduces “Basil Herringbone! And… Befferfoot!”
  7. 0:04:07 Basil corrects the pronunciation of his name (“with a bath, not a bathe,” as transcribed). The Arbiter thought he was “some sort of ornamental… food item.” Basil: “I am quite delicious, yes.”
  8. 0:04:24 Befferfoot, a half-orc: “I here to kill, I here to maim, I here to destroy.” The Arbiter adds: “Destroy grammar, it sounds like.”
  9. 0:04:38 The Grandmaster asks “whose bones am I going to use as my next crown?” Befferfoot says he is bigger, stronger and faster, and calls Basil “puny rabbit.”
  10. 0:05:11 — Rabbit boy man. Basil calls himself a “rabbit boy man” and explains: “It’s a transitional period for me.” The Grandmaster asks if he’s going through puberty, and he says “Yes!” The Arbiter: “You can’t just ask him about that kind of stuff. It’s very personal.” Befferfoot: “Your hormonal change will be your undoing.” Basil says it only makes him angrier.

The arena: the cave of wonders

  1. 0:06:18 The Arbiter claps again. The sound waves ripple visibly, and the portal lets in a smell of dark, musty “cave air” (the Grandmaster heard “cave hair”).
  2. 0:06:48 The Grandmaster welcomes them to “my cave of wonders,” realizes it sounds weird, and says she’ll rename it (“Name in progress”). The Arbiter keeps up the innuendo: “very sexual… Nothing but whips and flails… Of pleasure.” She orders: “Look at me when I’m talking to the two of you.”
  3. 0:07:39 The cave has high, echoing walls. Its one exit is a tall, man-made stone archway behind a vicious, loud, roaring waterfall. Puddles stand everywhere, dotted with tiny tadpoles. “Do not rush to the kill. Give us a show.”
  4. 0:08:42 She rockets straight up. Above the cave there is no ceiling, only a large stadium. The Acolytes cheer and toss down buttery popcorn. She takes her seat next to Doug the pug.
  5. 0:09:07 The Acolytes have already triggered a chaos event. The Grandmaster: “What the frick, Frax? People, keep your panties on!” Underwear and bras rain down on the champions. Basil: “Please continue.” The event is set for the end of round 1. “It’s getting hot in here already.”
  6. 0:09:49 The Arbiter levitates the champions to opposite sides of the cave, 35 ft apart. He spreads his white wings, which glow even inside the cave, and takes his seat beside her, still wearing his chains. He hints that they should come off (“I’ve been on really good behavior all season… this is a formality, right? I can still do magic”). She pretends not to hear him.

Round 1

  1. 0:11:04 — The nat 1. Basil casts Chill Touch and rolls a nat 1. His ghostly skeletal hand chills the cave, and the stalactites freeze and crack. One falls on him, but he dodges it easily. The rest still dangle, threatening to drop, and tiny ice rocks litter his feet.
  2. 0:12:12 “If you see what I’ll do to me, just wait till you see what I’ll do to you.” His second Chill Touch hits. Befferfoot: “Tickle, tickle.”
  3. 0:12:47 — Nipples. Icicles form on Befferfoot’s body. The Grandmaster: “Are you wearing a shirt or are your nipples really just showing right now?” Befferfoot: “They’re very sharp.” He has two daggers but says he’ll use his nipples, then closes up his vest.
  4. 0:13:13 Befferfoot “laughs at your stupid face” and fires back a fire bolt for 16. The Grandmaster: “Game of Thrones be damned. This is the song of fire and ice.”
  5. 0:13:56 — Hellish Rebuke. Basil: “I think, I think, I think I have Hellish Rebuke.” Befferfoot: “If you say it enough times, it means you have it.” Befferfoot fails the save and takes a big hit. The Grandmaster: “No touching!… As long as you never hit him, you’ll be fine.” The Arbiter predicts they’ll kill each other right away.
  6. 0:15:40 — The waterfall. Basil asks whether the winner goes through the waterfall. The Grandmaster: “When you win… I’ll show you what’s on the other side of the waterfall.”
  7. 0:16:14 Basil uses Rabbit Hop (“Boing”) to leap 20 ft up onto a rock stand. The water is ankle- to knee-deep.
  8. 0:17:36 — Chaos: the alien abduction. Drew rolls by mistake (“I forgot that you mattered”). The Grandmaster lets the underdog, Befferfoot, roll: “Make it a good one. Or I’m just gonna banish you.” A small silver disc zigzags down, leaving a prismatic trail, and fires a tractor beam. Basil grips the rocks and stays put. Befferfoot is pulled up. The aliens teach him their ways with books and scrolls and give him +2 Intelligence. They throw him back down “smarter, but your forehead is noticeably larger now… Big, big head, big brain, very ugly.” The ship zips off to outer space.
  9. 0:20:16 Befferfoot: “A lot smarter now than I was before. You should be afraid.” When asked what books he read: “The thick ones with the little letters.” Basil: “They just gave him Excel sheets.” The Arbiter: “I think Befferfoot might be a Rhodes Scholar now.”
  10. 0:21:03 The Arbiter: “Grandmaster, what’s in your cup there? Are you drunk?” The Grandmaster: “I think I gave him my plus intelligence. Mine went down somehow.”

Round 2: the Box of Chaos and the leg

  1. 0:21:13 The Acolytes award each champion a hero point.
  2. 0:21:40 — The Box of Chaos. It falls like a comet into the water, which sizzles and steams. Yellow and pink flames rise in a pillar, yet the cave stays chilly. “Sacrifice something, anything!” The Arbiter: “all you have to do is put something into the box in this cave of wonders.” The Grandmaster: “Stop.”
  3. 0:22:48 Basil’s Chill Touch misses, then hits on a second try (“For spite!”). Befferfoot casts shield. The Grandmaster: “We are officially rebranding shield to the coward spell.”
  4. 0:23:54 Basil leaps for the box and glides down with Feather Fall “like a sugar glider.” They debate “man boy rabbit” versus “rabbit boy man.”
  5. 0:24:22 — Gerald. Shadowy fingers reach out of the box, and two yellow eyes poke out of the lid. Basil asks for “something that I can hit him really fucking hard with.” He offers “my left leg from the knee down.” Gerald hands him a saw.
  6. 0:25:04 “I’m kinda squeamish. Hold on there, Befferfoot.” Befferfoot: “You take your time. I wait.” Basil bites down on his quarterstaff and hacks off his own leg. Blood goes everywhere, feeding the tadpoles. Gerald: “Just hand it to me… I get queasy at the sight of blood.” Basil holds it by the foot so the blood pours all over Gerald’s face. “I think you’re low on iron.”
  7. 0:25:54 Basil stands bleeding from the stump. The water turns murky red, and the tadpoles come to eat the nutrients from his blood. The Grandmaster asks: “Are they tadpoles or leeches?”
  8. 0:28:04 — Dawnbringer. Gerald comes up holding a longsword. Seeing Basil bleeding, he wraps it in shadowy magic and reforms it into a metal leg that Basil attaches. This is Dawnbringer, with the properties of a sun blade. Its kicks deal radiant damage and extra damage to undead. The Grandmaster: “Everyone has a longsword.”
  9. 0:29:39 — The tadpoles adopt him. Basil tickles the tadpoles and makes a good animal handling check. They now see him as their feeder and will follow him while he’s in the water. Basil: “Hello, my children.”
  10. 0:30:06 — Chaos: more underwear. More underwear falls, and Befferfoot eats it: “I don’t know how underwear work… Anything is edible if you can digest… Half-orc things.” The Grandmaster tells the Acolytes to throw something edible. They throw down vegan, free-range edible underwear, bees(?), beer and pineapple pizza. The next event is set for the end of Befferfoot’s turn.
  11. 0:31:43 Befferfoot misty-steps across, out of the bloody water, and fire-bolts Basil from behind “because he’s stupid.” Befferfoot: “Calm down, Homeslice.” Basil: “Guess what? I’m a Hellish Rebuke you again. You son of a bitch! Sucker!” When asked how he aims backwards: “My little rabbit ears… point out the back of my head… like a tuning fork.” Befferfoot saves for half.
  12. 0:34:01 Befferfoot walks 30 ft east along the water’s edge, refusing to “poop in the gross water… It’s got its blood on it.” The Grandmaster: “It smells weird, too.”
  13. 0:34:33 The Arbiter on the end of the round: “You’re not wearing the crown. It’s easy [to challenge you].”

Chaos: the Boggarts

  1. 0:34:55 Basil rolls the chaos. Basil makes his perception check; Befferfoot rolls a nat 1 (“I’m a prey animal,” Basil says). In the dark west side of the cave, two shadows stir and slip into the light.
  2. 0:35:49 Basil’s greatest fear is “a really big garden snake. Like, not venomous… the little green ones that bite your fingies and hang on for way too long… big enough to eat me.” His shadow becomes a long, large green snake.
  3. 0:36:33 Befferfoot’s fear is “Bees. But only like two at a time.” Basil adds that Befferfoot is highly allergic, and Befferfoot agrees. Two tiny bees sneak up behind him unseen. (Table: Drew has no bee tokens.)

Round 3

  1. 0:38:14 Basil “loses his freaking mind.” He spends a ki point on step of the wind plus Rabbit Hop and leaps 40 ft onto the north wall across the water. The Grandmaster calls him “Super Bunny.”
  2. 0:39:00 He readies his new leg “like a pump action… glowy sword leg thing,” then casts witch bolt from the wall using a long-range feat. Befferfoot shields the second blast.
  3. 0:40:22 “My children, feed!” The tadpoles hurl themselves at the snake, swimming backwards for a charge. “Unfortunately, they’re tadpoles, so they don’t really do anything.” Basil: “Are you saying this cave of wonders is full of little swimmers?”
  4. 0:41:23 The Arbiter reminds Befferfoot of uncanny dodge and evasion. Befferfoot: “It’s a long game.”
  5. 0:41:52 Befferfoot runs to the waterfall and shoots a short bow “because he can’t hellish rebuke that.” It misses.
  6. 0:42:33 — Rolando. Befferfoot kneels to pet Rolando, his Corgi emotional-support animal: “Sometimes I get a little overwhelmed at fights, and he’s here to just kind of calm me down.” Rolando’s tail wags and panting heal him. “You’re a good dog, Rolando.” Rolando: “Woof.” “It’s French… Le Woof.”
  7. 0:43:49 Befferfoot spots the two bees, which “make a beeline towards you.” He screams at the top of his lungs until he runs out of air, and the bees are drawn to the scream.
  8. 0:44:56 — Doug ties. The Arbiter’s end-of-round roll is a 9. “Poor performance.” Doug the pug pops up and throws his own squeaky d20, also a 9. The Grandmaster: “Suck it! You tied with a dog!” The Arbiter: “No, he tied with me!”

Round 4

  1. 0:45:47 Basil keeps the witch bolt going. Befferfoot uses uncanny dodge. Basil holds concentration “woozy” from blood loss and creeps along the wall to keep the high ground. The Grandmaster: “You learn from Obi-Wan, your master.”
  2. 0:48:13 — The hero-point teleport. Befferfoot spends his hero point to misty-step 20 ft up onto Basil’s wall in a puff of blue and stabs him “right for the gut.” The Arbiter rules it’s a sneak attack because Basil didn’t expect the teleport.
  3. 0:49:31 Basil spends his hero point on another Hellish Rebuke. The Grandmaster names it “the Heroic Rebuke.” Befferfoot saves and uncanny-dodges, taking little.
  4. 0:51:07 Basil tells him to “take a little hike… Away from the bees. You know bees can fly, right?” Befferfoot: “they’re not very fast.” The snake and bees reach the base of the wall.
  5. 0:51:53 — Artisan underwear. More vegan edible underwear falls; it’s “artisan” underwear. Both eat it and heal a little. “Who wouldn’t?”
  6. 0:52:46 — Chaos: enlargement. After a number-picking muddle, “as you munch on that underwear, that you probably bought from an OnlyFans account,” both stomachs roar. Both champions grow one size larger: Basil to Large, Befferfoot above Large. The stone gives way under their weight. They slide down on either side, each facing their own Boggart. Their bones strengthen and each heals 13. The Arbiter: “As you both enlarge in this cave of wonders.” The Grandmaster calls a break: “Let’s all go cleanse our mind.”

After the break (0:55:13): Round 5

  1. 0:55:13 The Arbiter welcomes the Acolytes back, with both champions “enlarged in this cave. Feeling thick and girthy.” Basil: “Now I’m truly a bunny man.”
  2. 0:56:32 — Basil kills his fear. He kicks the snake-Boggart with Dawnbringer. The radiant damage does double against it (“It’s not a real snake”). “Kick it a lot. Cuss a lot.” The Grandmaster: “Listen, you’re just a boy. You watch your language.” Basil: “I’m a bunny man!” Flurry of Blows follows, “kick, kick, slap.”
  3. 0:59:18 “The snake opens up to try to eat me, but it can’t gomp gomp my arm because I’m too big now. I take my fingers in a chop position… ka-chop… splitting it down until it curls backwards like one of those party favors.” It poofs into black smoke.
  4. 1:00:06 Befferfoot looks at the bees, then at Basil, then the bees again, and goes for Basil. He stabs Basil with sneak attack (Basil was fighting the snake) and then, as a crossbow expert, fires his crossbow. Basil deflects the missile on a tied roll-off, taking a quarter.
  5. 1:02:36 — Henry and Henrietta. The bees get opportunity attacks. The Grandmaster names them Henry and Henrietta, a couple, or “brother and sister. I don’t know.” Henrietta stings: “Yes, get him, Henrietta!… And she dies. That’s the kind of B they are.” Befferfoot fails his save and becomes allergic, taking poison damage at the start of each turn. The bees die.
  6. 1:04:09 Befferfoot pets Rolando again for healing (“He brought his own healing creature… Boo hiss”).
  7. 1:04:33 The Grandmaster asks about Basil’s “little dragon… chameleon thing.” It’s his pseudodragon, “just there in spirit” because “I burned up my spell slots too fast.” “He’s got little pom-poms.” The Arbiter: “Would you say you blew your magical load too early?”

The Arbiter’s chaos: the deeper cave and the giant frog

  1. 1:05:25 The Arbiter rolls a nat 20 and may trigger his own chaos. He smirks, raises a hand and closes it. The waterfall archway and the cave ceiling begin to crumble. Both champions save, but are forced into the deepest, previously unexplored part of the cave. “They said this cave was impregnable.”
  2. 1:07:13 — The frog. “Because you have a connection to the tadpoles, Basil, out of the water from behind this rock… appears a giant frog.” It wraps its tongue around Basil and pulls him into its mouth, where he can’t be hurt. He can’t attack from inside, so Befferfoot must hack through the frog. Basil: “I like being in the frog… He really did take all of me, who knew?” Initiative is rerolled.
  3. 1:08:59 Inside, Basil catches up on his magazines: “Drunken Master Weekly. It’s like, well, what are the best gourds to drink out of before you go and punch a bunch of people in the face?”
  4. 1:09:40 Befferfoot reads the frog with animal handling: “formidable, but unmoving.” He gently tries to pull its jaw open and fails; the jaws “hold it tight.”
  5. 1:11:04 — The gig. “While I’m here and it thinks I’m being gentle.” He stabs his short sword up through its chin on a nat 20. The Grandmaster explains gigging (stabbing frogs in the swamp and eating the legs). “The sword… comes out the top of his head… slicing through its head… the face splits open in half and I make eye contact with Basil inside.” Basil: “I’m flipping him off while kicking my legs and reading my book.”
  6. 1:12:45 The Grandmaster produces her own frog hand puppet to visualize it, then cuts it in half: “Can your hand puppets do that? Didn’t think so.” The Arbiter: “Don’t worry, she’s just upset because she can’t find her crown.”
  7. 1:13:14 — Rolando runs away. Befferfoot fires his crossbow at Basil and rolls a nat 1. The bolt lands at Rolando’s feet. He whimpers and flees, unhurt but terrified. Befferfoot: “I didn’t mean it, Rolando… I’m gonna have to buy him snacks and stuff.” Rolando, in Drew’s voice: “I am, how you say, getting the fuck out of here.” Rolando joins the Grandmaster up top next to Doug the pug with plenty of treats. “He may have found his new home who will not shoot him.” (Out of character, they argue Ronaldo versus Rolando.)

Round 6

  1. 1:15:33 As the frog peels away, Basil casts poison spray at Befferfoot “for destroying my protective friend.” Then Chill Touch: “I sit on my spectral hand until I can’t really feel anything, and then I settle it over.” He bunny-hops 20 ft up the wall.
  2. 1:17:15 — Bee-Man. Befferfoot takes the poison, then passes his save. His natural immunities kick in and he is no longer allergic to bees. The Grandmaster: “Bees are your friends now!” Befferfoot: “I shall call upon them one day.” The Arbiter: “Your whole genetic code modifies. It’s like a Spider-Man, Morbius-type situation.” The Grandmaster: “We have Bunny-Man and Bee-Man now. This is the weirdest fight.”
  3. 1:18:37 — Basil eats an arrow. Befferfoot shoots his crossbow again. Basil wins the deflect roll-off (26 vs 25) and catches it: “You dare? I eat it because I have rodent teeth.” It heals him. The Grandmaster: “You have some fiber in your system now… Vegan candied underpants and arrows.”

Pet frogs

  1. 1:20:43 The Arbiter rolls a 5: “All good things come to an end.” The Grandmaster spices things up: “Arbiter, give both of these each their own frog.” These are giant frogs like the first, rideable mounts: “I see them as being responsible pet owners.” They can jump 20 ft long or 10 ft high.
  2. 1:22:17 Basil witch-bolts Befferfoot in the face. He whispers “sweet, friendly, lovey things” to his frog (“my dear sweet child… Attack!… Devour!”) and kisses it on the head. The Grandmaster tells him to name it, and he names it Geronimo. He fails the animal handling check, and Geronimo “just kind of croaks… pops forward just a half step.”
  3. 1:23:55 “I pull a Han Solo.” Basil abandons Geronimo, ki-jumping 40 ft back up the wall: “forget this frog, I need to live.” The Grandmaster: “You think these come pre-trained?… They’re wild frogs from a cave.” He witch-bolts Befferfoot again.
  4. 1:25:13 — Frog on frog. Befferfoot can’t reach Basil, so the Arbiter suggests his frog jump off Basil’s abandoned frog to launch him to the height. While asking for the check, Drew’s “animal handling” comes out sounding like “anal handling.” The Grandmaster: “We all heard it.” The Arbiter: “You successfully anal handled this frog.”
  5. 1:26:35 At the top of the jump, Befferfoot slashes Basil (“Stupid bunny man”). Then he tries to load his crossbow mid-air, rolls another nat 1, and tumbles off the frog onto his back on a rock. The Grandmaster: “That’s what you get for doing anal handling.” Basil: “Don’t want to make peace with your god?” “We’ll see.”

Round 8: the final round

  1. 1:27:59 “We don’t even have any more round cards.” The Grandmaster: “Fight to the very death at this moment. Look at your opponent in their weird eyeballs.”
  2. 1:28:32 — Insults. Befferfoot: “You’re gonna die, stupid bunny man!” Basil: “You’re on your back on a rock, you fucking moron!” Befferfoot: “I’m no good with words, but you die!”
  3. 1:28:56 — The kick from on high. Basil worries about his knees (“I only have one left”). He spends a ki point and jumps up another 20 ft, then drops 40 ft with his Sun Sword leg out. The first kick lands, and Befferfoot shields. Basil takes fall damage: “Ow, my one knee!”
  4. 1:31:14 — The kill. Basil kicks again with advantage, since Befferfoot is prone on the rock, and rolls a nat 20 that busts through the shield. “Murder, death, kill.” Befferfoot drops to zero: “I’m dead.”
  5. 1:32:17 — Befferfoot’s last thoughts. The shield shatters like falling glass, and life slows for Befferfoot. “All I wanted was to earn some money so I could buy Mama a birthday present. And now she’s not going to have no birthday present.” The Grandmaster: “I thought you were going to buy yourself some teeth.”
  6. 1:33:10 — The birthday card. Befferfoot pulls out a birthday card and hands it to Basil: “Please, please deliver this for me.” Basil says “Yoink.” He shakes the blood, guts and brain matter off it. It has an address on the outside. “I’ll make sure to get this. Thank you very much for the win… She gonna be mad.”
  7. 1:34:01 — Rolando’s new owner. Rolando rushes down to Basil: “Hello there, puppy! I promise I won’t shoot you!” After a good animal handling check, Rolando takes his place by Basil’s side. Invited to rename him, Basil names him “Bethabitch” (later “Befferbitch”).
  8. 1:35:06 — Sign-off. The crowd erupts. Doug barks cheers. The Grandmaster opens her wings: “Acolytes. Today, glory has been witnessed in my stupid cave of wonders. Remember what happened here, for we will never return to these grounds again. Welcome and good night to D20 Deathmatch.”
  9. The crown is never found this episode.

Dried Blood (after-show)

The Arbiter hosts “Cucumber and Chunk of Perception Studio.”

Possibly in character (canon, Dried Blood; flagged):

  • 1:43:23 Basil’s advice: “Always bleed out onto tadpoles. You’ll never know when it’s going to come in handy.”
  • 1:43:31 Befferfoot’s advice: “I realize that Mama would rather have me home than jewelry for birthday.” So the birthday present was jewelry (stated here only).
  • 1:43:46 The Arbiter: “they’re not gonna be able to identify your body because you don’t have any teeth.” Basil suggests putting him in a frog to hop him home. The Grandmaster: “Perfect transportation… You can really take that body across borders and planes.”

Out of character (creator notes):

  • Cucumber: “Nice to win for once.” Chunk: “since I beat him last time so viciously… I gotta let the little guy win once in a while.” This implies an earlier Chunk-over-Cucumber match.
  • All the nat 1s came from Chunk’s crossbows. Bec suggests he should have pulled out a new one named “Bianca.”
  • Basil’s build: a monk/warlock (“capital M Monk, baby warlock”), level 5/5, with a feat for spells. His patron was a genie. His escape plan was to retreat into his bottle “and float down the river.”
  • Chunk hadn’t planned to bring Rolando out and had hoped he’d be a bigger part.
  • Favorite moments: Cucumber chose befriending the tadpoles (“They showed me love. They become my children”). Chunk chose the big frogs, being “both a friend of the frog and an enemy of the frog.”
  • Drew: the frog was already part of the match before the tadpoles were introduced. Bec: “It was the frog before the tadpoles. Science.”
  • Chunk would have named his frog Fernando (or Elizabeth).
  • Drew: Basil had about 12 HP when he jumped 40 ft. Drew rolled three 1s and a 2 for the fall damage; an 11 would have killed him.
  • Bec: “tonight’s tale reminds us how much the dice tell the story.” Chunk: read your character sheet thoroughly.

Who and what appears

Characters

Basil Herringbone (Cucumber, Perception Studio). A rabbit-man (“rabbit boy man,” “bunny man”), Medium size until enlarged. He says he’s in a “transitional period,” and “yes” to puberty.

  • Lost his left leg below the knee to the Box of Chaos. He sawed it off himself with Gerald’s saw and now has Dawnbringer, a sun-blade longsword reshaped by Gerald into a metal leg that deals radiant damage.
  • Abilities: Rabbit Hop, ki (step of the wind, Flurry of Blows), deflect missiles, Feather Fall, Chill Touch, Hellish Rebuke (aimed backwards with his tuning-fork ears), long-range witch bolt, poison spray. Has a pseudodragon “there in spirit” with pom-poms.
  • Personality and lore:
    • Greatest fear: a giant garden snake.
    • Reads Drunken Master Weekly. Has rodent teeth and ate an arrow.
    • Adopted the cave’s tadpoles as “my children.”
    • Named a giant frog Geronimo, then abandoned it.
  • Gained Rolando (renamed “Bethabitch”) as his emotional-support animal.
  • Carries Befferfoot’s birthday card for “Mama,” promising to deliver it.
  • Dried Blood: a genie-pact warlock and monk.

Befferfoot (Chunk, Perception Studio). A half-orc with broken grammar (“I here to kill”).

  • Has sharp nipples.
  • Gained +2 Intelligence and a bigger forehead from an alien abduction.
  • Abilities and gear: fire bolt, shield (“the coward spell”), misty step, sneak attack, uncanny dodge, evasion, short sword, short bow, crossbow (crossbow expert).
  • Ate the thrown underwear (“Half-orc things”).
  • Greatest fear: two bees at a time. He was briefly allergic, then became immune: “Bee-Man.”
  • His Corgi Rolando was his emotional-support animal until a stray bolt scared him off.
  • Fought to buy Mama a birthday present (jewelry, per Dried Blood).
  • Killed by Basil’s nat-20 kick.

Rolando (also said “Ronaldo”). A Corgi emotional-support animal who heals with tail wags and panting and says “Le Woof.” He fled Befferfoot to sit by the Grandmaster and Doug with treats, then came down and chose Basil, who renamed him “Bethabitch.”

Grandmaster Elusia Skypiercer (Bec).

  • Lost her crown. She takes it off to sleep: “I am the symbol of power and authority.”
  • Plans to make a crown from the loser’s bones.
  • Names the arena “my cave of wonders” (rename pending), and vows never to return to it.
  • Promised to show the winner what’s beyond the waterfall; this wasn’t shown.
  • Gave each champion a giant pet frog. Owns a frog hand puppet.

The Arbiter (Drew). He is still in chains and asks to have them removed (“good behavior all season… I can still do magic”); the Grandmaster ignores him. His white wings glow. He collapsed the cave into its deeper chamber with a nat-20 chaos event. Doug tied his roll.

Doug the pug. Sits beside the Grandmaster. Throws his own squeaky d20 and barks cheers.

Gerald (the Box of Chaos’s occupant). Shadowy fingers and two yellow eyes. He handed Basil a saw, gets queasy at blood, and got a faceful of it. He forged Dawnbringer into a leg.

Henry and Henrietta. Befferfoot’s two Boggart bees, a couple or siblings. Henrietta stung him and died.

The snake Boggart. Basil’s fear made real: a large green garden snake, chopped apart “like a party favor.”

The giant frog. Drawn by Basil’s tadpole connection, it swallowed him protectively and was killed by Befferfoot’s gig through the chin. Also Geronimo (Basil’s mount) and Befferfoot’s unnamed mount.

Thomas, Nathaniel. Named by the Grandmaster as people who might have seen her crown, alongside the goblins. No further detail.

The goblins of the Dread Fortress. Scurrying about and searching for the crown.

Places

  • The Dread Fortress halls and the Grandmaster’s bedchamber (pillows, bed).
  • The cave of wonders: high echoing walls, stalactites, ankle-to-knee-deep tadpole puddles, rock stands, and one stone archway exit behind a roaring waterfall. A stadium sits above it in place of a ceiling. Its deeper, unexplored chamber was opened by the collapse.
  • What lies beyond the waterfall is unknown.
  • Mama’s home: the address on the card, unnamed.

Items

  • The Grandmaster’s crown (missing).
  • Dawnbringer: a sun blade turned into Basil’s metal leg.
  • Gerald’s saw. Basil’s left leg, now in the box.
  • Befferfoot’s birthday card for Mama.
  • Drunken Master Weekly. The Grandmaster’s frog hand puppet. Doug’s squeaky d20.
  • The Acolytes’ vegan, free-range, artisan edible underwear; beer; pineapple pizza.

Lore statements

  • The Grandmaster doesn’t wear her crown at all times; she says she herself is the symbol of power.
  • The Arbiter remains chained this season, but says he can still do magic.
  • The Box of Chaos’s Gerald can reshape a gift around the sacrifice (a sword into a leg).
  • Eating chaos-thrown underwear made both champions grow a size.

Quotes by character

Basil Herringbone

  • 0:04:19 “I am quite delicious, yes.”
  • 0:05:11 “It’s a transitional period for me, all right?”
  • 0:12:12 “If you see what I’ll do to me, just wait till you see what I’ll do to you.”
  • 0:24:31 “I would like something that I can hit him really fucking hard with, please.”
  • 0:24:50 “Listen, I’ll give you, uh, my left leg from the knee down.”
  • 0:25:53 “I think you’re low on iron.”
  • 0:29:59 “Hello, my children.”
  • 0:40:22 “My children, feed!”
  • 1:09:09 “Drunken Master Weekly. It’s like, well, what are the best gourds to drink out of before you go and punch a bunch of people in the face?”
  • 1:19:35 “You dare? I eat it because I have rodent teeth.”
  • 1:28:35 “You’re on your back on a rock, you fucking moron!”
  • 1:34:10 “Hello there, puppy! I promise I won’t shoot you!”
  • 1:34:52 “I shall name you Bethabitch.”
  • 1:43:23 (Dried Blood) “Always bleed out onto tadpoles. You’ll never know when it’s going to come in handy.”

Befferfoot

  • 0:04:24 “I here to kill, I here to maim, I here to destroy.”
  • 0:20:16 “A lot smarter now than I was before. You should be afraid.”
  • 0:20:29 “The thick ones with the little letters.”
  • 0:30:23 “I don’t know how underwear work.”
  • 0:30:42 “Anything is edible if you can digest.”
  • 0:42:44 “Rolando’s my emotional support animal. Sometimes I get a little overwhelmed at fights, and he’s here to just kind of calm me down.”
  • 0:43:26 “Rolando’s the best. You’re a good dog, Rolando.”
  • 1:14:08 “I didn’t mean it, Rolando.”
  • 1:17:54 “I shall call upon them one day.”
  • 1:28:32 “You’re gonna die, stupid bunny man!”
  • 1:28:43 “I’m no good with words, but you die!”
  • 1:32:50 “All I wanted was to earn some money so I could buy Mama a birthday present. And now she’s not going to have no birthday present.”
  • 1:33:10 “Please, please deliver this for me.”
  • 1:43:31 (Dried Blood) “I realize that Mama would rather have me home than jewelry for birthday.”

Grandmaster Elusia Skypiercer

  • 0:02:11 “I can’t find my crown! Have you seen my crown?”
  • 0:02:46 “No, I am the symbol of power and authority. The crown is just a pretty jewel.”
  • 0:03:17 “I’ll make one from the bones of whoever died.”
  • 0:06:48 “We welcome the two of you to fight to the death in my cave of wonders.”
  • 0:07:39 “Do not rush to the kill. Give us a show.”
  • 0:09:26 “What the frick, Frax? People, keep your panties on!”
  • 0:15:49 “I’ll show you what’s on the other side of the waterfall.”
  • 0:23:49 “We are officially rebranding shield to the coward spell.”
  • 0:45:24 “Suck it! You tied with a dog!”
  • 1:03:20 “And she dies. That’s the kind of B they are.”
  • 1:18:05 “We have Bunny-Man and Bee-Man now. This is the weirdest fight.”
  • 1:20:58 “Arbiter, give both of these each their own frog.”
  • 1:35:06 “Today, glory has been witnessed in my stupid cave of wonders. Remember what happened here, for we will never return to these grounds again.”

The Arbiter

  • 0:02:51 “You just can’t find crowns in this economy.”
  • 0:03:25 “We actually have two someones because that’s the way Deathmatches work.”
  • 0:10:25 “I’ve been on really good behavior all season.”
  • 0:10:31 “You know this is a formality, right? I can still do magic.”
  • 0:20:49 “I think Befferfoot might be a Rhodes Scholar now.”
  • 0:21:03 “Grandmaster, what’s in your cup there? Are you drunk?”
  • 0:34:35 “You’re not wearing the crown. It’s easy.”
  • 1:13:04 “Don’t worry, she’s just upset because she can’t find her crown.”
  • 1:17:58 “Your whole genetic code modifies. It’s like a Spider-Man, Morbius-type situation.”

Gerald (Drew)

  • 0:25:37 “Just, just, just hand it to me. I, I can’t, I get queasy at the sight of blood.”

Rolando (Drew)

  • 0:43:33 “Woof.” / “Le Woof.”
  • 1:14:08 “I am, how you say, getting the fuck out of here.”

Canon notes

  • The missing crown is out-of-character (Bec probably forgot to wear it on stream). Not a plot point.

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