S6 Ep6 — The Hunt for #2 - Part 1 — Team C (Frigidum, Bob the Barbarian, the Duke) v Billy

Champions and players	Kyle as Frigidum; Big Papa Drak (Kendrick) as Bob the Barbarian; Sensei Suplex as the Duke (“the Duke of Dookie”)
Result	the party. Billy the werewolf is killed by Bob’s “Ultimate Denim Gator”.
Arena	the Dread Fortress kitchen, then Emmery’s Tavern (main room, then the back party room)
Hosts	Mudcat (Mudcat) and Caustic Phoenix (BeccaGodsey / Caustic Phoenix), co-DMs
Watch	YouTube

What happens

Cold open and intro

1. 0:00:07 “Welcome to D20 Deathmatch! Breathe!” … “Breathe, damn it!” This is table noise before the narration.
2. 0:00:26 — Intro. “Welcome, Acolytes. As you repair your ears, you find yourself comfortably sitting in your seats, waiting high above to bear witness to today’s mission.”

The Dread Fortress kitchen — the booze is gone

3. 0:00:40 Deep in the Dread Fortress, heels clack. There is celebration, screaming, cheering. The Grandmaster walks down the hallway and bursts through the kitchen doors: “What is going on in here?” Inside she finds absolute debauchery. Goblins, chinchillas and Thea are wasted, drinking anything and everything in the Void’s kitchen. Not a single drop is left.
4. 0:01:17 Thea: “Oh, don’t tell the Arbiter. He’ll get really mad because I forgot to invite him.” The Arbiter’s Italian leather feet clack into the doorframe: “Don’t tell me what… Are you drinking without me?” Thea: “Well, we were planning to invite you, but we know that we didn’t want to.”
5. 0:01:41 The Grandmaster agrees with Thea. The Arbiter is “a bit of, well, a drink hog” who keeps all of it to himself. The Arbiter: “I am an important guy. I have a lot of stress, and I need a subsequent amount of booze that is equal to my station.” He needs “as much as my stress.” Thea: there’s zero now. Thea holds up a big mug and flips it upside down; not a drop falls.
6. 0:02:22 — The secret stash. The Arbiter tells the Grandmaster that her alcohol was in this room too. GM: “What? You mean my secret stash?” Arbiter: “It’s not really a secret when everyone in the Dread Fortress knows where it’s at.” She had hidden it behind other barrels. Not one barrel is untouched.
7. 0:03:04 — The performance review. The Arbiter clicks his pen and takes a note: “This is going in your performance review.” Thea asks if that means another five stars. She bargains: if she replaces all the alcohol, she gets the five stars. Arbiter: “If you think you can replace all of this alcohol in the next two hours, sure.”
8. 0:03:40 — Team C. “I got the Team C.” Thea claps her tiny little bony fingers and a pink spiral portal opens. She has “put together three champions who I think are going to be kick ass.”

Recruiting the champions

9. 0:03:58 — Frigidum. Thea runs through the portal and pulls back a tentacle hand: Frigidum. “Look! I brought one of my friends!” Frigidum: “I have been summoned. What am I helping you with today?” Thea explains that all the alcohol “just disappeared, you know, like how it does sometimes.”
10. 0:04:46 — Frigidum’s inventory. Frigidum opens his fridge body. The lower portion releases a rancid stench of rotting food and boiled produce. Inside are old sodas and long-expired beers. A slimy green tentacle of gelatinous waste hands one of the beers over: “Will this do for you?”
11. 0:05:24 Thea runs it across the kitchen to the Arbiter. His Italian leather boots have a bottle opener on the heel. He cracks the beer open, sips: “Exquisitely fermented.” Then he pours it over Thea’s head. The Grandmaster calls that rude. Arbiter: “This is what she deserves. This is toxic sludge, and no one should be drinking this.” Thea: “So this counts as my bath for the week, right?” Arbiter: “You should be so lucky.”
12. 0:06:18 — Bob. Thea brings back “a bare-chested friend, Bob.” Bob: “Hi, Frigidum. I’m Bob, a barbarian from Florida.” Frigidum: “I’m Frigidum, a fridge exposed to radioactive waste.” Bob: “It’s incredible, my friend.”
13. 0:06:51 — The jorts. Arbiter: “Bob, those shorts are, sorry, jorts are very, very short. Is that a testicle I’m seeing?” Bob: “Yes, I have four.” The Arbiter asks him to pull them down an inch or two. Bob: “No… They need to be exposed to have the air freshen them… You can never have tight enough jorts. That’s what I’ve always said since I was a young boy.” Arbiter: “It definitely looks like you’ve been wearing the same pair of jorts since you were a young boy.” Bob: “Clean and tight.” Thea worries about mess; Bob says his jorts will be cleaned, “somehow.”
14. 0:07:57 Thea: does she need a third? Arbiter: “So far, you’ve brought me like half of a person. So, yes.” Thea decides maybe a human isn’t the way, “we’ll spice it up.”
15. 0:08:18 — The Duke. Thea shouts through the portal: “Duke, come here.” The Duke, a rat man, arrives: “What? What is this? Where am I?” The Grandmaster shoves Bob and Frigidum toward him: “Welcome to the Dread Fortress and meet your brand new friends.” Duke: “Oh, Lord, oh, Lord… that’s a big, big, big fridge.”
16. 0:08:52 — The Grandmaster’s offer. She explains that they need the alcohol restored, “especially if we hope to have an after party later today.” She is looking for three brilliant individuals. Duke: “So I will be making up for the brain and intellect for this endeavor?” She stutters, trying to work out who the brains are: “Possibly, I think so.”
    • She offers full employment: “Think of yourselves as, you know, the sword of the Dread Fortress.”
    • The perks: immortality, “of course,” a nice home, a sauna, and a chinchilla, “as a pet, not to eat.” Frigidum: “Oh, dammit. All right, that’s fine.”
17. 0:10:11 — The cheese bathroom. The Duke asks for a bathroom made entirely of cheese: Brie, Gouda, Parmesan, “All of it.” Arbiter: “I’m going to have to talk to our cheese guy, because we’ve only ever had a bathroom made of three cheese.” Frigidum offers nacho cheese that has sat inside him for months. Duke: “Ooh, marvelous.”
18. 0:10:43 — Bob’s introduction. Bob knows beer and alcohol well as a Floridian. He no longer partakes, so as not to ruin his “sterling physique.” On the four testicles: “Why? No one knows. It just feels right.” The Duke vows to solve the mystery of the four testicles; Bob will be grateful, “for it has puzzled me for many years.”
19. 0:11:28 Bob hails from the swamps: “Birth of the mud… And the gators. And the glades… a magical place.” He invites them to visit after the quest. The Duke wants to do a magic show once employed.
20. 0:12:11 — The touchscreen. Frigidum asks for a new shell with a touchscreen, like the AI refrigerators. The Duke takes off his hat and hunches over it, rummaging. He pulls out what might be underwear, then what might be ten different rats, then: “Aha. A tablet.” Frigidum claps his tentacles. Duke: “My goodness, unsanitary.”
21. 0:13:20 — The mission. For now they are Team C. Once accepted they can pick a leader and a team name. The job: go to “our favorite distributor over at Emmery’s Tavern.” The tavern knows “our typical bill.” Bring the alcohol back safely. Frigidum: “Cervezas, yes, done.”

Emmery’s Tavern

22. 0:14:02 The Arbiter smacks his hands together and opens a portal. Through it wafts stale peanuts, beer and musky, sweaty man, along with glowing hearth light.
    • A large monster skull hangs above the hearth. Drunk folk are strewn everywhere, people play cards in the dining room, and a few sit at the bar.
    • Emmery, the tavern keeper, stands wiping the same spot on the bar. Arbiter: “Should be pretty straightforward. You get the booze, bring it back. We’ll be observing.”
23. 0:15:08 — The Acolytes watch. Thea pops up to keep an eye on things. The tavern ceiling is somehow transparent, and the Acolytes stare down through it. “So don’t embarrass yourselves.” Frigidum: “I didn’t realize there would be that many.” Bob: “Finally, an audience to watch my greatness.” Acolytes wave.
24. 0:15:51 — Stage fright. The Duke privately tells Frigidum he has never performed for more than three people: “I do not know if I can continue, but I will try my best.” Frigidum reassures him. Duke: “I’m a master improviser.”
25. 0:16:24 — The plan. Frigidum will carry the booze inside his body. “Your exploits and four testicles will be legendary.” Bob: “That’s what I’ve always desired, to have my four testicles live on in lore long beyond me.”
26. 0:17:53 — Kin. Frigidum: “Better than that, we are kin.” Bob: “Brother,” and grabs a tentacle. It feels like jello: cold, then stinging, then tickling. His hand comes away smelling like dog shit (“It might have been dog food at one point”).
27. 0:18:47 — The number two. Frigidum opens his stomach: “We require booze for the Dread Fortress. Post haste.” Emmery: “I just loaded them up with like 50 barrels of the number two. They already drank it?” Frigidum asks whether he means the bowel movement.
    • Emmery: “my number two ale… my patented number two ale.”
    • “I do use sheep dung to dry the grains… hardly any shit in it… a very minuscule amount.” Bob: “Trace amounts, incredible.”
28. 0:19:58 — The trouble in town. Emmery shipped a big order to the Dread Fortress, but “weird shenanigans” have been happening.
    • The bar is torn asunder: chairs knocked over, scratches everywhere.
    • The layout: bar seating up front; a big table that would seat 20 or 30 but has only a handful of card players; a quiet party room in the back; an empty patio.
    • Around town: missing customers, people maimed, people disappearing, “people straight up having their throats ripped out,” and several buildings burglarized, including his bar. Much of his supply was destroyed.
    • The deal: he has a reserve, but “maybe you figure out who’s been fucking up my bar? I get you the booze you need.”
29. 0:22:09 — Shit and mouthfeel. The Duke asks whether the booze has shit in it, “for no particular reason,” and then: “Why can’t it be made with shit? What’s wrong with shit?” Frigidum asks whether the shit percentage is like ABV. Emmery: “It’s more about mouthfeel than anything… you notice it when it’s not there.” Frigidum, who has no fingers, forms five little fingers on his tentacle: “Yes, I understand now.” Emmery: “You seem like a cultured guy.”
30. 0:23:44 — The oath. Bob: “Shit or no shit, I can’t allow you to be ravaged in this way, non-consensually. That is against the Florida man code. Brothers, Fridge, Ratman… Will you fight with me? Will you bleed with me?”
    • Duke: “The Duke of Dookie accepts your request.”
    • Frigidum: “In the name of fermentation and spoiled things everywhere, I, Frigidum, will accept this quest.”
    • Emmery: “Simple yes would have probably done.”
31. 0:25:03 Emmery moves down the bar to wear away a new spot. The room is unwelcoming and only the fire gives warmth; no one makes eye contact. Frigidum: “I thought my arse box was chilly, but damn.” Bob: “Yes, it is a frigid reception.”
32. 0:25:51 — The patrons.
    • At the bar: a small, sly fox with a ragged, mangy tail.
    • At the card table: three dragonborn and what seems to be a half giant.
    • In the party room: shadows of at least two figures behind the door.

The one-eyed fox and the drinking contest

34. 0:26:26 Frigidum slides across the floor, leaving a trail of oil and ooze, and slams a tentacle on the counter by the fox. He leans in until the slits of his eyes are right at the fox’s. “Tell me everything you know. The fate of our very employment is in your hands now.”
35. 0:27:07 The fox jumps and snarls. One of its eyes is completely scratched out. Its drink shakes in its paw. Frigidum gives it a rancid super-fermented beer and offers a hand, or a hug. Fox: “You got a spare eye?”
36. 0:28:03 — The grape eye. Frigidum opens himself, revealing “the mutated mass of Thanksgiving dinner and leftovers that’s now become a living creature.” He pulls out a swollen grape and puts it in the fox’s eye socket. Fox: “Ah! Oh, this is gonna get infected.” It takes a whiskey shot as “medicine.” The grape is too small and rolls around with each head jerk. “Does it look okay?” Bob: “I’ve seen worse.” Duke: “Exquisite… You’ll acquire the taste eventually.”
37. 0:29:40 — The challenge. Fox: “I couldn’t handle it. The three of you couldn’t handle it… you couldn’t even keep up with me and alcohol… You wouldn’t be able to even take on that beast.” Bob: “You sweet, small woodland creature. Trust me, we were born to drink alcohol.”
    • In his heyday Bob downed many kegs single-handedly. Now he abstains, “at least until I am pushed to my limit.”
    • The Duke has drunk the smelliest sewer waters and Florida swamp liquids: “even if I’ve never drank before. I got this.”
    • Frigidum’s liquids “have bubbled beyond recognition.”
    • Fox: “If the three of you can outdrink me… I’ll tell you all that I saw,” pointing to its one golden good eye. Frigidum re-seats the shifting grape.
38. 0:32:12 — The special glass. The fox asks for “the special.” Emmery has only one booze. The fox insists on its special glass, blinking with its grape eye, and Emmery slides down a regular tankard. Fox: “You know what I like. I’m a regular here… It’s my lucky drinking.” Emmery: “Careful with that one. That’s non-replaceable.” Fox: “It has a cat weasel on it, I think.”
39. 0:33:14 — The toast. “To number two.” “Friendship.” Frigidum: “To touch screens and 401ks.” Bob: “We gotta get better with these toasts.” They settle on “Number two friendships, I guess.”
40. 0:34:13 — Round one. Frigidum puts his ale in his ice maker to make alcoholic ice, like a slushie.
    • Bob rolls a nat 20: “I am a king drinker!… Behold!” He gains fighting spirit and adrenaline. “Alcohol is actually one of my secret weapons, only to be used in the most dire of circumstances.”
    • The fox rolls a mere 3, pouring most of its drink down its body.
    • The Duke, who has never drunk before, fails. The ale “might as well be gasoline.” Duke: “Ooh, my favorite. Why is there four fridges?… There’s as many fridges as there are testicles.”
    • Bob: “Sometimes the testicles can interfere with vision… Hold on to me.” The Duke grabs Bob’s shoulder and leaves a little slab of shit on it. Then he double-fists several drinks.
41. 0:37:13 — Round two. Bob and the fox succeed. Frigidum and the Duke fail. The Duke is now drunk, with disadvantage on mettle for the rest of the night. Frigidum: “I feel overly lubricated now. It tasted like gasoline and oil.”
42. 0:38:24 — Round three. Fox: “Last one, because I have to have a chance.” Frigidum: “How many tentacles am I holding up?” Bob: “Two.” Frigidum: “Wrong. I have four now.”
    • Frigidum rolls a nat 1. He takes fatigue and is now drunk (disadvantage all night).
    • Bob takes a hit too. The Duke forgets his own disadvantage, re-rolls, and fails again (“the room shall spin and it will keep on spinning”).
43. 0:40:26 — Two Ratmen. Bob: “for that is the effect of shit ale… I will have your back.” Duke: “I don’t understand a word you’re saying, but I have two ears right now. Let me fix that.” He pulls a second Ratman out of his hat: “We have four ears combined, brothers.” Frigidum: “Four testicles, four ears.”
44. 0:41:19 — The fox breaks. “I didn’t know that you were magicians… Please don’t cast me away. Don’t turn me into a frog.” The fox bows to the Duke and kisses his toes. Duke: “Yes, please bow before the saint of shit.”
    • Fox’s testimony: it was drunk, but “I thought they were bald. But when they attacked me, I grabbed onto them.”
    • It hands over a clump of thick, coarse gray and black hair from its vest pocket.
    • Then it takes its favorite Emmery mug and runs out of the tavern.

The hair, the Zippos and the dragonborn

45. 0:42:33 Frigidum scans the room for black coarse hair and fails. He sees brown, blonde and redheaded folk only. He asks Emmery for “the lights… My warranty is expired and I need a light, dammit.”
    • Emmery hands over a Zippo. Frigidum: “If I light this up, my whole body is going to explode.”
    • Bob takes it (“This is normal for me… in Florida”).
    • Emmery also hands Bob a pack of Black and Milds that “that guy left here at the bar. I just wanted them off the counter.” Bob slides them inside Frigidum for safekeeping.
46. 0:44:17 — Brighter. Bob raises the tiny Zippo flame (“This mighty flame will help us find these evil doers”). A card player shouts: “Hey, put that out.” The Duke mishears it as “brighter.” He pulls a second Zippo from his hat (“Do not ask questions”). Frigidum: “An incredible display of magecraft.” Bob holds both Zippos high. “Anyone who fears this must be evil or something like that.” A strawberry-blonde patron covers their eyes and gets dismissed. The rest at the card table are dragonborn, so they have no hair.
47. 0:46:17 — The chair. A metallic dragonborn throws a chair: “Too damn bright!” Bob deflects it into the ground: “Do we have a problem, sir?” Dragonborn: “You think we hang out at taverns because we like sunlight?”
    • Bob apologizes and puts the Zippos out. Dragonborn: “I didn’t expect an apology… No one’s ever apologized in my life.” He kicks another chair.
    • Frigidum, “as somebody who is also partially furniture,” is concerned for his well-being.
    • The dragonborn tries to bite a chair leg off, can’t even leave teeth marks, visibly regrets it, and commits anyway.
48. 0:47:49 — Who has the hair? The dragonborn points out that the only one in the bar with that hair is Bob, because he’s holding it. Frigidum briefly accuses Bob: “Are you the one that has been disrupting these patrons’ drink?” Bob: “I came here with you!… and now you doubt me?”
49. 0:49:18 — The Black and Milds. A much bigger, stronger dragonborn stands, smoking a Black and Mild, and blows smoke in their faces. “You ask one more question. And I’m going to put this black and mild out in your eyeball.” Bob: “Well, I do have one more question.” He opens Frigidum, takes out the pack and offers it “as a token of friendship.”
    • It works. Dragonborn: “I didn’t realize that you were a gentleman of culture… We just got out of the mines.”
    • Bob compares the mines to the swamps of Florida and asks for help to “bring down the sword of Dreadfort’s justice.” Duke: “And so we can be employed.”
    • The dragonborn: “Getting a job so you can get a drink. I like it.” He invites them to sit.
50. 0:52:12 — The drop. A dragonborn tries to lift Frigidum into a chair, rolls a nat 1, and drops him through alcohol-drenched hands. Frigidum: “I feel as though my pride has been embarrassed. I feel I need a smaller fridge shell.”
    • Bob: “Oh, you’re beautiful the way that you are. I accept you. I see you. You are seen, brother.” He lifts Frigidum up and gives him a gentle pat on the back of his fridge.
    • A single wet tear descends from the ice-cube dispenser where Frigidum’s eyes are.
51. 0:53:34 — Every two weeks. A third, cloaked dragonborn sits further back and never lifts its head. “You know, I’ve seen hair like that.” The last attack was last night, then two weeks before that, then two weeks before that. Duke: “Where were you several minutes ago?” “Here, not giving a damn.”
52. 0:54:43 — Billy. A dragonborn voiced by Drew: the only thing different is that Billy comes in once every two weeks. The cloaked one: “Glad you remembered that, Tabitha.” What they say about Billy:
    • An “old bloke.” Bald, with a shine to his head. Always goes to the back party room.
    • Not quite a goatee: “one of those Jack Sparrow things.” It “probably should shave it.”
    • He comes “as often as like the full moon… Well, one of them, you know, there’s two, so that way we get it like every two weeks.”
    • Everyone keeps repeating “every two weeks.” Duke: “My rats will repeat it.”
    • Tabitha: “every two weeks… except for tonight. He’s kind of out of character, but he’s in the party room.”
    • “You know those guys who grow out their fingernails to play guitar? Well, Billy does that, but he can’t play the guitar.”
53. 0:56:59 — Duval. Frigidum: “Billy must be from Duval.” Bob: “The hell he is!… You’ll find out when the present was promised brings Duval, the team that is in Duval, to the championship.” The dragonborn demands to know what Duval is.
54. 0:57:32 Thea screams up at the transparent ceiling for a 10-minute break so she can Google what Duval is. Arbiter: “I could use a refill on a slushie.” (The break is cut from the mp3.)

After the break — the mustache and the gold star

55. 0:58:00 “Welcome back, Acolytes!” The Arbiter recaps a “whodunit.” Thea still doesn’t know what Duval is but trusts it’s cool. Bob: “It’s the most magical place that’s ever existed.” Thea wants to visit.
56. 0:58:57 Billy “is literally in the other room… he’s been there the entire time.” Duke: “Oh, shit.”
57. 0:59:24 — The mustache. The dragonborn suggests the Duke refine his mustache for first impressions, using the extra hair Bob carries around. Bob donates the coarse black hair. Frigidum supplies a paste that hardens in seconds: “It’ll be indestructible.” Duke: “We should start a hair salon if this thing doesn’t work out.”
    • The Duke pulls out more rats: a whole entourage of rat people fix his mustache and spray perfume. Bec: “a weird Cinderella moment.”
    • The rats fight over the mustache, but Bob and Frigidum each style a side. Bob: “We know fashion in Florida, as you can tell from my pristine shorts.” Frigidum mentions “this rainbow mustache on my front cover.”
58. 1:01:36 — Are we killing him? Nobody’s sure. They phone Thea, who is “literally always sitting in the corner of the room just watching” with a little sippy cup of number two ale.
    • Thea: “You can deal with it however you want… as long as you just get the ale.” If they fail, she won’t get five stars, “and then you’re gonna find poop in your shoes. I’m not gonna say who pooped in your shoes but it would probably be me.”
    • Frigidum puts both tentacles on her shoulders, leans in eye-slit to eye: “You will always have five stars in my eyes.” He takes the little gold star off his fridge and puts it on her forehead.
    • Thea licks it, thinking it’s a scratch-and-lick sticker. Back on her stool, she screams: “Killing Billy!” “Kill Billy part two.” “Kill Billy volume two.”
59. 1:04:22 The still-hammered Duke leads a conga line of rat people into the back.

The back room — Billy

60. 1:04:34 The back room is dark and musty, with no hearth, only candles on individual tables. It’s “a very seedy kind of back room where maybe the underhanded dealings happen.” A large figure in leathers and furs is silhouetted by candlelight, with a second shadow beside it.
61. 1:05:35 Two of them catch the faint smell of iron and a dripping that grows faster. The second shadow slowly slumps to the ground. Bob: “I think I smell blood, brothers.” Frigidum: “I thought that was something in the fridge.” Duke: “Shit, are you telling me they stole my kill?”
62. 1:06:20 Bob lights both Zippos: “Behold, the power of light!” The figure hides in the corner, covering its eyes with layers of leather and fur. The furs are tans and browns, not an exact match, but “good enough for Frigidum.”
63. 1:07:20 A tiny voice: “Yeah, I’m Billy!” Frigidum: “You are standing between me and a touchscreen LCD panel. Confess to your crimes, Billy!” Billy: “You have no proof!… These are fake animal furs!” Bob: “Duke, pull the fur out of my pocket!” The Duke first pulls out a lottery ticket (“I’ve been known to play the lotto every now and again down in Duval”), then the hair.
64. 1:08:30 — The transformation. The windows fly open as if a magical gust blows through. The moon is still full as the second moon begins to pass.
    • Billy transforms: his snout grows long, his teeth turn sharp and fanged, and long black and gray coarse hair emerges from his bald scalp.
    • His nails grow long and clack as he scrapes them along the back of the room.
    • “You found me!” (Bec: “that sounded way weirder than I thought… we’re going to stick with it.”) The players ask her to say it again closer to the mic. “Help me!”
65. 1:09:47 Billy rushes them and jumps onto a table to tower over them. Frigidum asks him to turn back, “the talk was going better.” Billy: “But I’m not as scary that way… I like how I look. Do I not look good like this?” Duke: “You look okay, but I think with a little bit of goop, you could do a little bit of work.” That insult starts initiative. Frigidum: “A Mohawk, Billy! We could give you a Mohawk!”
66. 1:10:46 — Initiative. Duke 18, Bob 15, Billy 14, Frigidum 8. The Duke picks up fatigue along the way. Bob: “Tonight is not your night, you rat boy.”

Round 1

67. 1:12:18 — The Duke’s corner. Duke: “I’m crying on the inside internally at this giant hairy man approaching me very, very fast.” Frigidum: “Just apologize.” Bob: “I would never apologize. Who do you think I am?… It’s time to kick ass.”
    • The Duke’s two rat men throw him into a corner like a boxing match. They massage him and throw water in his face: “You got this, champ… dodge to the left, dodge to the right.” He heals twice.
    • Then they form “one final huddle in a wall” and he takes a defensive stance.
68. 1:14:54 — Bob’s speech and crystal fists. Bob: “There’s one thing Bob hates. It’s people that prey upon the weak. I had a dream once that I had a small child. A child that I protected. It felt so real and yet it wasn’t.”
    • The first punch to the face hits. Billy: “My spleen!” Bob: “Your spleen’s in your head, you demon!” Billy: “It’s the biology… when you’re a werewolf.” Bob: “You’ll never guess where my heart is.”
    • Second punch, at the testicles, “because you only have two, whereas I have four”: it misses. “Damn it, he’s been spayed, boys.”
69. 1:16:50 — The jort missile. Bob stretches his jorts up over his whole body and spins like a top into Billy. Billy catches him with giant clawed hands, turns him around and spanks him. Bob: “He’s spanking me!… His hands are so large!… His hands are large and furry!” Frigidum: “Hang on, Bob! Flex your buns!” Bec: “You elevated that in a way I did not expect.”
70. 1:18:26 — Billy’s turn. Billy launches Bob head-first into the wall like a jort missile. In werewolf form his signature attacks hit twice as hard. Then the cowering Duke “looks appetizing”: “Yeah, you and your little rat entourage are mine!” Billy bites him. Duke: “Can we… have a couple of drinks, maybe go out to the beach or something… Ow!” Bec: “Watch the hat, it’s fragile.”
71. 1:20:28 — Frigidum’s combo.
    • He extends his tentacles, slams them into the ground and lifts his fridge body up on them, striding over to Billy. “Unhand the duke.” His backhanded tentacle strike to blind Billy misses.
    • Billy throws the fox’s grape eye at him, pure mockery. “New eyeball for you, if you’d like.”
    • “Try a little Tabasco sauce.” Red liquid coats his other tentacle and he slaps Billy in the face. It hits and blinds him. Billy: “My precious eyeballs! They’re my favorite eyes!”
    • Remembering Billy’s claim that his heart has moved, Frigidum whispers: “You know they say that the weight of the heart is through the stomach.” He rams a fist of toxic bile ooze down Billy’s throat. It hits: “Choke on that, defiler.” Billy now carries two status effects.
72. 1:23:24 — Chaos event: the wombats. The Acolytes lose their minds: shirts come off, slushies fly, “people are punching their grandmothers in the face.” They chant “Chaos!”
    • The see-through roof turns out to be permeable. A flock of flying wombats zips in, circles overhead, and, having just eaten, hails down frozen, perfectly cubed wombat poop.
    • Bob: “I just saw a TikTok… Bob saw a TikTok on that.” Duke: “I’m in my element. I embrace the shit.”
    • Everyone fails to dodge and takes a hit “to the dome.” Bob: “Damn you, wombats!”
    • Bec rules that Billy rolls too (“Now they do”). He rolls a nat 20, which the players protest.

Round 2

73. 1:27:01 — The Duke’s magic. “Billy, I think that we got off on the wrong foot.” A card trick: “Pick a card, any card.” Billy picks the Tower, and the Duke ruins the trick (“Shit, I fucked up again”).
    • “Let’s try another magic trick… it’s gonna be the one where you fucking die!” He pulls a shotgun out of his cloak. He rolls a nat 1 and Billy also rolls a nat 1; it’s a tie and both gain fatigue. Frigidum: “I don’t know how I missed with a shotgun.”
    • “I studied the way of the blade.” A random katana: “Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to.” It misses. Billy: “Better take that back to the katana store, because it sucked.” Duke: “Can I go home?”
    • Pocket sand in Billy’s face: it hits and blinds him.
    • His rat entourage breaks out celebrating like they won the World Series, tossing him in the air. He uses his last action to shed fatigue.
74. 1:31:32 — Bob summons the gators. Bob dusts off his jorts and pecs: “I’ve got plenty more left in the tank… a creature deep from the Florida swamps.”
    • His gator, Denise, explodes out of the ground. Bob mounts her and pulls a second, smaller caiman gator out of his pocket: “Behold, my small gator, large gator combo attack.”
    • He throws the poisonous caiman at Billy’s eye. It hits; Billy is now blinded in both eyes and poisoned. Billy: “Dammit, these were the most beautiful part of me.” Bob: “You’re never gonna look at a goddamn thing when we’re done with you.”
    • Denise rears to her full height, about 20 feet long, “the largest gator that ever fucking existed.” “Denise, use gator chomp!” She goes for Billy’s legs and misses.
    • “Denise, you’ve done well… Go, your father doesn’t need you now.” She vanishes in a poof of magic “like Naruto.”
    • Gator shoulder: Bob drops into a three-point football stance, legs rippling, and stares into Billy’s “non-existent eye holes”: “Prepare to feel the fucking pain, you son of a bitch.” He charges shoulder-first. Nat 1, and Billy rolls a nat 1 again: another tie, and both gain fatigue.
75. 1:35:21 — Billy’s fury. Blinded but furious, Billy powers up a claw haymaker at Bob. Bob rolls a nat 1 on defense. The claws slash across Bob’s bare chest for heavy damage. Billy: “Enjoy my tickle fingers!” His second swing misses. Bob: “Eat shit.” Billy: “I already did. I drank the ale here.” Billy doesn’t clear his three status effects and takes damage from them.
76. 1:37:21 — Frigidum’s barrage. “Not his well-defined pecs, you blinded villain, I will ruin you.”
    • Chicken wings travel up his arm and turn it into a chicken-wing morning star. He swings it at Billy’s head and misses. Billy: “I can’t even see it, I know that you suck.”
    • His ice machine whirs and overclocks, his radiator supercharges with radioactive power, and he fires a gatling blast of crushed ice (“taking a cue from the wombat poop”). It misses.
    • He borrows the Duke’s shotgun. Duke: “Do you want a 12 gauge or a sawed-off?… I even have your signature on it.” Frigidum cocks it, then: “I just realized I don’t have fingers.” It misses.
    • Billy: “I have tummy aches that hurt me more than you all.”

Round 3 — the huddle and the light

77. 1:40:31 — The anime awakening. Duke: “I’ve learned it from a thing called anime, where you have an awakening… Everyone raise your hands to the sky like that one thing where they scream a lot… give me your goddamn energy or I’ll kill all you motherfuckers.”
    • He stacks a status effect, two power-ups and his heroic surge. Bits of fecal matter combine into a single sphere and he launches the shit bomb. It misses.
    • Billy: “I can tell you all didn’t beat the fox outside, did you?” Drew, as narrator: “He couldn’t even cut off his tail.”
78. 1:42:35 — The RPG. “Fucking RPG time.” He pulls an RPG out of his head and fires. It misses. The Duke looks up at the Acolytes: “Did you rig it? Like, is this a sick game to you all? Just to see a rat man flailing about like an idiot? Okay, fine. I’ll flail for you again.”
    • Thea: “I really believe in you. So I’m going to give you the sticker Frigidum gave me.” The gold star grants advantage. Duke: “I have my first fan. I feel so empowered now.”
    • The RPG with advantage still misses. Billy: “I’m a golden god!” Duke: “Yep, that’s it. I’m finished.” Bec takes over Billy’s dice from Drew.
79. 1:44:27 — Team huddle. Frigidum: “Team huddle.” Billy is told to stay over there.
    • They wonder if closing the window would turn him back. Bob: “once he’s seen the moon, it’s too late. His body knows.”
    • Frigidum: he’s blind, so lie and say the moon’s gone. Duke: tell him the sun’s out.
    • Frigidum: “We can ask Thea to destroy the moon.” Bob refuses: “It’s going to have a cataclysmic effect on the tides. Florida is a peninsula. Many will die.” Frigidum: “This is about LCD panels and employment, Bob.” Arbiter/narrator: “If it makes you feel any better, this isn’t Earth.”
    • The Acolytes shout down: remember how he hid from the light at the beginning. Frigidum: “I have a light inside of the fridge… we’ll use the fridge light to scare the shit out of him.”
80. 1:46:01 — Behold, the light. Bob gently grabs Frigidum’s handle and stares into his slit eyes while monologuing to Billy: “you’re about to taste something that’s gonna burn more than anything else. Behold, the light!” He opens Frigidum, and a blinding light, turbocharged with radioactive power, bursts out. Billy, at disadvantage in the light, is hit.
81. 1:47:11 — The Gator Pool. Bob is badly hurt (“It’s been a while since I’ve been this dinged up”). He uses his heroic surge: “I summon the Gator Pool!” The boards vanish beneath his feet into healing water, the Great Fairy Fountain song from Ocarina of Time plays, and small gator fairies rise to heal him. “Thank you, my gator fairies.”
82. 1:48:09 — The kill: Ultimate Denim Gator. Two power-ups and two status effects.
    • His jorts envelop him head to toe, his arms extend in jort material, and two gators rise from the ground.
    • He grabs each by the tail, spins faster and faster, and charges Billy “like a spinning Beyblade.” “Taste my denim gator!”
    • Billy: “What is this? No!” Billy’s rolls come up 18 and 6; it hits. “Behold the fury of Denim Gator!” Billy goes down.

Aftermath — the betrayal is set

83. 1:49:56 Thea: “You got Billy. I think Emmery will definitely give you the alcohol now. Right, Emmery?” Emmery: “Yeah, sure.” Who leads Team C? They say they shared leadership equally, “Found together by the annals of shit… a true democracy.”
84. 1:50:35 Thea: “Oh, I think that’s stupid. So how about we put you in the Deathmatch to fight now? … they won’t die, but then you’ll be the leader and you got to murder them.”
    • Duke: “Oh, fuck your friendship. I’m killing both of you.”
    • Bob: “How dare you betray what we have built? You will rue the day, you goddamn rat bastard.”
    • Duke: “It’s in my nature.” Bob: “You’re not the only one with magic.”
85. 1:51:19 — Proof and damages. Thea can see Billy is dead “because he pooped his pants.” Bob: “That does happen when they die.” Emmery yells: “The walls are very thin. I heard him die.”
    • Frigidum asks about paying for damages, since “we fired shotguns and rockets and we kind of blew up this entire fucking thing.” Thea: “I’ll just add it to our tab. The Arbiter gives me unlimited budget, I think. I didn’t see the budget.” They leave before Emmery can bill them.
86. 1:52:16 Thea: “We’ll take you to Duval until next week and we’ll bring you all back for the Deathmatch!” Duke: “Murder, mayhem, destruction!” “Violence and betrayal.” Thea: “Welcome and goodnight to D20 Deathmatch!”
87. Whether the ale actually reaches the Dread Fortress is not shown (Emmery’s “Yeah, sure” is the only confirmation).

Dried Blood (after-show)

In-character (canon, Dried Blood)

• 1:54:20 — The Duke: “I believe that this fight was rigged and I hope that the next fight will not be rigged because if it is, then I will have you here for my lawyers.” He has “76 lawyers on deck.” Bec: “a bunch of rats, aren’t they?” Duke: “how’d you know?” Drew: “There’s nothing more scary than a litigious rat magician.” Duke plans to get a dog. Bec: “The enemy of my enemy is my friend.” Also in this exchange: “Crunch boy!” (speaker uncertain, ID 01).
• 2:03:05 — Frigidum’s challenge: “Bob, Duke, clear your calendars and clear your guts because I’m going to give y’all a stuffing.”
• 2:03:38 — The Duke’s challenge: “I’m glad that I have a chastity belt, but I will be bringing multiple flowers for the lot of you. Some call me a flower rat. … These flowers are for your grave… and then dig them up to sell your bones on the black market… And then I’m going to sell some cheese as well.” He has “business plans, business plans, and business plans.”
• 2:04:20 — Bob’s challenge: “Frigidum, Duke, it’s been a pleasure bleeding with you on the battlefield as brothers. But now we find ourselves as foes… you haven’t even begun to see the true depravity of Florida.” Bec: “Are you running for governor?” Kyle: “my name is Bob and I approve this message.”

Out-of-character (creator notes)

• The cast as introduced by Drew: Sensei Suplex (first time with a brand-new character, the Duke); Kyle (who will “have a new brand soon”); and Big Papa Drak / Kendrick. Kyle and Kendrick are returning; Drew calls this “episode six.”
• Kyle: this is his second time playing Frigidum, who is “technically fresh as we are new this season.” Bec mentions Frigidum’s variety of magnets. Kyle on playing him: “a friendly tummy ache… Taco Bell at 2 AM. You shouldn’t do it, but you know you’re gonna.” He adds Diablo sauce.
• Kendrick isn’t actually naked or four-testicled; he’s wearing sweatpants. “Our Acolytes were taking bets on how many testicles you really had.”
• Kendrick: “this is three matches and three wins for me.” His advice is judicious use of power-ups and status effects, though “sometimes you gotta throw caution to the wind.”
• Sensei’s favorite moment was the team huddle.
• Bec: “next season, when you all are a set team, you might be able to brainstorm some team moves.” Kendrick calls the fridge-light play their “starter” team combo (“Blinded by the light”; “I was gentle but firm”).
• Drew always enjoys bringing back Emmery and his number two ale. Sheep-dung-dried grain is real, in Iceland, because “They don’t have trees.” Bec: “It’s not human dung… all of these are inspired by real things.” Drew mentions “Klaueka” (unclear).
• Next week the three face off in the Deathmatch.

Who and what appears

Characters

Frigidum (Kyle). A refrigerator exposed to radioactive waste, with slimy green tentacles of gelatinous waste and tiny slit eyes. His ice-cube dispenser is where his eyes are and can cry.

• Inside him: rotting food, expired beers and sodas, months-old nacho cheese, and “the mutated mass of Thanksgiving dinner and leftovers that’s now become a living creature.” He carries a hardening paste.
• Body: a fridge light, an ice maker, a radiator on his back, a gold star on his fridge (now given away), and a “rainbow mustache on my front cover.”
• Wants a touchscreen/LCD shell; the Duke gave him a tablet. Says his warranty is expired. Can form five fingers, but can’t fire a shotgun.
• Moves: tentacle stilts, a Tabasco slap, a bile fist down the throat, a chicken-wing morning star arm, and a crushed-ice gatling.
• Fears flame (“my whole body is going to explode”). Feels he may need a smaller shell.

Bob the Barbarian (Big Papa Drak / Kendrick). A bare-chested barbarian from the Florida swamps with tight jorts “since I was a young boy” and four testicles (reason unknown, “it just feels right”).

• Drinking: abstains to protect his physique, but alcohol is his “secret weapon.” He won the drinking round with a nat 20.
• Code and character: follows the “Florida man code.” Hates those who prey on the weak. Once dreamed he had a small child he protected.
• Tastes: drinks Bud Light and Coors Light, plays the lotto “down in Duval,” and keeps two Zippos.
• Moves: crystal fists from his jort pockets, the jort missile, Ultimate Denim Gator, and the gator shoulder.
• Gators: the 20-ft gator Denise (“your father doesn’t need you now”), a small poisonous caiman, and gator fairies in the healing Gator Pool.
• Calls his companions “brothers.”

The Duke / “the Duke of Dookie” (Sensei Suplex). A rat man with a hat and a curled mustache, also called “Ratman,” “the saint of shit,” and “flower rat.”

• His hat holds a tablet, a second Ratman, a Zippo, an entourage of rat people, a shotgun (from his cloak), a katana, pocket sand, and an RPG (from his head).
• He has never drunk alcohol before tonight, but has drunk “the smelliest of sewer waters.”
• Wants a bathroom made of all cheese and to put on a magic show. A tarot-card trick drew the Tower.
• Stage fright: has never performed for more than three people. Self-described “master improviser.”
• Thea’s gold star made him “my first fan.” He will betray the team to become leader: “It’s in my nature.” Wears a chastity belt (Dried Blood).

Billy (voiced by Bec; Drew rolled until 1:43). An “old bloke,” bald with a “Jack Sparrow” beard thing and long nails grown like a guitarist’s, though he can’t play.

• He visits Emmery’s every two weeks, with the full moon of one of the Void’s two moons, always in the back party room. He wears fake animal furs.
• A werewolf who transforms under the full moon into a long-snouted, fanged form with black-gray hair. He hides from bright light.
• The culprit (inferred) behind the tavern attacks, the throat-rippings and the fox’s lost eye. Basis: the fox’s hair matches his werewolf coat (1:08:30), and the attacks follow his two-week visits (0:53:34–0:55:57). In the back room the second shadow slumps beside him amid the smell of blood (1:05:35).
• Claims his spleen is in his head and his heart has moved. Killed by Bob; he pooped his pants on death.

Thea (Bec). The Arbiter’s subordinate, with tiny bony fingers.

• Threw the kitchen party with goblins and chinchillas that drank the Dread Fortress dry.
• Wants five stars on her performance review. Assembled “Team C” via a pink spiral portal.
• Gets her bath for the week from expired beer. Drinks number two ale from a sippy cup.
• Licks the gold star, then gives it to the Duke. Threatens to poop in shoes.
• Puts the team into a Deathmatch to choose a leader. Believes the Arbiter gives her unlimited budget.

The Arbiter (Drew). A self-described “drink hog” with stress “equal to my station.” He wears Italian leather boots with a bottle opener on the heel, keeps Thea’s performance review, has “our cheese guy,” and opened the portal to Emmery’s.

The Grandmaster (Bec). Has a not-so-secret stash of alcohol behind barrels in the Dread Fortress kitchen. Offers champions full employment as “the sword of the Dread Fortress”: immortality, a home, a sauna, and a pet chinchilla. She wants an after-party.

Emmery (Drew). Keeper of Emmery’s Tavern; he endlessly wipes the bar.

• Brews his patented number two ale using sheep dung to dry the grains (“about mouthfeel”).
• He is the Dread Fortress’s favorite distributor and shipped 50 barrels to the Fortress.
• Offered his reserve in exchange for solving the attacks. Keeps a lost-and-found of Black and Milds.

The one-eyed fox (Bec). A small, mangy regular at Emmery’s who lost an eye to the attacker. It now has a grape for an eye, which Billy later threw at Frigidum.

• Has a lucky, non-replaceable mug with a “cat weasel” on it, and stole it when it fled.
• Supplied the coarse gray-black hair. Feared the Duke’s “magic.”

The dragonborn card players.

• A metallic one throws chairs, bites a chair leg, and had never been apologized to.
• A much bigger one smokes Black and Milds and “just got out of the mines.”
• A cloaked third one tracked the two-week attacks.
• Tabitha is one of the Drew-voiced dragonborn (which one is uncertain).
• A half giant also sits at the table. A strawberry-blonde patron is in the room.

The flying wombats. A chaos-event flock that hails cubed frozen poop.

The Acolytes watch through the transparent, permeable tavern ceiling, suggest the light trick and take bets.

Places

• The Dread Fortress kitchen: the Void’s kitchen, with barrels and the Grandmaster’s stash.
• Emmery’s Tavern: a monster skull over the hearth, a large dining room, a bar, a back party room (“seedy,” candlelit, no hearth, with windows), and an empty patio. Its town has suffered burglaries and attacks. The town’s name is not given; it has mines nearby (inferred from “We just got out of the mines”).
• Florida / the swamps / Duval: Bob’s home, “birth of the mud.” Duval is “the most magical place.”

Items

• Number two ale (Emmery’s, sheep-dung-dried grain, tastes “like gasoline”).
• The Arbiter’s bottle-opener boots. Frigidum’s gold star sticker.
• The fox’s cat-weasel mug and the grape eye. The coarse hair, later used as the Duke’s mustache extension.
• Zippos ×2, a pack of Black and Milds, a lottery ticket, and the Duke’s tablet.
• Shotgun (12 gauge, “signature on it”), katana, RPG.

Lore statements

• The Void has two moons; Billy’s visits fall every two weeks with one of them. “This isn’t Earth.”
• The Grandmaster offers Dread Fortress champions immortality as part of employment.
• Thea’s team is designated Team C. A leader and team name come after acceptance.

Quotes by character

Frigidum

• 0:04:15 “I have been summoned. What am I helping you with today?”
• 0:06:33 “I’m Frigidum, a fridge exposed to radioactive waste.”
• 0:24:22 “In the name of fermentation and spoiled things everywhere, I, Frigidum, will accept this quest.”
• 0:26:26 “The fate of our very employment is in your hands now.”
• 0:33:29 “To touch screens and 401ks.”
• 0:43:28 “My warranty is expired and I need a light, dammit.”
• 0:53:00 “I feel as though my pride has been embarrassed. I feel I need a smaller fridge shell.”
• 0:56:59 “Billy must be from Duval.”
• 1:03:13 “You will always have five stars in my eyes.”
• 1:07:32 “You are standing between me and a touchscreen LCD panel. Confess to your crimes, Billy!”
• 1:22:19 “You know they say that the weight of the heart is through the stomach.”
• 2:03:05 (Dried Blood) “Bob, Duke, clear your calendars and clear your guts because I’m going to give y’all a stuffing.”

Bob the Barbarian

• 0:06:30 “Hi, Frigidum. I’m Bob, a barbarian from Florida.”
• 0:07:20 “You can never have tight enough jorts. That’s what I’ve always said since I was a young boy.”
• 0:16:44 “That’s what I’ve always desired, to have my four testicles live on in lore long beyond me.”
• 0:23:44 “That is against the Florida man code… Will you fight with me? Will you bleed with me?”
• 0:34:42 “I am a king drinker! Just because I haven’t done it in many years doesn’t mean that my power has been forgotten. Behold!”
• 0:53:07 “Oh, you’re beautiful the way that you are. I accept you. I see you. You are seen, brother.”
• 1:14:54 “There’s one thing Bob hates. It’s people that prey upon the weak. I had a dream once that I had a small child.”
• 1:16:50 “Damn it, he’s been spayed, boys.”
• 1:32:27 “Behold, my small gator, large gator combo attack.”
• 1:45:11 “Florida is a peninsula. Many will die.”
• 1:46:01 “Behold, the light!”
• 1:48:09 “Taste my denim gator!”

The Duke

• 0:09:15 “So I will be making up for the brain and intellect for this endeavor?”
• 0:10:11 “Could I possibly get a bathroom made completely out of cheese?”
• 0:22:36 “Why can’t it be made with shit? What’s wrong with shit?”
• 0:24:19 “The Duke of Dookie accepts your request.”
• 0:36:15 “There’s as many fridges as there are testicles.”
• 0:41:34 “Yes, please bow before the saint of shit.”
• 1:06:17 “Shit, are you telling me they stole my kill?”
• 1:27:01 “Here, let’s try another magic trick… it’s gonna be the one where you fucking die!”
• 1:29:07 “Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to.”
• 1:43:05 “Did you rig it? Like, is this a sick game to you all?”
• 1:43:30 “I have my first fan. I feel so empowered now.”
• 1:51:00 “Oh, fuck your friendship. I’m killing both of you.”

Billy

• 1:07:29 “Yeah, I’m Billy!”
• 1:07:44 “These are fake animal furs!”
• 1:09:10 “You found me!”
• 1:10:14 “I like how I look. Do I not look good like this?”
• 1:16:01 “My spleen!”
• 1:19:22 “Yeah, you and your little rat entourage are mine!”
• 1:22:08 “My precious eyeballs! They’re my favorite eyes!”
• 1:29:52 “Better take that back to the katana store, because it sucked.”
• 1:36:35 “Enjoy my tickle fingers!”
• 1:36:51 “I already did. I drank the ale here.” (reply to “Eat shit”)
• 1:39:45 “I have tummy aches that hurt me more than you all.”
• 1:43:50 “I’m a golden god!”

Thea

• 0:01:17 “Oh, don’t tell the Arbiter. He’ll get really mad because I forgot to invite him.”
• 0:01:34 “Well, we were planning to invite you, but we know that we didn’t want to.”
• 0:06:10 “So this counts as my bath for the week, right?”
• 0:15:08 “We’re all going to be watching all your moves to see if you pass the test. So don’t embarrass yourselves.”
• 0:57:32 “Can we take a 10 minute break while I go Google what Duval is?”
• 1:02:53 “You’re gonna find poop in your shoes. I’m not gonna say who pooped in your shoes but it would probably be me.”
• 1:03:35 “Killing Billy!” (Bec narrates her screaming it)
• 1:43:20 “I really believe in you. So I’m going to give you the sticker Frigidum gave me.”
• 1:50:35 “Oh, I think that’s stupid. So how about we put you in the Deathmatch to fight now?”
• 1:51:55 “I’ll just add it to our tab. It’s okay. The Arbiter gives me unlimited budget, I think.”

The Arbiter

• 0:01:32 “Are you drinking without me?”
• 0:01:54 “I am an important guy. I have a lot of stress, and I need a subsequent amount of booze that is equal to my station.”
• 0:02:36 “It’s not really a secret when everyone in the Dread Fortress knows where it’s at.”
• 0:03:04 “This is going in your performance review.”
• 0:05:29 “Exquisitely fermented.”
• 0:06:03 “This is toxic sludge, and no one should be drinking this.”
• 0:08:03 “So far, you’ve brought me like half of a person.”
• 0:10:25 “I’m going to have to talk to our cheese guy, because we’ve only ever had a bathroom made of three cheese.”

The Grandmaster

• 0:00:40 “What is going on in here?”
• 0:01:41 “You are known to be a bit of, well, a drink hog.”
• 0:02:33 “What? You mean my secret stash?”
• 0:09:22 “Think of yourselves as, you know, the sword of the Dread Fortress. We promise you anything that you want. Immortality, of course.”
• 0:10:01 “Chinchilla, as a pet, not to eat.”
• 0:13:20 “We’ll send you to our favorite distributor over at Emmery’s Tavern.”

Emmery

• 0:19:15 “My patented number two ale.”
• 0:19:34 “I do use sheep dung to dry the grains that I use in the ale. But there’s hardly any shit in it.”
• 0:21:08 “We’ve got missing customers, people maimed, people disappearing, people straight up having their throats ripped out.”
• 0:23:02 “It’s more about mouthfeel than anything… you notice it when it’s not there.”
• 1:51:36 “The walls are very thin. I heard him die.”

The one-eyed fox

• 0:27:56 “You got a spare eye?”
• 0:28:28 “Ah! Oh, this is gonna get infected.”
• 0:32:46 “You know what I like. I’m a regular here… It’s my lucky drinking.”
• 0:41:19 “Please don’t cast me away. Don’t turn me into a frog.”
• 0:41:51 “I thought they were bald. But when they attacked me, I grabbed onto them.”

Dragonborn

• 0:46:42 (metallic) “You think we hang out at taverns because we like sunlight?”
• 0:46:54 (metallic) “No one’s ever apologized in my life.”
• 0:49:45 (large, Drew) “You ask one more question. And I’m going to put this black and mild out in your eyeball.”
• 0:50:36 (large, Drew) “I didn’t realize that you were a gentleman of culture… We just got out of the mines.”
• 0:53:34 (cloaked, Bec) “You know, I’ve seen hair like that.”
• 0:55:42 (Drew) “He’s got one of those Jack Sparrow things going on.”
• 0:56:45 (Drew) “Billy does that, but he can’t play the guitar.”