Thea

Thea is The Arbiter’s small, pink, impish assistant at The Dread Fortress. Voiced by Caustic Phoenix (Bec).

Not to be confused with Thea Plintos of House Plintos in Cor’thun (Skypiercer), a different character.

Who she is

• About a foot tall, pink and potato-shaped, with no neck, unimpressive wings and, surprisingly, hair (she sheds it when stressed).
• The Arbiter made her from a worm “plucked from the soil.” In his words it’s “a business relationship,” and he is not her father. She calls him Papa.
• She can’t read or write (“You know I’m illiterate”), but she opens his mail anyway.
• Her blood is teal and changes with her recent diet.
• The Fortress has “a good dental program,” and she has made a fortune from the Tooth Fairy.
• She summons champions through portals (once, a fart portal mixed with glitter).

History

• Season 5 (the Season of Fate vision): the Lord of Fate’s new assistant.
• Season 6: created for real in Murder at the Dread Fortress from the worm that “sucked up the blood of the arena.” Iris murdered her the same episode, and the Arbiter brought her back (“Just because I created her”). She was about seven weeks old by the Season 6 finale.
• Season 7: put in charge of finding champions, with mixed results. She makes her own segment, Thea Teaches, in which Claude the janitor is an evil wizard. She was stuck as a pink T-Rex after a Box of Chaos polymorph wand (S7E6–S7E7), and she vacuums up disintegrated champions and tries to piece them back together (“This is going to be my greatest puzzle”).

Quotes

• “If you just let people think you’re stupid, you don’t have to be in charge of anything.”
• “I volunteer as tribute.”
• “Triple pay for everyone!”

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Everything below is compiled from the episode pages, in show order.

Appearances

S5E1 — Rise of the Lord of Fate — Atlas v Killy Yesman

• Who she is:
  • She drank champions’ spilled blood and lived among their bones, so she knows their injuries, weaknesses and strengths.
  • Her flesh goes gray when she meditates or seeks people. She opens portals by clapping, with no control over it, and summons chinchillas (towels, AA battery, hibachi chefs).
  • She carries a clipboard, which now has a Double Sun logo on the back.
  • She says she has a mother.
• In this episode:
  • She is named “the Arbiter” by the Lord of Fate.
  • She steals Acolytes’ dice for the end-of-round rolls.
  • She chopped off her own thumb and fed it to the crowd.
  • She is bad at counting and math. She is bloodthirsty (“blood cannons”).
  • She takes over the closing speech.

S5E2 — Identity Crisis — Kopy Katt v Professor Alonzo Quixote Cervantes

(Caustic Phoenix). The Lord of Fate’s pink imp assistant, created a week ago.

• Says she was a worm (“They didn’t accept worms”). Lied about going to college.
• Bleeds sparkling blue glitter. Has nine fingers and lost a thumb when she “chopped it off.”
• Pink portals, an arrow tail, a credit score around 20.
• Was thrown as a weapon and face-hugged Cervantes.

S5E3, Eldritch Fangs - Ruby Rust v Robbie Clark and the Hunger

(Caustic Phoenix). A tiny pink imp whose wings shed glitter.

• The Lord of Fate’s assistant, with a clipboard, a performance report and a fear of losing her job.
• Names arenas. Brought the snacks. Has small arms.
• The Lord of Fate says she used to be a worm.
• She keeps up with the cloaca jokes and wants an infinite stomach.

S5E4 — Chaos in Chinchilla Forest — Tormiir v Granny Edith

(Caustic Phoenix). The Lord of Fate’s imp assistant, “an admin, not a champion.”

• Packs picnics, creates the doughnut portal, and dodges like a matador.
• Ate a whole bag of Doritos, bag included. Told she’s “a lord now.”
• Ends the episode with five ink stars on her forehead.

S5E5 — Frigid Fedoras — Kyle Stoddard v Frigidoom

(Caustic Phoenix). A small pink imp with tiny pink wings.

• Her bedroom (earlier a “large closet” he gave her) was converted into the Lord of Fate’s office, and she now sleeps in a box.
• Is the subject of formal complaints: a farmer’s pig’s feet, and Mrs. Humphrey’s children rolled down a hill.
• Collects the gold stars the Lord of Fate carves into her forehead. She had five and got a sixth here.
• Wants employee of the month.
• Picked both champions and the space arena. Rolls the end-of-round d20s.
• Was frozen in a popsicle by Frigidoom’s ice. Vomited on the Acolyte Julia. Is “strictly Sierra Mist.” Got a star wand. Ended the night by pulling Frigidoom’s plug.

S5E6 — American Amphibian — King Man Frog Bofus v Richard Knottley

(Caustic Phoenix). An imp, formerly “a virginal worm.”

• The Lord of Fate made her an imp and gave her a bedroom. He calls her a 1099 independent contractor with no PTO. She got a 1099-NEC, with the acolytes helping her with the paperwork.
• Has stars carved into her forehead by the Lord of Fate (she claims seven). Still missing her thumb.
• Opens portals by farting (pink dust, purple glitter; a whale-sized portal smelling of Oreos, burritos and nacho cheese).
• Booked this week’s champions (she kidnapped them) and rented the Crimson Keep, a wedding venue with a cleaning crew included.
• Planned PTO for February. Briefly declared herself “a people” and ate nine hot dogs. Has a notebook (“Get more eyes”).
• Was thrown as a javelin and caught by a frog tongue.

S5E7 — Ducks of Death — Robbie Clark & the Hunger v Bob the Barbarian

(Caustic Phoenix). A tiny pink imp with glittery wings.

• Two months an imp, a worm for longer. Insists “Thea is people.” Says she was “people” for five minutes, chanting and getting tattoos with the Acolytes.
• Licked up the spilled champagne and licked Bob’s leg sweat (“spice”). Speaks with animals.
• Gave Robbie New Balance shoes. Her hug was rejected by the Hunger, and she cried.
• Organized the match and arena. Lost one forehead star and gained another.

S5E8 — Graveyard Grudge — Granny Edith v Teddy Oso

(Caustic Phoenix). An imp the Lord of Fate “created out of a worm.”

• Body:
  • Has wings, pink feet, a very low body temperature (icy hands) and stars on her forehead.
  • Says she trained as a small worm lifting d4s up to d20s.
• Role: the “portal girl.” She opens pink portals with claps and pink pixie dust, introduces the champions and picks the arena.
• The principal: calls herself “principal” (a prince, so she gets a crown).
• Habits:
  • Wants to wear dead bodies as Halloween costumes.
  • Farted during the flour attack.
  • Ordered corn dog cannons and laced everyone’s corn dogs with laxatives as “a bonding experience.”
• Allegiances: sided openly with Granny; was thrown at her by Teddy.
• After the break: lost teeth (her lisp, she says) and her wings, which she had to duct tape back on.

S5E9 — Patriotic Punch Up — Bob the Barbarian v Richard Knottley (Dick Twist)

(Caustic Phoenix). The high-pitched host who summons the champions through pink portals.

• Claims: says she visited Marco Polo through a magic portal.
• Fight-night behavior:
  • Rides an adorable tricycle; won one heat of the race and threw the trike at Bob.
  • Drank Bob’s sweat and vomited on the front row.
  • Lost a forehead star.
• Food and politics: loves Gushers, donuts, goldfish crackers, fruit roll-ups and hot dogs. Can’t vote (“not people”).
• The ghost: netted Richard’s ghost because “we’ll need you for later.”

S5E10 — BoneBound Brawl — King Bofus v Bone Daddy (and Darcy)

Has impish pink wings and a glitter trail, long pointy ears, a ridged spine and an arrow-tipped tail. She runs the goblins’ winter wardrobe, cries literal crocodiles, brings 2% milk and toasted bread, gets thrown as a basketball, and throws a tantrum after her nat 1.

S5E11 — Appliance Adversaries — Atlas v Frigidoom

(Caustic Phoenix). The Lord of Fate’s small assistant, with tiny pink feet and three tiny fingers. She flies.

• Duties:
  • In charge of the Dread Fortress chinchillas (feeding, walking, unionizing, poop).
  • A to-do chart on the fridge, which she can’t fully read.
  • Taking complaints (“basic level Arbiter stuff”), which she doesn’t do.
  • Arranging the pre-match meal, which she forgot.
• Stars on her forehead: the Lord of Fate takes them away; she lost two this episode, “not many” left.
• The Lord of Fate: says he “designed” her and didn’t design her for remembering, and that she is “not people.” She insists “I am people!”; he blames hot dogs. He once put her through a car wash.
• In this episode:
  • Beaten into the ground with his metal chair, then crushed under the Box of Chaos.
  • Thrown through Frigidoom by Atlas.
  • Got the Shadow King’s blade and threw it away.
  • Radicalized: blonde hair, sunglasses, mustache.
• Watched “Bessie and the Cowdettes” part one at 20× speed.

S5E12 — Imitation Game — Kopy Katt v Ragu

(Caustic Phoenix). Pink imp with pink hair, pink wings and a tail usable as a slingshot grip.

• Halloween: tried to wear four costumes at once; “Halloween lives in your spirit.”
• Food: ate all the hot dogs. Lactose intolerant. Eats ankles. “Don’t feed the Thea.”
• Stars: has stars on her forehead, which the copy removed and the Lord of Fate partly restored.
• Gifts: gold stickers from “the other Lord of Fate,” a spare brain she named Sarah, and a social security number of 16.
• Can open portals (“almost as good as yours”). Was used as a fart gun and thrown at Copycat.

S5E13 — Bone Rust — Ruby Rust v Bone Daddy

(Caustic Phoenix). The pink-winged imp running the show with the Lord of Fate.

• Says she was “specially bred” by her loving family “to be an invincible worm” and was transformed into an imp. She can’t die (per the Lord of Fate’s “No, unfortunately”). Her family wanted her to get a college degree.
• Brewed sun cola with goblins; lost and regrew her teeth (two human sets, then endlessly regrowing sharp ones).
• Revived the champions and let Thomas the Goblin heal them; gave Ruby band-aids.
• Fart chaos event (pink glitter, tuna-pickle). Summoned chinchillas and freed Ruby.

S5E14 — Froggy Style — Kyle Stoddard v King MAN FROG Bofus

(Caustic Phoenix). A “pink sparkly imp” by the end.

• Found the 10,000-email backlog on a 1995 Windows computer, pushes for slushie flavors, cushions and Pelotons, and has been neglecting tax collection.
• Brought both champions and talked to the goblins.
• Rolls the chaos d20s, duct-taped Bofus’s cheeks, and kicked both champions in the shins.
• Launched “Thea answers emails.”
• Joined the Simperi.

S5E15 — Cosmic Collision — Teddy Oso v Ragu

(Caustic Phoenix). The Lord of Fate’s assistant.

• Slept and drooled in his throne (“I put a towel down first”). Says she can’t read minds.
• Booked both fighters as returning favorites. Keeps a clipboard, but wrote notes on her hand while he had it.
• The resident chinchilla hair expert. Fainted at Teddy’s pose. Kept her job.

S5E16, Chaos Royal (Season 5 finale), the first Chaos Royale (four-way)

(Caustic Phoenix). A tiny pink imp who serves the Lord of Fate.

• Organized the Chaos Royale to cheer him up. Teleports people by clapping and commands the goblins.
• Held Dylan the chinchilla. Gave the season’s closing address.

S6E1 — Murder at the Dread Fortress (TTRPG Murder Mystery)

• Small brain; gold-star chart; wants a hot dog. Banned from hot dogs except “backwards.”
• Friends with Tim. Her blood changes color with her mood (fear = green).
• Murdered face down in gravy, yet kept talking as a “corpse.” Revived at the end and perched on Iris’s shoulder.
• Claims to have trademarked “time eyes” and to earn money whenever the Arbiter uses the spell.

S6 Ep2 · Ether Drifts Part 1 · TTRPG One Shot (Team A mine mission)

(Caustic Phoenix). A tiny pink imp.

• The Arbiter says he “created” her (“an idiot”). She says she has no brain cells and has at least five eyeballs.
• The Arbiter uses the divot in her head as a popcorn bucket.
• Her email password is “…is the best” plus ~20 exclamation points; Stuart resets it for her.
• Given mind-speech this episode.
• She delivered the chaos event, and a piece of her skull went into the Box of Chaos. She channelled the box’s power into Atlas.

S6 Ep3 — Ether Drifts Part 2 — Team A deathmatch (Atlas v Robbie Clark and the Hunger v Copycat)

(Caustic Phoenix). Flying (winged) helper at the Dread Fortress who eats goldfish.

• Forgot to send the invitations.
• Served as Atlas’s backpack, then his core (“Fatlas”). Swallowed the blue pill for him and was ejected as an escape pod.
• Had a card for buying the Grandmaster Taco Bell (per Copycat).

S6 Ep4 — Tip to Tip - Part 1 (TTRPG One Shot)

(Caustic Phoenix). A small neon-pink imp that glows like a glow stick (she eats glow sticks).

• Created by the Arbiter, who signs her pay paperwork weekly. Loves the Deathmatches and stays pink from rolling in champions’ blood. Unbearably loud.
• Tracked by the Arbiter’s tablet.
• Her tail works as a phone.
• Was lured to the mausoleum for hide-and-go-seek by the lich grandfather.

S6E5, Tip to Tip - Part 2 (Richard Knottley v Richard S. Skelman, the leadership Deathmatch)

A tiny pink imp the Arbiter “created on a whim,” and “a pink and little wormy like kind of thing” per Knottley.

• Believes she is people because the Acolytes said so (there’s a hashtag).
• Runs the round signs and keeps them in a shed. Has cute magic that “goes poof” and found she can shock.
• Keeps the chinchillas.
• Asked Skelman to prom. Tore off Knottley’s arm with a rocket pack, dribbled the Peloton core, and sat in the Box of Chaos, paying four teeth as rent. Threw her poop at Skelman out of love.
• Broke the round-three card over her knee. The signs got burned. The Arbiter wants to send her to a therapist.
• Team D’s name cites her: “find Thea, clearly the most chaotic object in the universe.”

S6 Ep6 — The Hunt for #2 - Part 1 — Team C (Frigidum, Bob the Barbarian, the Duke) v Billy

(Caustic Phoenix). The Arbiter’s subordinate, with tiny bony fingers.

• Threw the kitchen party with goblins and chinchillas that drank the Dread Fortress dry.
• Wants five stars on her performance review. Assembled “Team C” via a pink spiral portal.
• Gets her bath for the week from expired beer. Drinks number two ale from a sippy cup.
• Licks the gold star, then gives it to the Duke. Threatens to poop in shoes.
• Puts the team into a Deathmatch to choose a leader. Believes the Arbiter gives her unlimited budget.

S6E7, The Hunt for #2 - Part 2 (season finale). Team C final - Frigid Doom v Bob the Barbarian v the Duke

(Caustic Phoenix). The Arbiter’s assistant, “about seven weeks old.” Can’t read and can only count to three. Fed the receipts to Doug, declined a receipt from Stone Cola, and saves her farts in a jar. Her jaw opens body-sized to eat. Wants a raise and rolls dice at round ends.

× Wounded Warrior Project, Capture the Flag charity crossover (title not in metadata)

(Caustic Phoenix). The Arbiter and Grandmaster’s helper: “she works for us,” and she’s the one who cleans up.

• A tiny pink imp with frantic wings and a tail, boxing gloves and a steak knife.
• The Arbiter transformed her into her “true form”: a giant purple worm, “the Abyss Devourer,” with multiple tongues and rotating layered teeth. Gargantuan, 30–40 ft.
• Turned away from eating Grog because of his taste. Split one tongue on a stalagmite.
• Killed by Beans’s Wall of Fire and slid back into the ravine. Later called “Thea the Imp” again (1:52:14).

S7E1 — A Soup Served Cold — DeeDrah v Gazpacho Man Andy Gammage

(Caustic Phoenix). A tiny pink imp.

• Was supposed to find the champions; was off on “a craft… project.” Can’t write.
• Heckled Andy from among the insulting children.
• Gave a spoken report of counting stairs and finding the bathroom through U-I-O-I doors.
• Made her own unapproved “Thea Teaches” commercial; refused to explain it, hopping up the steps farting.

S7E2 — Under the Oil Tree — Big Business v Bog Boy

Not present on screen (outside the break). The Arbiter has made finding champions her job, and she made a video “last time” that talks poorly about Claude. The GM calls her “a potato of a brain.”

S7E3 — Chinchilla the White — Akumu v Jinx

(Caustic Phoenix): the pink imp, now in charge of champions, who wrote the champion profiles.

• Tasted the vodka first.
• Tripped while bringing Akumu’s weapons, then threw her a bottle from a safe distance.
• Gave Cheese Prof’s head to Doug.
• Played darts with the GM.

S7E4 — The Cheese — Sila v Ol’ Pumpernicklejack

unreliable, given nothing to do, whereabouts unknown, “probably doing worm stuff.” The GM: “nothing more terrifying than Thea idle.”

S7E5 — Rock and a Hard Place — Iowa-Ska v the Pebble

(Caustic Phoenix). The Arbiter’s helper, an impish creature with a “pig-like,” “potato-like” body and unimpressive wings.

• “Too stupid to be held accountable.”
• Did karaoke on a stolen mic and was outscreamed. She owed the Pebble a one-time call and shielded him; got poison-condom-ballooned; clamped the halberd with her butt and rode it.
• Did burnouts with Iowa-Ska. Carried the dead Pebble off with a potion.

S7E6 — Bone Force — Jerry Bonesman v TD

(Caustic Phoenix)

• A little pink, illiterate creature. The Arbiter calls her “a mindless worm that I plucked from the soil to do my bidding” and his “ward.”
• Loots organs in his secret lab for “the army.” Opens his mail.
• Insists on calling him Daddy, and settles for Papa.
• Summons champions with a fart portal. Volunteered “as tribute.” She has had a lot of Tooth Fairy money via “a good dental program.”
• Polymorphed into a pink T-Rex, she body-slammed and gnawed the Wall of Force, then napped by the fountain.

S7E7 — A Father’s Son — Agatha Middlebrooke v Lug Hardblock

the worm imp. She was stuck as a pink T-Rex after a polymorph from a knockoff wand out of the Box of Chaos, and wrecked the fortress hallway. The Arbiter restored her.

S7E8 — Private Bathrooms — Livid Lady Lin v Gandor Thalion Umbrae

A small pink impish pig-like creature who:

• was sent for toilet paper and went running around the lava fields;
• vacuums the fart smell to make a candle;
• vacuums both champions’ dust, adding a Gilmore Girls DVD;
• in Dried Blood, is piecing them back together.

S7E9 — Necro-Nightmare — Squiggles v Ray S’urdead

(Caustic Phoenix). Pink, about a foot high, potato-shaped, no neck.

• Body: she has hair and shed it in stress. Her blood is teal and changes colour with her recent diet. A pin was shaken out of her.
• What she did: she can’t read. She ate the welcome packet and pooped out the contract. She promised the chinchillas triple pay. She removed Claude’s arms “earlier” and says she’ll give them back. She mopped the piss-soaked grass.
• The Arbiter says he gave her “your consciousness and your existence.”