D20 Deathmatch Wiki

S5E10 — BoneBound Brawl — King Bofus v Bone Daddy (and Darcy)

Properties1
tagsepisode, season-5

32 min read

Champions and playersDr. Bees (DoctorBees) as King Bofus; Johnny Stanton (stantoniv) as Bone Daddy (with Darcy)
Resultnone. A tie on the heroic surge gives both champions their fifth fatigue, and the bone wave buries them both.
Arenaa snow-capped mountaintop (“welcome to the mountaintop yet again”), reached from the Dread Fortress attic through a pom-pom-hat portal
HostsMudcat (the Lord of Fate, narration, rulings, the Box of Chaos’s shadowy figure); Caustic Phoenix (Thea, narration, chaos events)
WatchYouTube

What happens

Opening — the Dread Fortress attic

  1. 0:05:53 The file opens with a misheard “Welcome to D20 Chess Box!” (almost certainly “D20 Deathmatch”). 0:06:03 Drew narrates: the Lord of Fate searches the Dread Fortress for Thea. He moves through the kitchen, the brewery, the Grandmaster’s old bedroom, his own bedroom and Thea’s old bedroom, “which is now an office”, then climbs a large keep up to the attic.
  2. 0:06:42 The attic is a chaotic maze of boxes. Inside it a line of goblins is being bundled up for the cold in cute, mismatched scarves, mittens and hats (patterns, checkers, polka dots). Thea is making sure “the goblins are ready for today’s deathmatch” and warns one to wear its gloves “or you’re gonna lose your fingers when you step outside.”
  3. 0:07:38 Thea puts a goblin-sized scarf on the Lord of Fate, where it looks like “a small kind of like thin thread”, and tries to force a child-sized glove onto his hand. He refuses: “I’m the Lord of Fate. I don’t need to wear gloves outside.” Thea: “You can still get frostbite.”
  4. 0:08:38 — Attic contents. Asked where all the clothing came from, Thea says “Boxes.” The attic also holds a horse, some photo albums, and a whole box of crowns, all too big for Thea’s head.
  5. 0:08:58 The Lord of Fate snaps his fingers and enlarges Thea’s head, “like Megamind… like a pear” (Thea asks for “only the forehead part”). She can’t hold it up, says “I got too many thoughts!” and collapses under her giant brain. He snaps it back to normal. Thea will “just have to buy crowns that are fit for my head.”
  6. 0:09:50 Thea opens a pink portal where a window was and announces “King Bowfist [Bofus] versus Boondock [Bone Daddy].”

The champions

  1. 0:10:18 — Bone Daddy returns. Lord of Fate: “I remember the Bone Daddy… Didn’t he die? Didn’t you die?” Bone Daddy: “Bone Daddy can never truly die in any way that matters.” He is “only as immortal as long as Darcy, my true love, nurses me back with the power of bone and the power of daddy.” Thea bows ceremoniously at his feet (“All hail the power of bone and the power of daddy… I’m not worthy”). Lord of Fate: “Please don’t encourage her.” He tells Bone Daddy he liked his “gyrations” last time. Thea squints through Bone Daddy’s very reflective sunglasses.
  2. 0:11:44 — King Bofus. The Lord of Fate calls him a “dingus”; Thea corrects him to “royalty” and bows again. Bofus’s audio cuts out (charades and “frog in his throat” jokes). 0:12:30 Bofus explains it was “this incredible frog mask that as of yet has not been removed from my head”. His title is “King Man-Frog Bofus” (transcribed “King Mad Frog Bofors”).
  3. 0:13:04 — Bonald Daddison. Bofus decides to call him “Bonald”. Bone Daddy: “My given name is Bonald Daddison.” Bofus: “Last time I was here, I fought a man who threw a Peloton bike at me, and this is infinitely weirder.”
  4. 0:13:29 — 50% math. Bofus: “the man frog you see crouched before you in a frog-like pose, is 50% man, 50% frog, 50% idiot, and 50% not good at percentages.” Bone Daddy: “Half man, half frog hybrids, just a normal Tuesday night for me and Darcy.” On Fridays, “I put this whip to the test.”
  5. 0:14:11 Thea offers a hat with a pom-pom (“Fight me for it, Bonald”). Bone Daddy’s mother always said, “Bonald, Bonald, if you go outside when it’s cold… put on a jacket. That’s why I keep my sleeveless coat on all the time.” “Bone Daddy is nothing if not a mommy’s boy.” Only his mother may use the name Bonald.
  6. 0:15:04 — Darcy. A skeleton ambles out, arms in front: “Darcy, come here, girl.” Bofus asks whether she’s a dog, his child or his mother. “The relationship hasn’t really been set in stone yet… whatever you need her to be in the moment.” Thea: “We’ve discovered labels are really restrictive.”
  7. 0:15:50 The Lord of Fate demands to know which 50% is man and which is frog (“You didn’t answer me last time”). Bofus: maybe someone will “roll something above a fucking seven when they try and take off the mask… Maybe, just maybe, you’ll find out this time.” “Fight me, Bonald Daddison.”

The pom-pom hats

  1. 0:16:45 Thea hands each champion a pom-pom hat that transforms into the wearer’s dream hat. One spare hat grows until its pom-pom becomes a portal to “the mountaintop yet again”. Thea flies through on impish pink wings, leaving a trail of glitter. Bofus defers to the daddy by flapping his arms.
  2. 0:17:48 — Bone Daddy’s hat. He steps through on pale, spindly legs. His pom-pom is made of teeth (“Baby teeth,” says Drew). Thea: are Bone Daddy and the Tooth Fairy the same? Bone Daddy: “The Tooth Fairy is my ex. Complicated woman, but I’m a complicated man.”
  3. 0:19:02 — Bofus’s hat. Bofus hops through on all fours. His hat sits on his crown, which sits on the mask, and it transforms into “the wide… girth of Bone Daddy’s mother”, with the pom-pom as her head. He “took a frog nap and dreamt of your mother.” He calls Thea “the Flapping Demon, whose name I have completely forgotten.”
  4. 0:20:03 — Bone Mother. Bone Daddy sees his mother in the stands next to the goblins, also wearing a tooth pom-pom hat, and winks at her. He complains that Thea didn’t ask Darcy about a hat. Thea bursts into tears: literal crocodiles drip from her eyes (“This is how crocodiles are made”). She gives Darcy a present wrapped in green with a red ribbon: a hat with three pom-poms, which Darcy tears open with her long bone claws (the transcript also says “a pumpkin being, like, a pom-pom”; unclear). 0:22:00 Darcy has two thumbs, “pointing right at daddy.” “We’re gonna only point with thumbs from here on out.”

Round 1

  1. 0:22:19 “Acolytes, are you ready to see some blood?” Blue slushies fly. Bone Daddy rolls a natural 20 on initiative.
  2. 0:23:09 — The whip. Bone Daddy spins his whip overhead, gyrating (“You gotta wind this up, baby”), then sprints in like a cowboy (“Yippee-ki-yay!”). His powered-up whip hit lands on Bofus’s chest. Thea joins the crowd beside Bone Daddy’s mother. Mom high-fives everyone: “That’s my boy” (likened to Donna Kelce next to Taylor Swift).
  3. 0:25:07 He wraps the whip around Bofus’s neck from behind and gives the crowd a come-hither. It misses, and Bofus is mildly aroused: “Joke’s on you, I’m into this.” A ripple, “a shudder of excitement”, runs up the mask anime-style, and the crown “dings”; it blushes. “Harder, daddy.”
  4. 0:27:20 Bone Daddy whips at Bofus’s feet to trip him (“How did you know I was a feet guy?” / “Don’t worry, I’m still gonna step on you”). It’s a tie, so both take fatigue.
  5. 0:28:39 — Darcy grapples. Darcy runs in and wraps Bofus in a grapple while Bone Daddy steps back. (Bofus’s pronouns: “they, it.”)
  6. 0:30:11 — The ghost of Richard Knottley. Asked about returning after “their first victory, sort of”, Bofus relives tying with Richard Knottley, “God rest his soul”, who charged up a Peloton bike and gave him a fifth fatigue. “Not again, Satan, not again.” He tries to break the grapple and ties again. Knottley’s ghost appears in a tin hat: “no, you’ll suffer a fatigue because the Chinchillin government tells you to.”
  7. 0:32:13 In the scuffle, Darcy collapses into a pile of bones, except her shoulder girdle, chest and arm, still wrapped around Bofus like a bone jacket. Bone Daddy objects to “familiar” and “minion”: “It’s also not mother… It is from time to time mommy, but that’s a different thing.” Bofus: “I’m wearing your mother on my head, and I guess like your bone daughter around my body.”
  8. 0:33:01 — Frogs. Bofus reaches under his mask, yells “Have some frogs!”, and fires a “gatling gun of frogs from my face area”. It misses. Bone Daddy whips every frog away; each hops off with a small red welt on its butt cheeks. One winks at him, and he winks back. Bofus: “Flirting with my frogs? How dare you? I’m kind of into it.” A second volley misses too.
  9. 0:34:30 Bofus pumps himself up with positive affirmations (“King of the frog people”) and powers up. Bone Daddy: “I love you, but they call me daddy.” The torrent of frogs ties, and both are exhausted. Knottley’s ghost whispers to Bofus: “they love him more than you.” Bone Daddy changes glasses (“Look how attractive he is”). Bone Daddy: “You seem haunted over there, you alright?” Bofus: “Not been fine in a while, but thanks for asking.” “Bone Daddy is nothing if not really considerate.”
  10. 0:36:43 “Familiar is the F word that we’re not allowed to say.”
  11. 0:36:49 — Darcy as a whip. Bofus rips Darcy off himself and flings her like a whip, so she wraps around Bone Daddy “like a python made of bones.” Bone Daddy defends with a natural 20. He pulls the rest of Darcy’s bones in with magical force from his right hand, she catches her own wingspan with a twirl, and they high-five: “That’s how Bone Daddy does it.” Bofus: “Richard, now I know how you felt.”
  12. 0:38:58 — Thea’s pep talk. Thea flies down nose-to-mask with Bofus and pokes his chest: “You get your frogs in order… who are you?” “I’m King Man-Frog Bofus!” Thea: there are so many frogs, “they go up every orifice… They’re very sneaky.” Lord of Fate: “They do tend to squirm their way up there.”

Chaos event — favorite food (0:40:16)

  1. Thea rolls a 14, but “the Acolytes are demanding chaos!” Bone Daddy rolls for it (12, “your season premiere”). A delicious smell wafts in: each champion’s favorite food, offered by Bone Daddy’s mother and by Bofus’s little frogs. Bone Daddy’s favorite is Totino’s (“I’m not one dimensional”). Bofus resists; Bone Daddy is tempted. Both are now at three fatigue.

Round 2

  1. 0:42:38 Bone Daddy: “I need my Totino’s.” His mother pucks them 50 yards; Darcy grabs as many as she can, and he whips one into his mouth. He clears a fatigue.
  2. 0:43:02 He doubts the crown (“an Akoth”? unclear), or else it “grows organically out of your head.” Bofus: “Come at me, bro.” Bone Daddy: “Nobody calls me bro.”
  3. 0:43:42 — The dead rise. He fists the ground, and Darcy’s “brothers and sisters” reach up from the soil for Bofus’s four limbs. It misses: they are “at the zombie stage still”, and skin sloughs off their hands as Bofus walks free. Bofus stands up on two legs, which “no man frog should ever do”. He’s “mildly less attracted to Bone Daddy now.” Bone Daddy hasn’t “started Bone Daddy’s training sessions yet.”
  4. 0:45:51 A whip strike hits. Bofus drops back to four legs “only because I want to.” Bone Daddy: “You’re being a little brat right now, aren’t you? You need bone daddy to… give you a little bit of consequences.” “That appears to be the case.”
  5. 0:46:41 — Safe words. Bofus’s safe word is “amphibian.” Thea recommends “water buffalo.”
  6. 0:47:14 Darcy kneels “in a tabletop pose” behind Bofus to trip him, but Bofus just hops backwards over her: “This is amateur hour. I expected so much from Bonald Bonason.” Darcy runs to Bone Daddy and wraps her arms around his neck (“protect me”), and he clears fatigue.
  7. 0:48:48 — Cheese. Bone Daddy asks the old question: at 99 pounds plus one pound of cheese, “am I then one percent cheese?” Bofus erupts over American Kraft Singles (“I ruined a man last time with this fact”). The ghost of Richard Knottley flies out from under the mask, with a tin-foil-covered head, glasses and a tiny weird mustache, ranting about the chinchilla government and launching cheese facts at Bone Daddy’s ear: “not actually technically cheese… at least 51% cheese food product.” It fails.
  8. 0:50:57 — Lore: the chinchillas. Thea explains that every goblin who comes to work here gets a pet chinchilla, with pet insurance, so there is “a very large chinchilla place”. Richard Knottley is “a known conspiracy theorist who believes that our chinchillas have a government” trying to overthrow everything. Bone Daddy remembers the good benefits from last time. Bofus: when Knottley died, he left behind a “Kill Switch video”.
  9. 0:51:22 “I must summon more frogs!” Bofus drums the ground (“come to me, my brethren!”) for hundreds of frogs with “paddle hands.” It fails: two frogs come, Bone Daddy steps on both, and they say thank you. Bofus pinches the bridge of his nose: “Is this what a king looks like?”
  10. 0:53:12 — The Tongue Sword. Bofus pulls a long pink tongue out from under the mask; it straightens into a razor-sharp sword. It misses. Bone Daddy: “you need to put that tongue back in your mouth.” “I refuse!” In an anime ninja power stance, the powered-up tongue hits, slathering Bone Daddy in drool: “Take some damage, you prick!” Bone Daddy: “This isn’t massage oil, my skin can’t handle this.” Bofus reels it in, takes a deep breath (“much better”) and clears a fatigue.
  11. 0:55:35 — The milk. Thea brings a tray of 2% milk “because that’s how you help your bones with calcium.” Bone Daddy: “I only drink whole milk, but I will take this.” Thea: “I’m sorry, Mr. Daddy?” He chugs it. Bofus pours his on the ground: “It’s made up by big milk.” Thea’s jaw drops and she pours hers out too. “Do you have any idea how hard it was to transport milk all the way up to a mountain top?” Bone Daddy’s world crumbles: “apparently there’s a Chilean government and that milk doesn’t work.” Thea: “Milk is no longer functional, everyone.” “You’re going down for this, Bofus.”
  12. 0:58:29 — The tattoo. Bofus wipes drool off his chest to reveal a fresh Peloton tattoo: “My brother, my Peloton brother… I miss you, brother.” Thea: “Water buffalo! Water buffalo!” Lord of Fate: “While we all figure out how to feel about that lore drop,” a break.

Round 3

  1. 0:59:26 “Welcome back… from that tuna juice filled break.” Bofus is at 13 Fighting Spirit, Bone Daddy at 14.
  2. 1:00:00 — The signature move. “Bofus, Bofus, Bofus, more like Dingus, Dingus, Dingus.” Bone Daddy: “Death Armor Reborn in the Combat Yard. D-A-R-C-Y, Darcy!” Her rib cage opens to engulf him, her arms enlarge, and bones rise from the soil to add to her form until she is a bone mech around him. His stats switch, and the table chants “Do it!”
  3. 1:01:38 — Daddy’s Girl. His powered-up signature attack, “Daddy’s Girl”, hits: the giant fist comes down and Bofus’s head disappears into his body. Bone Daddy scrapes “this gooey mess of Bofus” off his foot. The second attack ties. “You just won’t die, Bofus… You’re a worthy match… It won’t last long, though.”
  4. 1:03:27 — The Frog Splash. Bofus pushes his thumb into his head cavity; with a pop and a ribbit his body re-inflates and he pops off Bone Daddy’s shoe. “It’d be a real shame if someone would have… frog splash your stats.” He runs up a jagged rock on his feet paddles, twists in midair and slams down on the mech with his signature move, the Frog Splash. It hits: an earthquake shudder shrinks the mech, crushing Bone Daddy slightly, and his stats shift again.
  5. 1:05:57 — The ex. Perched on the mech “master blaster” style, Bofus tries to summon the Tooth Fairy through a portal from another dimension so she can witness Bone Daddy’s humiliation (“Darcy, look away”). Bone Daddy defends with a natural 20. Bec: instead Bofus’s own ex falls through the portal into the stands. It’s Bone Daddy’s father, “Bone Daddy Daddy”. Bone Mother sits on the opposite side of the stadium “because they don’t talk anymore.”
  6. 1:08:15 Bone Daddy: “My parents separated when I was four years old.” Bofus: “I might have some home truths for you, son.” “Did you fuck both my mother and my father?” “I left your mother alone. I went after your dad.” Bone Daddy: “I did learn everything I know from my father.” Thea: “Or the femur from the skeleton in this case.”
  7. 1:09:19 — Craig. Bofus calls up: “How are you doing up there? Craig?” (Drew: “Craig Dennison?”) Craig is fine, and remembers Bofus as “a frog prince!” Bofus: “I got a promotion.” He asks whether he may punch Craig’s son in the head; Craig endorses it.
  8. 1:10:19 The first punch misses (“Not even having my own father on your side can distract me”). The second punch is a natural 20, putting Bofus at 11 to Bone Daddy’s 12. “I can feel my ex-lover’s eyes on me.”
  9. 1:11:24 He tries the Tooth Fairy again (Drew: “Don’t bring Tina into this.”) and fails: a single tooth falls from the sky. Bone Daddy: “who do you think made me this hat, huh? Tina and I had a great relationship.” Bofus: “I’ve scraped my knuckles against it… she made it with love and resilience.” He jumps down into a frog squat to defend.
  10. 1:12:45 Thea rolls a 10: “adequate.” “No one says no to adequate.”

Round 4 — the basketball special and the Box of Chaos

  1. 1:13:33 “You ever heard of a basketball special?” Mech Darcy grabs Thea and chucks her at Bofus. Thea is “absolutely compliant” and screams “as she embraces her new form.” It hits. Bone Daddy asks what she looks like: long pointy ears, a ridged spine and a tiny tail with an arrow at the end. “So many sharp pieces cut through Bufo’s defenses.”
  2. 1:14:49 — The Box arrives. Thrown Thea cracks the sound barrier like a whip; the echo sets the chaos storms crackling, and lightning brings the Box of Chaos down in the middle of the battlefield. The lid flips, a column of yellow and pink fire shoots skyward, and a shadowy figure with yellow eyes creaks its claws over the side. One action and a sacrifice buys a magic item.
  3. 1:15:41 — The glasses. Shadowy figure: “I’m really not fucking picky. What do you got?” (Thea: “He even takes American cheese.” Figure: “No, I prefer real cheese products.”) Bone Daddy sacrifices his sunglasses: “I got more, baby.” Thea loses her mind. The figure puts them on its own face: “It is kind of fucking bright out here.”
  4. 1:16:32 — Inner monster. Instead of an item, the figure stares into him with its yellow eyes and awakens his inner monster: all natural-20 effects are doubled for him until the end of the match. Yellow and pink fire shoots up his arm and lights between every bone of Darcy.
  5. 1:18:01 He grapples Bofus with the yellow fire: “A reptile dysfunction for you.” He rolls a natural 1, hurting himself (fatigue 3). “Mother, grant me strength.” His flaming fist hits, and Bofus’s pants catch fire. Bofus wetly pats them out with his paddle hands: “Toasty buns, toasty buns!” Thea throws toasted bread to everyone.
  6. 1:21:24 — The hat in the box. Bofus removes his pom-pom hat (Bone Daddy’s mother), winks at Bone Mummy, and puts it in the box. The shadowy figure puts it on (“kinda cold”). He gets Morir’s Cataclysm, “a leather-bound tome of great power and destruction”. Its words flow off the page and wrap around his skin in glowing markings, and he gains an extra power up. Bofus: “I thought you were going to ask me to read, which I cannot do.” Bone Daddy: “I’ll read you a bedtime story sometime.” Bofus owns “a rather fetching mug of a very sad and very annoyed frog” but does not sleep with it.
  7. 1:23:16 — Three tongues. A green shimmer emanates from his “baby oiled, now drool covered body.” “I think we’ve maybe been taking it too easy on one another.” Three tongues shoot from under the mask. They miss, “like a soft tongue massage”, and slip past Bone Daddy’s bony body.
  8. 1:25:08 — The crown in the box. Bofus drops his crown into the box, taking a fatigue for the second use: “I would give my entire kingdom just to see this man burn.” His kingdom is “the one with the frogs”; the chinchilla government is Knottley’s. Bone Daddy can’t tell 10 from 12. Thea: “That’s because you’re a bonehead.”
  9. 1:26:37 — The Arbiter’s ring. The figure hands him “a pretty little piece of jewelry that once belonged to the Arbiter.” For one round he is the master of time and space, and his opponent’s attacks have disadvantage. He puts it where the crown was, on “the tiniest little” finger under the mask that has been holding the crown up. His eyes flash with multicolored lightning, “like Neo in the Matrix learning kung fu”, and he sees all of Bone Daddy’s potential moves. He clears the fatigue: “let’s go, son!”
  10. 1:28:51 Thea rolls a natural 1 and falls from the sky “like a pigeon that just been shot”, then throws a massive temper tantrum on the ground.

Chaos event — paper versus rock (1:29:36)

  1. Bofus rolls a 19 (“Lord of Fate, why am I wasting these rolls?”). “The old wives’ tales rumored of the mysterious power of paper… capable of fending off the strength of stones.” The Acolytes raise rocks and pebbles, and each champion must build a paper shield. Both fail. Both are at four fatigue; Bofus has 7 Fighting Spirit, Bone Daddy 9.

Round 5 — the bone wave

  1. 1:30:57 Bone Daddy has only his heroic surge left. “Bofus. This has gone on long enough… you’ve reconnected me with Bone Daddy’s daddy… I think it’s time that we all come together to teach you a little lesson.”
  2. 1:31:43 “Mother, father, to me.” Darcy’s arms extend with extra joints to bring them in. His mother and father ride on his shoulders, “wrapped in Darcy’s cloak of calcium.” “Let’s put this dingus in the ground.” A tidal wave of bone erupts behind him, “all of the power of bone and daddy.” Under the ring he attacks with disadvantage, and the result is a 10 against Bofus’s 10: a tie. Both champions reach five fatigue.
  3. 1:33:16 The wave grows until it overshadows the whole mountain, and even Bone Daddy’s power is too great for him to control.
  4. 1:34:03 — Bone Daddy’s end. His father speaks in his left ear: “son, you forgot the only rule. You gotta listen for the safe word. Water buffalo, water buffalo.” Bone Daddy whispers “I’m sorry, father.” His life flashes before his eyes: his mother caring for him, his dad teaching him to throw a ball, finding Tina, “what he thought was the love of his life”, who stitched this beanie, and then Darcy “becoming all of it”. Darcy’s skull looks down at him and nods: “it’s okay.”
  5. 1:35:31 — The unmasking. Bofus: “this is the last time he will be called to battle in this arena.” He pulls off the mask. Frogs fall from it, and all that’s left is “one tiny frog head attached to the neck of a large man.” The sad little frog walks to Craig, puts his hands around his waist and whispers: “I always loved you, Craig… You turned me from a prince into a king.” Craig: “I always loved you too,” and wipes a tear from the froggy eye. Bofus: “God bless you, Craig. And at least this time it wasn’t death by fucking Peloton.”
  6. 1:36:47 — The monument. The bone wave crashes over them, violent and unending, and piles into a mountain made solely of bones, “a beautiful graveyard in memory of the two of you.” “May this stand as a mountain, a monument to the battle offered here as sacrifice to the acolytes today. We will never forget what you have given us in pure blood, in pure tongue action.”
  7. 1:37:43 Thea asks whether it’s good enough. The Lord of Fate is pleased and awkwardly polls the Acolytes (“what are you guys doing later?”) about the after party. “Welcome, and good night, to D20 Deathmatch!”

Dried Blood (after-show)

Out-of-character (creator notes):

  • Drew: Bone Daddy returns from a previous season, “maybe the only champion to come back from a previous season in this current season.”
  • Bec: “three pairs of sunglasses.” Johnny: “future so bright I need shades.”
  • Dr. Bees admired Bone Daddy’s ready-made supporting cast (mom, Darcy, the Tooth Fairy). Johnny loved how Bofus’s stat-swapping signature move countered his own. He built “Daddy’s Girl” with Mudcat.
  • Drew: the Darcy mech was the move Bone Daddy pulled at the end of his previous season.
  • A striped cat appears on Johnny’s camera. Bec says Lubofan’s two cats fought on the couch behind her during her deathmatch, “a deathmatch in a deathmatch.”
  • Bofus has “tied his way to a death twice now.” Drew: ties and nat 1s each cause fatigue, so tie deaths are more common than people expect, and there were more early in the season.
  • Stat spreads: Bofus 1-1-4 (kept from his previous fight, for more actions). Bone Daddy started 1-2-3, which became 3-2-1.
  • Dr. Bees: “if there is a big box of chaos that costs me health and a fatigue to do the thing again you fucking bet your ass I’m going back in there.” Johnny: “Pressing the button is what makes entertaining actual plays.”
  • Drew: “I wrote this system specifically… for storytelling” (Champions of Chaos).
  • Bofus’s original name was going to be “Frankenfrog.” Dr. Bees: “A classic reimagining of the princess and the frog,” and Craig is the one who made him king.
  • Drew’s lore note: “Dr. Bees was in our Vythorn’s Return series, which is how the Arbiter became the Lord of Fate. And in doing so, he had to gain an item called Morir’s Cataclysm, a tome,” the same tome Bofus pulled from the box. Bec adds that in Vythorn’s Return Dr. Bees played a different frog who couldn’t read anything except Giant (“Different frog. They weren’t related”).
  • Dr. Bees: King Bofus is “a leader of a frog nation somewhere”; everything else (Craig, the attraction to Bone Daddy) was improvised, apart from the callbacks to Richard Knottley. Johnny: Bone Daddy’s divorced parents, his “dom ways” learned from his dad, and the Tooth Fairy ex were all improvised.

In-character (canon, Dried Blood):

  • 1:53:01 Drew frames the final words in the arena locker room, “as goblins are pulling chunks of bones out of your bodies that have been revived.” Both champions are revived.
  • King Bofus: “If you can, always be at least 50% man, 50% frog, and 100% Bad at potentially maths… 50% Peloton.”
  • Bone Daddy: “Never forget to say thank you, daddy.” Everyone signs off “Good night, daddies.”

Who and what appears

Characters

King Bofus / King Man-Frog Bofus (Dr. Bees). Pronouns they/it.

  • Look: a frog mask topped by a crown. Under the mask is a tiny, sad frog head on a large man’s body; the crown is held on by a tiny finger.
  • Nature: claims to be “50% man, 50% frog, 50% idiot, 50% not good at percentages.” Leader of a frog nation, “the one with the frogs.”
  • History: previously fought Richard Knottley, who threw a Peloton bike at him, and died in that tie. He is haunted by Knottley’s ghost, which now lives “deep within my soul”, and has a fresh Peloton tattoo on his chest.
  • Craig: once a frog prince, made king by his ex-lover Craig, Bone Daddy’s father (“I got a promotion”).
  • Habits: cannot read. Owns a sad-frog mug. Thinks milk is a “big milk” myth. Has strong views on Kraft Singles. Safe word “amphibian.” Into feet.
  • Powers: fires frogs from under the mask, summons frogs from the ground, the Tongue Sword (and later three tongues), signature move the Frog Splash (swaps the opponent’s stats).
  • Box of Chaos: got Morir’s Cataclysm (glowing skin markings) for his pom-pom hat, and the Arbiter’s ring (master of time and space for a round) for his crown.
  • Fate: died in the tie, unmasked, kissing Craig. Revived in the locker room (Dried Blood).

Bone Daddy / Bonald Daddison (Johnny Stanton). A returning champion from a previous season.

  • Look: pale, spindly limbs, sleeveless coat, very reflective sunglasses (and spares), a whip.
  • Family: a “mommy’s boy.” Only his mother may call him Bonald. His parents separated when he was four, and he learned “everything I know” from his father.
  • Love life: his ex is Tina the Tooth Fairy, who stitched his tooth pom-pom hat. “Can never truly die in any way that matters” as long as Darcy nurses him back.
  • Tastes: favorite food Totino’s. Drinks only whole milk.
  • Powers: raises the dead (zombies, “Darcy’s brothers and sisters”); signature move Death Armor Reborn in the Combat Yard (D-A-R-C-Y), the bone mech, with the attack “Daddy’s Girl”; heroic surge as a tidal wave of bone.
  • Box of Chaos: traded his sunglasses for doubled nat-20 effects (his “inner monster”).
  • Fate: died in the tie, forgetting the safe word. Revived in the locker room.

Darcy. Bone Daddy’s skeleton partner, “my true love.” The relationship is unlabeled: not familiar, minion or mother, sometimes “mommy.” She has long-fingered bone claws and two thumbs, and wears a three-pom-pom hat from Thea. Her bones can scatter and reassemble. She becomes the bone mech and nods “it’s okay” at the end.

Bone Mother / Bone Mummy. Bone Daddy’s mother, in the stands beside the goblins and Thea, wearing a tooth pom-pom hat. She pucks Totino’s 50 yards and rides his shoulder in the surge. She no longer speaks to Craig.

Craig (“Bone Daddy Daddy”). Bone Daddy’s father and Bofus’s ex. He appears in the stands through Bofus’s failed portal, endorses Bofus punching his son, rides the surge, delivers the safe-word warning, and shares the final kiss with Bofus. Drew said “Craig Dennison?”; his surname is uncertain.

Tina the Tooth Fairy. Bone Daddy’s ex. Bofus tried twice to summon her; the only result was a single tooth.

Richard Knottley (ghost). Bofus’s previous opponent: the Peloton thrower, a conspiracy theorist about the chinchilla government, wearing a tin hat and a tiny mustache. He left a “Kill Switch video.” His ghost appears through Bofus.

Thea. Has impish pink wings and a glitter trail, long pointy ears, a ridged spine and an arrow-tipped tail. She runs the goblins’ winter wardrobe, cries literal crocodiles, brings 2% milk and toasted bread, gets thrown as a basketball, and throws a tantrum after her nat 1.

The Lord of Fate. Refuses gloves and resizes Thea’s head with a snap. Remembers Bone Daddy’s gyrations from last time. He has “a lot of issues” with Thea and puts them “on her record.”

The Box of Chaos’s shadowy figure. Has yellow eyes and claws. “Not picky,” but prefers real cheese products. It now wears Bone Daddy’s sunglasses and tried on Bofus’s pom-pom hat.

The goblins. Bundled up for the cold. Each gets a pet chinchilla with pet insurance.

Places

Items

  • The pom-pom hats, which become each wearer’s dream hat: Bone Daddy’s teeth pom-pom, Bofus’s Bone Mother hat, Darcy’s three pom-poms.
  • Morir’s Cataclysm: a leather-bound tome whose words wrap the skin in glowing markings.
  • The Arbiter’s ring: grants mastery of time and space for one round.
  • Bofus’s crown (sacrificed to the box) and frog mask (removed). Bone Daddy’s whip and sunglasses (sacrificed to the box).
  • Totino’s, 2% milk, toasted bread.

Lore statements

  • Every Dread Fortress goblin gets a chinchilla and pet insurance. Richard Knottley believed the chinchillas have a government.
  • The Box of Chaos can give powers, not only items, and a second use costs a fatigue (a game mechanic).
  • The Arbiter’s rings can turn up in the Box of Chaos (“once belonged to the Arbiter”).
  • In the Dried Blood creator note, Drew says the Arbiter gained Morir’s Cataclysm in Vythorn’s Return on his way to becoming Lord of Fate.

Quotes by character

King Bofus

  • 0:12:30 “I retain the title of King Mad Frog Bofors. Bow down, bone daddy, if that even is your real name.”
  • 0:13:10 “Last time I was here, I fought a man who threw a Peloton bike at me, and this is infinitely weirder immediately.”
  • 0:13:29 “I, the man frog you see crouched before you in a frog-like pose, is 50% man, 50% frog, 50% idiot, and 50% not good at percentages.”
  • 0:26:02 “Joke’s on you, I’m into this.”
  • 0:30:42 “Not again, Satan, not again.”
  • 0:33:01 “Is there anything this frog can’t do? Let’s find out!… have some frogs!”
  • 0:47:36 “This is amateur hour. I expected so much from Bonald Bonason or whatever your mother named you.”
  • 0:54:30 “Take some damage, you prick!”
  • 0:56:27 “Milk doesn’t help your bones get stronger, is what I’m saying. It’s made up by big milk.”
  • 0:58:29 “My brother, my Peloton brother… I miss you, brother.”
  • 1:08:43 “I left your mother alone. I went after your dad.”
  • 1:25:32 “I would give my entire kingdom just to see this man burn.”
  • 1:35:47 “I always loved you, Craig… You turned me from a prince into a king.”
  • 1:36:34 “God bless you, Craig. And at least this time it wasn’t death by fucking Peloton.”
  • 1:53:31 (Dried Blood) “If you can, always be at least 50% man, 50% frog, and 100% Bad at potentially maths.”

Bone Daddy

  • 0:10:29 “Bone Daddy can never truly die in any way that matters.”
  • 0:10:54 “Only as immortal as long as Darcy, my true love, nurses me back with the power of bone and the power of daddy…”
  • 0:13:07 “My given name is Bonald Daddison. What’s wrong with that?”
  • 0:14:28 “That’s why I keep my sleeveless coat on all the time.”
  • 0:15:28 “The relationship hasn’t really been set in stone yet, to be completely honest.”
  • 0:18:36 “The Tooth Fairy is my ex.” / 0:18:44 “Complicated woman, but I’m a complicated man.”
  • 0:46:15 “You’re being a little brat right now, aren’t you?”
  • 1:00:22 “Death Armor reborn in the combat yard. D-A-R-C-Y, Darcy!”
  • 1:08:21 “My parents separated when I was four years old.”
  • 1:18:27 “A reptile dysfunction for you.”
  • 1:31:04 “You’ve reconnected me with Bone Daddy’s daddy… I think it’s time that we all come together to teach you a little lesson.”
  • 1:34:03 “I’m sorry, father.”
  • 1:54:37 (Dried Blood) “Never forget to say thank you, daddy.”

Thea

  • 0:07:32 “Oh, I’m making sure that the goblins are ready for today’s deathmatch.”
  • 0:08:16 “You can still get frostbite.”
  • 0:09:31 “I got too many thoughts!”
  • 0:15:41 “We’ve discovered labels are really restrictive.”
  • 0:20:53 “This is how crocodiles are made.”
  • 0:39:18 “Who are you?… And no one’s gonna control the frogs like you!”
  • 0:47:01 “I recommend water buffalo.”
  • 0:55:35 “Drink your calcium.”
  • 0:57:12 “Do you have any idea how hard it was to transport milk all the way up to a mountain top without spilling it in a glass?”
  • 1:09:13 “Or the femur from the skeleton in this case.”
  • 1:26:29 “That’s because you’re a bonehead.”
  • 1:37:18 “May this stand as a mountain, a monument to the battle offered here as sacrifice to the acolytes today.”

The Lord of Fate

  • 0:08:07 “I’m the Lord of Fate. I don’t need to wear gloves outside.”
  • 0:10:18 “I remember the Bone Daddy… Didn’t he die? Didn’t you die?”
  • 0:11:33 “I liked your moves last time. A lot of gyrations. I’m into that. Who’s this dingus in front of me?”
  • 0:15:50 “I am the Lord of Fate and I demand to know which 50% is man and which 50% is frog.”
  • 0:20:20 “Trust me, I have a lot of issues with her. Go ahead, I’ll put it on her record.”
  • 0:44:50 “You’re not supposed to be enjoying this!”
  • 1:11:41 “Don’t bring Tina into this.”

The Box of Chaos’s shadowy figure (Drew)

  • 1:15:49 “I’m really not fucking picky. What do you got?”
  • 1:15:58 “No, I prefer real cheese products.”
  • 1:16:13 “It is kind of fucking bright out here.” (diarized 01; inferred to be the figure wearing the glasses, speaker uncertain)

Ghost of Richard Knottley (Dr. Bees; diarized 01)

  • 0:31:30 “No, you’ll suffer a fatigue because the Chinchillin government tells you to.”
  • 0:35:39 “They love him more than you.”
  • 0:50:12 “American Kraft cheese singles are not actually technically cheese.”

Craig (Bone Daddy’s father)

  • 1:09:37 “Been a long time, Mophis! I knew when you were a- it’s a frog prince!” (speaker uncertain, diarized 04)
  • 1:34:03 (relayed by Bone Daddy) “Son, you forgot the only rule. You gotta listen for the safe word.”
  • 1:36:29 “I always loved you too.” (Johnny Stanton)

Canon notes

  • Craig is Craig Daddison, Bone Daddy’s father. Bonald Daddison is Bone Daddy’s full name.

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